Good chapter.

Really loving every chapter of this story.

Really like the character development you did in this chapter.

Very good chapter. Best yet.

Great story. Really enjoying it and the characters.

Really great story and characters. Very well written as well.

Hello!
I've just read the whole 25 chapters and i'm looking forward to what you have planned next ! Keep up the good work !

Thank you for writing again. Been waiting a while.

G’day Scorchedraven, I’m always happy to find an active OC fic in the Inheritance section.

I always start from the start which is the title. At its heart it means “Rise of the Dragon Riders’ which if it was in English I’d probably blow past it. It is a bit of a common naming pattern given that there are nearly fifty titles in the section that start with a variation of ‘Rise’ in the Inheritance section. Putting it in the Ancient Language at least lessens the familiarity of that kind of title.

The summary is sort of the same. I do recommend looking through the OC Inheritance tag to get a feel for what’s common in summaries, that way you can avoid blending into the background. Your average, dull summary goes something like, “Set after the fall of Galbatorix, normal/tragic OC gets a dragon and faces a vague, mysterious threat.”

A blurb/ summary has three pieces of information; the setting, the character and the antagonistic force. Hopefully the combination of these three will have something far-out enough to grab a reader’s eye.

For me, that eyegrabber is the antagonistic threat. Partially because most summaries leave it fuzzy, but mentioning it also that gives a story clear arc. Too many OC fics meander around with no goal. Eragon had Galbatorix; who or what does Corrin face? Razac? Magical disease? Environmental disasters? Assassins? Gimee something on the horizon to aim for! What makes your story unlike every other OC fic?

Also, you don’t need to repeat ‘Rated T’. It’s in the tags for anyone who’s looking and taking up valuable real estate in your summary! Fill it with the things that make Rïsa abr Shur'tugal unusual and unique and unlike any other!

As a first chapter, it’s short and nibbly. Later you ask whether you should keep it, I say yes but if your fic ever sees a rewrite, merging it with the first chapter will make it smoother as it’s more of a chapter scene than a prologue all on its own.

Not a bad intro, being a leader sucks and I can feel the dread of being bogged down in bureaucracy. However Arya doesn’t quite feel like the 103 year old elf maiden. It’s the vocabulary I think, which, you know, I get it. Arya sounds like a teenager in her room because it’s easy to tap into our own experiences... but that’s the joy of being writer. We stretch ourselves and our own patois to try and live another person’s life and give words to their experiences.

Arya reaches for a ‘snack’, which gives me the mental imagine of her reaching for cheetos and a coke. Instead remember Paolini’s colourful prose you could have her reach for a berry pastry furled inside a leaf. Or a glass of nectar wine. Filling in those details builds the world too.

My compliments on taking the time to polish your first chapter. Not a single typo, excellent attention to punctuation and paragraphing and making full use of FFnet’s formatting to make the telepathy clear. I do appreciate the extra time you take to make it easy for us readers.

I think the thing that’s missing from this intro is a hook. I do like that you start the rider in Ellesmera with an already grown dragon so I don’t have to reread another dragon egg ceremony.

It’s a nice opening, but not exciting. I do feel your first chapter is missing a hook. ‘Things are not as they should be?’ is a bit limp as far as intrigue goes. Your first chapter is bait and sometimes a reader might nibble and move on if it’s not tasty enough…. I bet if there’s ever a rewrite you could find that thing that gives Rïsa abr Shur'tugal bite!

I've loved the Inheritance Cycle for many years and it's awesome there are still people writing continuations of the storyline. Especially good ones! Love your idea, your characters and the way you write. Keep going, I'm looking forward to the next update!

Great I read all of this in 3 days and now I am thirsty for more. Can not wait for the next chapter just was wondering if there will be any villains or fights in the coming future? Keep up the great work!

It's great to hear from you again! I love the chapter and the debate/lesson. This was very well written and edited, great job ;) I can't wait to read more! Good luck and have a great week!

I love that you to used the knowledge you are gaining in school to articulate similar concepts in your story. History is ALWAYS valid knowledge and Should be discussed in this manner in all classes. I myself Enjoy discussing world history with people from other nations, it helps to set perspective. Especially since history is always written and clouded by the Victor's point of view. Everyone has their side of the story, but if you can hear them all you can find a speck of truth right down the middle.

update soon

Decent story :) Corrin is a likable character and you did a good job bringing about the personalities of most other's as well, except I think the receival of Murthag (who I thought was a bit OOC) in Ellesmera was a bit undramatic like you'd expect it since he did also kill Oromis, and the elves won't have forgotten that, (even if he was possessed by Galbatorix at the time, if the elves even know about that) though I think it wouldn't be as bad as with the dwarves. I do think there would've been a bit more tension during the feast for example.

The story-line with Corrin so far is a bit bland though. But I supposed it's because it's just the intro. The flash backs were a nice add though, so thumps up for that.

Anyway all in all a nice start of a what could be a great story.