Just thought I'd mention it: Okayama and Nerima are actually both on the same island of Honshu. And by car it's about an eight hour drive from somewhere in Nerima to the Okayama (the city, not prefecture) mountainside, where the Masaki shrine supposedly is.

this is really awesome and interesting i cant wait to see what happens next please continue!

Ohkayama? Whatever, this was published eight years ago. The internet sucked bad back then.

Very good. I almost passed this by before I noticed who the author was. The Zorch is usually well worth reading. This is no exception.

thanks,

Mike

Let me state, upfront, that I enjoyed the fic. Make sure you keep that in mind as I continue this review.

My biggest complaint is that the grammar and spelling are ofttimes lacking. This is compounded by large paragraphs and formatting that runs together. On several occasions, I would get lost in the middle of a paragraph, since none of the opening sentences would fit the closing sentence I just read. (yeah, that confuses me too, but I don't know how else to put it)

Other than that, it was a fun fic. You'll probably have some flames, unfortunately, due to some of the cliches in your fic. The one that pops into my mind upfront is the whole polygamy situation. This route is very, very common in Tenchi fics. The main problem I have with it is how Tenchi ended up with all five of the match ups. Ayeka and Ryoko would/should be definites, and there are several indications that Tsunami has her eye on Tenchi, but Mihoshi and Washu are another matter. Although both have shown a little bit of a crush, that's about as far as they ever went. Shoot, Mihoshi hardly ever even looks at the kid in either the OAVs or TV series. She's just there for comedic support.

But I digress...

You'll probably also have some flames about not making Ranma as strong as Tenchi (aka, lighthawk wings). Personally, I want to say congratulations on a job well done with that. Ranma is new to the power, so he might get them in the future, but who knows. As the fic points out, several times, Ranma has a different kind of strength than Tenchi.

Speaking of which, I find it somewhat interesting that Ranma never inadvertently tapped into his Jurai powers before meeting with the Masaki's. I always find that approach to be interesting, since Ranma is incredibly attuned to his powers, and has been in many harsh battles. If you look at Tenchi Muyo (canon), Tenchi is hardly ever 'instructed' on how to use his powers. He just seems to find new powers as his limits are pushed to beyond what he would have been able to previously handle. And that's enough about that.

All that having been said, once again, thanks for the fic. I look forward to reading the continuation.

Hmm pretty OOC, and just plain strange. I pretty much gave up around chapter 3, when you made Ranma start losing to Kuno and Ryoga. It was just pathetic. The basic idea of this fic was rather interesting, but I think you forced the path a little to much. Spliting the story between the two families didn't help matters much either, it left you even less space to give situations any real detail. Nothing is really wrong with this fic, just wasn't enough right with it either imo. By the time you made Ranma lousy fighter, I just couldn't read any more.

Really good.

Hm, I don’t think I have ever really been happy with a Ranma "harem" ending before. I was a little put off with Golden Opportunities and the Black paw, and disgusted to various degrees with most of the others. Somehow though, you manage to pull it off believably. My favorite aspect of the story so far is that you really seem to understand the characters, while you might not be as descriptive as some of the other writers out there; I had absolutely no trouble identifying with each of the main characters. Though, I have two complaints. First, there isn’t much along the lines of foreshadowing, aside from mentioning the different people who had overheard where Ranma was going, of course. Secondly, I am a little bit unhappy with the lack of time spent with Ranma's training in the Jurian powers; there is no sense of time or scale. For all we (the readers) know, he learned it all overnight. These are not things that need to be changed, just points to consider in future works. I hope you keep expressing yourself through writing, as it is a rare skill, and becoming increasingly more so. May you overcome each obstacle yet always be challenged, for how else can we grow? Ciao.

Great job, loved the whole story.

good story!

HA HA HA this is great next time how about having a reunion with ranma and maybe some of the dbz gang or inuyasha.

You spelled Okayama wrong. It's not 'Ohkayama.' In all languages, in most cases, just because you hear the letters doesn't mean you write them.. Just because you hear the 'Oh' doesn't mean it goes. Please try to spell check terms in languages that you are not familiar with; it is insulting to use terms from any language and not know what they mean or the correct spelling. Don't take this personally, it could've have been a honest mistake, but I hope you consider it anyway.

just a quick correction it's Funaho and Jusenkyo that's the spelling

fun story

I would prefer to review this one based upon the feasibility of the events, rather on the whether or not canon events were portrayed accurately or characters were in character; other reviewers have beaten me to this. I will, however, provide you with a bit of advice on the subject, which less constructive 'reviewers' decidedly left out.

I will be the first to admit that I am vastly more familiar with canon Ranma than I am with canon Tenchi, but you could seriously make most of the plot points in this story work with a major rewrite. I reccomend creating sidestories for this fic if you don't like the idea of adding flashback scenes.

You pose a very interesting and novel scenario - I commend you on that - but the complexity of some of your ideas call for a much longer, far more in-depth story (possibly 600,0 words as opposed to 38,0.) I understand that this presents a daunting task; be patient with your story and make sure you're inspired. Good writing never comes quick and easy... and I see the potential for this to be a killer fic.

When an author presents so many drastic changes in a series' canon plot, it is always wise to present sufficient background to justify the changes you wish to make. Think of it as a shield from flamers. Off the top of my head, it would not have hurt to go into more detail about the estrangement of Yosho and Nodoka. DEFINATELY go into the events surrounding her death. This is a tragedy not presented in either the manga or anime, so glossing over it is tacky and, as another reviewer mentioned, leaves readers familiar with the canon story confused. Another 'reviewer' presented the 'opinion' that Ranma was too 'wimpy'. You could feasibly tie Nodoka's death to this and pull it off beautifully, IMO: Without the omnipresent katana and tanto in Genma's (and by extention, Ranma's) life, a good deal of pressure to be a manly man might have been absent. Who is to say how this would have affected Genma's training, ergo Ranma's general outlook on life?

I will also note that you portrayed Genma a lot more respectably than not only a lot of authors, but than Takahashi-san herself. Would canon Genma ever be caring enough to be receptive to Yosho's wish to bridge that gap between himself and Ranma? Sounds to me like the kind of thing Genma would try to run from. The very fact that you used Genma as the bridge between Yosho and Ranma is one of the things that made me want to keep reading. Try to flesh that aspect of Genma out a little more - correlate it to Nodoka's death even - as it is a very rare treat in Ranma fanfiction indeed!

Another word of wisdom... if you plan on writing a fic based primarily on any series or manga, it NEVER hurts to do extensive research. Get to know the characters... how they think, how they feel, how they act. Become intimately familiar with the events and trials the main characters go through. Write down the names of places and people. Always verify spelling and word usage if you are using aspects from a language not native to you. It wouldn't hurt to go so far as to watch a series from first to last season or to read every volume of a manga (although with Ranma, purchasing every volume may be costly) It will go a long way toward helping you write in character.

To reiterate, if you plan to make any changes to a canon character's personality, that seems to me like a great excuse for a flashback or sidestory; creative writing is a beautiful thing in that with the right explanation, you can make almost anything acceptable if not completely feasible.

You've got a great idea here and I think it could go a long way. Don't give up!