9 chapters in and its brilliant. Don't let me down, expecting a high standard

I’m posting this as a kind of combines review of the last two chapters.

This is one of those times when I feel my fandom blindness acutely, because I wish I knew a bit more about the canon events this fic feeds from and into. I think, especially that at the end of the epilogue, I've seen something that becomes very important in the canon later. But getting on with the meat of this thing...

I remember going to cons and hearing a lot of writer's panels, and one thing that comes back to me, and I don't know now where I first heard it, is that magic has to cost something. Jack's used an assload of magic, and especially needed quite a few healing potions down through his checkered career, but this time it really does come at a cost. Because of this, the choices he's called upon to make really do come with a steep price tag attached. It's a given that Jack's going to pay a heavy price for trying to reunite with Millona, and for trying to do the right thing by her, but the manner in which he faces up to this feels right for the character. This is what jack would do, this is the guy as we've seen him grow and develop, this is the right choice in character terms for him to make. And it does make this a good, satisfying resolution, and a good story in general human terms, even if you're as ignorant as I am about the canon.

Jack's reunion with Millona felt right to me, in the sense that after the long separation they're clearly not just going to pick things up where they left off. I was glad she took him back, although I didn't take it as a given that she would. There was some doubt hanging in the air, and part of that was the fact that the story was told from jack's perspective, but then he knew that he should never have put himself in that position in the first place. Millona had legitimate grievances, therefore we do in fact wonder what she's going to do.

A couple of other notes. First I think Lex ended up working really well as a character. If he’s an OC, then good job. Second. For some reason, I especially liked the scene where Lex and Millona were talking about trying to close the gate. I read a good deal of military history, and that conversation, and the way she ended up framing her choices, felt pretty real. An awful lot of people will in fact pick a kind of middle course, whether it’s the right thing to do or not. But I do think that she approached her decision making in a way that felt authentic.

Bottom line on tbis one was that Parting Glass has a real kind of epic sweep to it. It does in fact span Jack’s pretty remarkable life and career, and there is a pretty wide and diverse set of situations, everything from thieving capers to horror, to romance, and some city stamping and general epic destruction at the end. You handled all of it with some flair, but I really liked the thieving capers, horror, and romance the best. So what are you BEST at? Maybe horror. I do think they ought to track you down and set you to work doing the screenplay for a horror movie, because I think I would probably like it a great deal. This is not to denigrate any of your other efforts, I’m just saying that horror is one of your strong suits. You do good vampire, and that’s getting to be kind of unusual these days.

Again, being fandom blind, I probably missed a lot of intended meanings, but whatever Oblivion canon Parting Glass is tied into, Jack’s story has been fun and satisfying in it’s own right. Thank you for your hard work in creating it, and thank for sharing. I hope we hear some from you.

Best,

AE

OK, so lots going on this chapter. In which the plans and events taking pplace at the beginning of the chapter get interrupted by the sounds of fire, doom, screaming, that loud glop of the shit hitting the fan.

Now my fandom blindness prevents me from knowing about reigns and demises of specific Emperors, so it may be that the events of emperor so and so getting assassinated, sent to Oblivion, or whatever would be familiar to fans. And I don't know a lot about these demonic critters, but I get that they're bad karma.

But to get to the specifics, I was very much intrigued by this female thief and what was up with her. Maybe she's part of the solution to Jack's problem, if there is one, or the next Fox, or whatever. or maybe we aren't getting back to her, but I was interested to learn more about her.
Lex was kind of an interesting guy and reminded me of a police captain who blabbed about a guy in federal witness protection, but that's another story, and I really can't tell all of it here. But the point is, I've seen cops who had trouble keeping their mouth shut about one thing or another. He's clearly a threat, and whilehe's not as smert as he thinks he is, well, he is persistent, and that shouldn't be underestimated. I did enjoy Jack's dealings with him.

We come now to the attack of the demons, or whatever. I did like the feeling of chaos and confusion when the attack began. I was a bit confused by a reference to the "whirring thrum of machinery". Are these things partly or wholly mechanical? The giant bug has a kind of Martian fighting machine quality to it.

I liked the scene with the demon a lot, especially Jack tripping on his own intestines. That'll ruin your day. It's way worse that tripping on your shoelaces...but seriously, folks, good scene. Brutal scene. I'll even go so far as to say a good brutal scene. or maybe brutally good...

I gather this invasion is widespread, and I assume a canonical event in this fandom. I like the sense of physical and emotional devastation when jack was sheltering after being shishkabobed. And I absolutely loved

["I'm afraid you're a little late, Brother Martin, since I'm already damned, but I appreciate the sentiment. And oh, by the way..." I paused to glanced back at his face, his expression torn and helpless with terror and confusion and fury. In the days and weeks to come, after I'd learned who he truly was and what he'd done, I'd wish I hadn't. "Thanks for the ale."]

And what has Martin done? Methinkst I shall have to find out...

OK, a few thins to say here. First, the fight with the troll rocks. (Speaking of trolls, I love the note at the beginning.) There were a number of things I liked about it. One is that mirrors some real life experience I've had (Not with trolls), but with having an animal get spooked by the presence of danger you don't know is there. They really do that. And the feeling of being ambushed is definitely there. I just really groove on that scene in general.

But I will make one suggestion in the realm of concrit.

[The troll bellowed. It was a hoarse inhuman sound, something between a cough and a bark, and deafeningly loud. It echoed off the rocks, turned my guts to ice-water and sent a flock of tiny rock-starlings, each no bigger than my little finger, bursting up from their nesting site in a wheeling skitter of wings.

One of the boulders moved. It unfolded, and kept unfolding, a massive bulk of muscle with long ape-like arms. It bellowed again, then thundered down the slope towards us, sending an avalanche of loose rocky scree raining down around us. Phantom wheeled away, terrified.]

Here's the thing. I LOVE the bit about the boulder moving. What a great way to announce that you're ambushed, and now officially upp to your asteroids in the nasty and the awful. What if instead, the boulder moves first, and you don't know what, exactly this is, and then the troll roars. The moving boulder is a better way to open the scene, I think. Then, when the troll roaors, you know it's a troll. But I do like scene.

Jack's whole reaction to the loss of the horse is touching and rings true. I personally have had my sanity shaken by the loss of an animal friend, and it was his last link to Millona. And the imagery and the whole scene in the cave rocks. I loved that imaginary conversation with Millona.

And the Piss And Lark. Yeah, that too.

Regarding the death of the troll, I will offer my second bit of concrit. The most plausible way of taking a troll down with a dagger is to sever a major artery, and he bleeds out. The most plausible candidates are the jugular vein and carotid arteries. If Jack stabbed and hit the jugular at the right angle his blade might keep going until it got into the trolls jawbone. Carotid artery is also fatal, and you've got actual skull behind that.

So I liked this one a lot. I feel bad because this is a short review, but I had to work on my WIP today and it's back to the salt mines in the morning. But I really did like this, and I'll be back for the next chapter. Thanks, and keep up the good work.

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
So fill to me the parting glass,

Tom has a black cat. :)

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
"You're a handsome one beneath the grime," she said. "You'll break plenty of hearts when you're older, I'm sure."

A Renault 6 doesn't use coil springs or leaf springs. O.o

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
I spent it in good company.

He had a white cat. O.o

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
"What are you doing? Aren't you taking them?"

We have an elegant solution. O.o

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
He wriggled, lifted his head enough to spit out a mouthful of mud. "You're a dirty fighter."

She loves me; she has grown unused to her former state of life. :-)

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Now onto the actual review:
A boy, about my age, as short as I was, but considerably better fed. Cursing softly under his breath as the mud sucked at his ill-fitting shoes. Edging around the side of the stables, trying to figure out where the fuck I'd vanished to, because he'd had me in his sights a moment ago, and now he'd lost me and that was usually a bad sign. He licked his lips, took another step, cast a cautious glance over his shoulder.

U skillz ain't good. xD

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Now onto the actual review:
It was a wrestling match born of desperation, the two of us scrabbling in the mud, his fingers clawing at my face. I bit down on the meat of his palm, and he yelped. Aimed a vengeful knee at my balls. I flinched away, and he pressed the advantage, shoving me aside. As he rolled to his feet, I kicked out at his ankles, and he fell with a startled cry. I was on him then, swinging my bunched fist into his kidneys, and when he sprawled in the mud, I straddled him and hooked his arm up behind his back, my knee wedged between his shoulder blades.

He boasted about his skills. O.O

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Now onto the actual review:
Description: wears a gray cloak that conceals his appearance. Presumed male and Colovian. Height between 5 and 6 feet. Normal weight. Hair and eye color unknown.

Tom is afraid of people who are more likely to be victims of violence at the hands of the majority than perpetrators of violence against it. O.O

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

Now onto the actual review:
"They call me Jackdaw, my lady."

That's why Tom doesn't have a girlfriend. T_T

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

Now onto the actual review:
"I don't think she'd like you being a whoremonger," I said, resting the back of my head against the side of the stable. I was thinking about Mia. Wondering how it would be if she married Nate, if they'd let me tag along. Maybe the two of them would find an inn to run somewhere and I could work there. Not a shithole like this, but on one of the busier roads or even in one of the towns. At least Mia could be happy then; he'd take care of her.

I think that Japan's marriage system is an unequal and discriminatory contract disadvantageous to men. :P

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

Now onto the actual review:
"I fucking wish." This last Nate said so fervently I laughed. Our scrap apparently over, we circled around the back of the stables and sank down in a spot beneath the eaves. "She ever talk about me?" he asked.

The steeple of the cathedral of Seville used to be a minaret. :(