Agh my first and second paragraphs got messed up. Whoops. ;D

First off, I just want to say that I truly enjoyed this story. This is probably my third or fourth attempt to read this fic, but (since I typically read on my phone) the formatting was completely wonky. As such, I had a hard time getting through the Prologue. Tonight, I decided, "What the heck," and pushed a hint for future readers that I learned, if you read on a phone and are having a hard time getting through the Prologue, just rotate your phone to a landscape view. I also found it less distracting while reading in the nighttime mode with white-on-black lettering.I really loved all of the emotions that were visible in Mike. The picture you painted with Mike's inner turmoil had even me moaning in sympathy. Mike is portrayed as an enigmatic persona on the show. This just shows (in my mind) that everyone has their breaking point, no matter how strong they may seem. The way Cap started comforting Mike was endearing. It seemed that he was speaking from experience, since he had the exact thing that Mike needed to hear prepped and ready to be said.

I did feel the ending was a bit rushed, but you still did wrap up most (if not all) of your loose ends. I feel that if you wanted to add on another chapter, you could add in a little bit more closure on these various (deadly) injuries the crew has been receiving.

Overall, after reading the entire story, the formatting of the Prologue seemed to fit it. It was just one of those things that was slightly annoying, but you soon got used to it after reading for a while. (Your explanation in a previous comment did help put it in perspective.)

I also enjoyed how you made each section fit into the basic stages of a water hammer. After I realized how you were laying it out, I was able to put two and two together, and was able to figure out what the next event was. The combination of everything in this fic made for a very interesting read that I would highly reccomend.

Keep writing!
-Mare

What an amazing story. Shows sides of Mike and Cap we don’t get to see often. Well written. Loved the depth you portrayed of both men.

Wow! That was some heavy stuff that Mike, Cap, and the boys are going thru...TOGETHER! Glad that you wrote it that they have each other's backs and are such good support systems for one another! It was such a lovely story, which I really enjoyed reading! You have the sense that they will get thru it OK together!

Great story! Very well written and with two of my favorite characters to boot! While the fires and rescues are exciting, I love these types of stories that reveal the thoughts and feelings of the guys. Story rings so true to anyone who's had something bad happen, what could I have done to make it different? Well done.

In my earlier review I meant to write epilogue instead of prologue. Sorry about that.

I have to admit that the beginning of the story was a little confusing the first time I read it, but when I read it again it made more sense. Thank you for the explanation in your response to another reviewer.

You did a very good job conveying Mike's anxiety and dread over all injuries that have happened to the rest of the crew. I loved the talk he had with Cap. Mike had a point. The crew did seem to suffer an abnormal number of mishaps in a short period of time. No wonder it threw him for a loop.

As much as I enjoyed this story, I have to agree that it felt a little unfinished at the end. I remember from The Nuisance that Roy and Marco got hurt again at the end of the episode. Maybe you could write a prologue to this story that includes that incident and how Mike deals with it. You don't have to if you don't want to. It's only a suggestion.

This was a lovely story. I made the mistake of reading the reviews before I posted my reviews. Maybe I'm just weird, but I kinda got that whole stream of consciousness/churning mess of thoughts/flashback snippets that Mike was experiencing. I did like your extended explanation in reply though.

Twelve paragraphs from the end, you have a typo: "... the weight of command slowly becoming palpable IN his bearing."

I love this story. I liked that you added some explanations about the introduction. I really like the way you portray the characters like they were in the original series. I guess I can see what another reviewer meant about the ending feeling a little rushed but I can’t say that was my first impression as I finished reading. I hope you write more E! stories.

Actually, I was being polite. I'm sorry if you took it as being otherwise - I can't help it that YOU decided to add something to it that was hardly intentioned. I have zero problem with people pointing out issues with the work. Unfortunately, while people mentioned that the intro was confusing, I got no feedback as to what, specifically, folks were having problems with. I could only surmise what the issue was and provide an explanation for any future readers. Since you had "gotten it", then the explanation wasn't meant for you, was it?

Amazing to me that you assume there was all this "insult" underscored in my response (?) and then act all indignant and victimized and then accuse me of caring about 'bad reviews', which, frankly, don't bother me in the least; they never have. All while inferring that I should cater my response to make it warm and fuzzy for you. Sorry, no. You don't get to dictate how someone responds, especially since you deem it necessary to add in all sorts of stuff. So why in God's name would anyone bother?

Thank you for your time in reading the story and leaving an honest review. I think we're done here.

So basically it's me who "doesn't get it"? I found your reply insulting, like you weren't replying but putting out a book called "fanfiction for dummies." It was disguised with placating explanations. I am glad that when someone took their time to post a thoughtful, positive, yet honest opinion with what worked for them and what did not for me, I was humble and thankful and therefore educated further in my hobby. Believe me, now I definitely "get it". Reviews that go beyond, "wow, that was the best story ever written", are what you prefer. I was more than polite in pointing out my opinion, I was encouraging, but in between the lines of your reply, you spoke down to me. The reply was somewhat passive aggressive. To counter that, secure in the knowledge that my review was well intentioned, humble, and in the spirit of helping, I truly wish you well with your writing.

Oh dear. My poor readers... It seems my Muse's penchant for subtlety has gotten the better of her. Let me see if I can't un-confuse the confusion and address a couple of points.

I sense that peeps are getting hung-up on the intro section ("Shut-Off"). Indeed, it does have a funky format. A small part of that is due to the formatting limitations of this site, which, understandably, has to be rather dynamic to accommodate all the differing fandoms, languages, devices, etc. As a consequence, that dynamism may create wonky formatting on phones, and make it even harder to read.

But fear not - the "Shut-Off" section, while it does have two main purposes - is not necessarily meant to be read as narrative, at least in the way that 'distracted' had alluded to. You *can* read it that way, of course, but if you'll permit me, I'd like to just kinda lay it all out and hopefully, that'll ease people's frustrations with it. I realize this is obvious to you guys, but if you'll just bear with me...

Because this is Mike's story it must therefore be from his POV. As mentioned in the pre-story notes, the story references a myriad of other episodes. It is from those episodes that the Dispatch information - and accompanying snippets of dialogue - were taken. From Mike's POV, the dialogue is what he would have heard over the radio while he was manning the Engine.

In an effort to take advantage of the "theme" of the story, the Dispatch/dialogue snippets are formatted like water flowing BACK through the pipes (again, the limitations of the site really kinda mess that up). Once the last Dispatch call ("Great Crash Diet) "flows through" (because that's where we begin the narrative), cavitation occurs and everything comes out as a jumbled mess - much like Mike's frantic thoughts. The last arc of words is where Mike's thoughts finally settle and where he's at emotionally.

That was the first main purpose of the intro - to give you a visual representation of Mike's mental/emotional state and to provide a "tone" for the story. The other purpose was to simply provide you - the reader - a reference for the episodes / injury-laden incidents that Mike has been thinking about and later mentions. It's also confirmation to you - the reader - that all the injuries were taken from episodes and did not include ones that I had created.

Like I said, I know you guys picked up on that, but I just wanted to ease anyone's confusion and reiterate that it's not necessarily meant to be *narrative*; just allow it to provide "tone" rather than "content".

Apologies if that wasn't clear. Like I said, Muse does tend to be very subtle, sometimes.

Let me add some thoughts in response to a couple of points brought up. I really *do* thank everyone for their reviews - "good" or "bad" (I'd rather think of them as being honest) so thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts.

As to the ending - yeah, I ain't that big on it, either. But I can't know that my writer's instinct is correct until YOU guys read it, so thank you all for being honest and affirming my thoughts on that. One day, I'll fix it, but it may be awhile.

Finally, let me address 'distracted''s thoughts on formatting, in general. The point, obviously, is well taken that correct grammar, etc. is important. I know that authors on this site, and in particular, in this fandom, have gotten flack for posting stories replete with grammatical errors, etc. And it is not trivial - grammatical errors and sloppy formatting can be woefully distracting and frustrating, moreso because they are things so easily corrected.

Grammatical and formatting rules and conventions exist for a reason - mostly, to make reading easier.
But they can also be ignored, bent, exaggerated and manipulated in an effort to serve the story. And that is the key.

I definitely understand and sympathize with that initial writing struggle of trying to remember writing rules. I've been there, without a doubt.

But never forget that writing is a *creative* endeavour. Once one has mastered writing *within* the rules, then branch out. Experiment. Especially in THIS avenue. There are no professional editor / publishing house rules to adhere by. THIS is the place to play with the rules. Ignore them, bend them, manipulate them. No one here is Craig Brice. None of us are obligated to stick to the rules 24/7.

Sure, the experiment may fail, but you won't know that until you try it. As i said, the key is whether you believe it *serves the story*.

I'm not just trying to paint with words. I'm using formatting and punctuation and indentation - the whole width of the page is the canvas, as it were, and I'm gonna use all the tools in the toolbox to convey the story in as much depth as I can muster.

Experiment. Play. Bend the rules. If it works, it works. If it don't, it don't.

Let Brice worry about the rules...

While the initial part was somewhat confusing, the rest of the story was well written. Loved that you chose Mike as the point of view person,

While I see what you were trying to do with the formatting, I found it distracting. You're a decent writer with a grasp on grammar so you know the format is improper, though again, I get what you were attempting to convey. I almost stopped reading because of the disjointed beginning but quickly scrolled down to see that the whole story was not fragmented so went back to reading. Your ideas were great. Your conveyance of Mike's frustration was well done. I liked the story. It needed a cleaner, more definitive ending. Your beta should encourage you to stick with proper format, you will not find a published book or article with oddly written, too long ellipses. Readers don't want to imagine the klaxons and announcements, they want to "hear" them. A few writers here simply say, "and the engine roared out, lights flashing and sirens blaring," or have Sam Lanier's descriptions of the call. The long pause doesn't work for me. I tell you this because when I started writing, I did what you did and someone thankfully called me on it and now I've improved. One advantage you have over my early work, is that you actually know right from wrong in grammar, I didn't, l had forgotten because life after school in the many years never called for writing. You therefore have great potential. There are reviewers who only give good reviews and gush and I hope you appreciate other reviews. Thank you for the story, I enjoyed it.

Great story idea, and I enjoyed how you wrote it; it was a very creative and intense way of telling it. Thank you for sharing your true story through Cap's... Only minor detail: the ending is a bit quick: it's as if once Cap talks to Mike, there's nothing more to tell; as if Mike is now fine and both men can return to their usual routine. It would work if this conversation happened AFTER they learn that Johnny is going to be okay (maybe a day or two after the shift?). But concluding the story at this point feels unfinished. Unless you are planning a 2nd chapter! I'd love to read that!