Ok got to say I love this story and you are doing a GREAT job keep up the good work. Yay Iowa ... hope to see lots more soon, and if you need an person to bounce ideas off of let me know.
Cameron

And wait...I thought she could replenish her ammunition with foods and such?
And if required, she could chew on steel bar to replenish...

I will be honest, They shouldn't get to use a ship girl if they are going to treat her like that...

I get the feeling that Nat is gonna troll some people badly, whether its the smart thing to do or not...

The flag problem was a nice detail

The best way to put any bad situation in total British fashion is to say 'bugger'.

I died laughing so hard I started crying from just reading that one word alone.

I am not sure what to say about some of the stuff in this story. I can tell you really hate the golden trio in this work but killing them off and then having harry blow his brains out later it seems. As dfor the shipgirl stuff, its more fun with them coming to after being summoned with thier gear and being able to use it. The fairies being part of thier crew is the fun part of stories with them along with the crap that is pretty much called Magical shipgirl sparkly bullshit. It allows lots of fun crap and the public seems to love the girls and different countries summoning them is the fun part. There is many story about the ship girls being public and the magical world still being hidden. Harry and the ship girls on a message baord is the most well known and longest i think out there.

lol, Nats beeing driven into a corner, as good as the offer sounded, getting the fuck out of there was probably the smartest move. Also I don't see the aggressive way he was probed and tested as an effective way of dealing with someone with Nats personality. Cornering him is bad enough, but intentionally provoking him and prodding his weak points is damn risky. In ordinary circumstances it would likely yield results, but with him beeing both condemmned and protected by the fact that he's the only one capable of summoning shipgirls I could easily see Nat escalating things. After all he knows that he can't beat the world, or even a magical society, but with the given situation he is perfectly capable of going for mutually assured destruction.
And from what I've read he would use threats like that if he was pushed hard enough, and I'm pretty sure that calling his bluffs is a BAD idea.

Absolutely love how you write this little selfaware psychopath in all of your stories, and curious to see if your gonna have the combination of him and the abyssals actually finish burning the world we know to the ground.

weeeel this was slightly trippy.

Looks like there is more going on htan we knew.

but even if he is apparently playing into the abyssaly hands, considering Nat as naive is a dangerous mistake. Misinformed apparently but naive looks like humanity anren't the only ones in for a surprise.

Also that waterbottle, dafuq? my guess would have been that seh found a way to take memories like you put them in a pensive and make them drinkable or something but the whole PLASTIK WATER BOTTLE thing seems a bit off, both for the weird magical researcher and for nat

well that took a sudden turn to the unexpected, getting real curious what ur doing now

interesting to get a bit more insight into Nats family, and how the hyperselfcontrolled kid is apparently the onlyone capable of keeping a coverstory straight.

Chaptereels like the calm before the storm on many fronts.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around Nats much more subdued and careful modus operandi with plenty other witches and wizards around, limited by people who know and match his skillset he is much more restricted in his potential actions, which apparntly greatly curbs his ambitious side.
Combined with the weakness represented by his Sister i kinda feel like ur setting him up to snap in this story which is a large contrast to the rather agressive and confident operator u portay him as in your other stories.

good to see u updating and as always hoping for more

unusual timing on the release, still enjoy reading ur stories, hoping u keep it up.
ps commenting via smartphone is a b****

If you actually used Harry Potter, or some other actual canon and known character, then I might have been interested in reading further. As it is, we have exactly zero knowledge of "Heir Tempest", other than he can apparently mix magic and technology, is a duelist, graduated Hogwarts early, and knows a random OC Japanese witch. I can understand the Japanese witch being OC, but not the MC.

Could really work on the punctuation. Lots of missing commas and odd sentence structure.
FYI Campbeltown is spelt as such. L after E.
The rest of the writing is very good.
Top 10% of the site including flaws.
7.4/10

Nice start
I don't have much experience with KanColle but I like what's here.
Two minor problems though. 1. You need to remember to capitalise "i" s when used in isolation, it looks weird and distracts a little. 2. Some of your descriptions could use development while the longer paragraphs could use breaking up to avoid Wall Of Text.
Solid 7.2/10

Qq. Is it Nat as in like shortened Natasha, e.g black widow, or is it supposed to be Nate, like from uncharted?

story concept looks interesting. but the large amount of spelling errors and lack of proper punctuation makes reading this a headache inducing chore