Garbage

Is her relationship with Harry going to be romantic or platonic? If it does remain platonic, will there relationship stay as minion and boss or will it develop into friendship or they become something like siblings. If it does develop into a romantic relationship, it would make more sense for Harry to initiate it, but so far her personality leans more towards the i-won’t-like-then-if-they-can’t-beat-me or that’s what I got from what I’ve read so far. Make Harry more powerful then her and have him confess in a totally cannon oc way. Eh, no matter what path you choose for there relationship, I’m sure it will be a good read regardless.

I can understand why you say that. Leveled up extremely fast same for the cash. It felt way too rushed. I've already read the rewrite and it's is a hell of a lot better. Keep up the good writing.

This is fun

Thanks for sharing this with us.

the systems rigged but good story though you could add more detail

Its reallly good info...

Uh...English isn't your first language I'm guessing. Anyways, critiques. First off, this person is too headstrong. It's very unrealistic that she would just jump in and accept everything. Second, parents. No one would let a nine/ten year old kid stat on the streets like that. They call her homeless, so they know. Third, the gamer system is not explained. Somehow she ends up in a dungeon when she's level one and beats a zombie straight up without dying. Also inflated money drops. 400k for a boss zombie (I'm guessing, I don't really understand what the heck she meant when getting 400k a pop)? She's only level 17, even if she were grinding, she should have been a higher level if the money wasn't inflated. So, what you can work on? Better English, I suggest a beta, they do wonders if you can find a good one. Second, explain your character seriously, make sure she has a backstory and a personality before you try writing her. If she has a reason why she's so nonchalant, then that needs explaining. And no, reading light novels does not count. Third, put her in an orphanage, at least. Or maybe you'd implied that she was? Make that clearer. Fourth, explain the gamer system. Everyone had theirs a little different, and not everyone has heard of the manga the gamer. And finally the money. No one has the attention span to grind their entire lives away without bots or moderation. Money should be harder to get, otherwise you're just making her a god/omnipotent being, and no one wants to read a story where there isn't a slow development of skills and the weak rises up to strong. That's this trope's best selling point in my opinion. So yeah.

Great chapter !

It's funny !
I love it and I hope read more soon.

Awesome! I’m really looking forward to this... is her minion going to be harry? It would be interesting to see how hogwarts would go if harry follows her around doing what she says