You really need to rein in your descriptions. I couldn’t get past the first couple of paragraphs because of the detail in which you described everyone’s outfit and the decor. The info about rose printed tablecloths and runners was WAY overboard. Less is more, in a description like this. There is a line as far as sartorial interest goes - readers want to know what characters look like, but the descriptions of outfits (particular necklines? Allow your readers to imagine more. State the color of the robes and if they are form fitting or flowy only - let everything else happen in the imagination) was too much. And then immediately after way too much info about clothes and decoration, Hermione’s behavior at the start of the ball seemed unusual. If you’re setting her up as your heroine, why is she suddenly this nervous bashful lip biting girl? Thats not the Hermione of cannon, and changes to her character need more buildup.

Despite my critical review, this is a great first start in the fanfic world, and I look forward to your future contributions. You write clearly and with minimal grammatical errors. I think you need more expansion on your characters and to hold back a bit on overly detailed introductions.

Really good!

Nice fluffy sexy chapter

Enjoyed your story.

Excellent - nice, romantic story!