Fandom blind here, but this was a strong and intriguing opening chapter. I like how you’ve layered the slow realisation that she’s in a world that she recognises from the outside, without her being certain of where – and when in the timeline – she has been placed. The narrow focus at the beginning was well done, with the boy hovering above her retreating in pain and out of her vision before she begins to move. Liked the way you used her thoughts throughout the first scene.

“I never played the sequel; it looked wholly underwhelming, and the reviews gave me similar ideas that lead to me never even buying it” - enjoyed this bit. The “awful crawling sensation” that kept returning was very intriguing and I’m wondering if it has something to do with her body being in a place it isn’t intended to be, was happy that the source remained a mystery throughout this opening chapter.

Oh, I liked my first impression of Yuan. This line was great – “An awful chill settles in the core of my belly, and I practically disappear under the covers, feeling tremors wrack my body”. I’m guessing his character invokes fear from the game – the trademark cape bit was an interesting detail, and I liked how polite yet blunt his first line was. Very ‘to-the-point’ and suspicious of her from the get go. The little details in how he appraised the situation were well done, particularly liked the tapping of his arm in a pattern as if he was trying to fit together puzzle pieces and the eye twitching in irritation. The way he played off against Yue was entertaining; she definitely invoked the no-nonsense motherly vibes. Jin’s “She’s pretty dumb” comment was also great.

I really enjoyed the end scene – have I mentioned how much I like Yuan – the scoffing about the fresh footprints was entertaining and the furious yet exasperated tone about the clothes. [“And there’s blood on your hands, and that’s pretty fucking disgusting and –” / “I will drop you”] – loved this bit.

“Now that that spectacular display is over with…” – this and the last “No” were entertaining. I really enjoyed this opening chapter, very engaging!

I thought the fight was realistic enough, and enjoyed how you wrote the chapter as a whole! Super happy you didn't kill Yue. Hopefully they stay safe and settle down in Hima alright?
I'm worried for Avery though, because I imagine killing someone, especially as a civilian from a relatively peaceful country on Earth, and especially in a situation like Avery's, is...traumatic. To say the least. I hope she finds a healthy coping method to deal with everything this world is going to require of her.
Looking forward to training with Kratos though! And really interested in seeing how you further shape the characters of Martel, Mithos, and Kratos, and their relationships with Avery.
Thanks for the update!

Your fighting scene was great! Love how she remembered yuan’s teachings. And I hope we get to see more prickly yuan next chapter. Im wondering what ripples Avery will make in the story line. I wonder if she’ll also become a part of cruxis and an angel with the rest of the group. I’m looking forward to next chapter !

so you know, this story actually changed my opinion about stories starting out this way. i've always been iffy about self-inserts before the actual plot of the game but i took a chance and read yer story and was not disappointed. you even made yuan the ass he was meant to be! i actually loved him more now than i did the game. though i guess i would change my tune if i was to actually meet the basterd, but hey. thank you fer this story. it was great!

This story is so good! I love fics that are earlier in the timeline (not that there are many, sadly). Look forward to the next update. :3

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH OMG
SO DAMN GOOD
PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

OMG THIS IS AMAZING
I give you a lot of credit with this story though. The game didn't go into major detail with the Kharlan War and everything that happened but you're still doing a great job with this fanfic. I can't wait to see how this story progresses through the war and what Avery plans on doing when she meets Yuan again or maybe Kratos, Martel or Mithos!

Keep up the amazing work!

Really enjoying the story so far.
I wonder if Avery will be able to convince Yuan to train them? :)

I'm loving this new story of yours. I'm really worried for the main character though.

Some (a barrage of) questions:
What kind of physical side effects are there to being an earthling in this magic fantasy world? Is her health going to be permanently damaged? When will she worry about possibly returning? How is she going to cope with the loss of her family and friends as her stay in this world extends? Will Yuan lose his family any time soon? Will she be there? How is she speaking and reading their language so easily? And, unrelated to our MC, how can Yuan be so callous about rape. My opinion of him, which wasn't all that high to begin with, took a small dive when he mentioned that 'impassively'. I would've been assured if he'd shown the teensiest bit of distaste for it, but... Mmgh. I am conflicted because I can understand why he would say it so nonchalantly to her, and yet those reasons just aren't enough? Personally.

Loving it; thanks for sharing. :)

Great first chapter! Avery seems to be at least a little different from Eden and it'll be interesting to see how she grows throughout the story. The as well is sure to be different and I cannot wait to see how it changes as the story moves on.

Seems like you've took what you've learned from Project Green and used that to improve your writing for this story. The setting is definitely unique as I believe you are the only author to do a self insert set during the Kharlan war.

Here's hoping this story will serve as inspiration for other ToS self inserters to do their own stories set during the Kharlan war or other periods in the history of the worlds of Sylvarant and Tethe'alla. There's 4,000 or so years between the war and the game, surely something interesting happened.

Keep up the great work! Waiting with eagerness for the next chapter.

Hello there!

When I saw your fanfic, I told myself: "A self-insert story? During Kharlan War? OMFG SOUNDS GREAT!". And I'm not disappointed at all. D

It's a very good first chapter! You wrote it very well, particulary Avery's state. I totally understand her confusion: almost amnesiac, totally lost in a world she doesn't know...yes, because she knows ToS story and universe but not Kharlan war story...I mean, not very well.

It's an excellent idea to do your fanfic about Kharlan War with a Self-Insert in it. I think you are the first to do it, right?

So, I'm looking forward the next chapter. :D

Ho, and I'm sorry about my english, it's not my native language. :/