Okay, so I know you didn't actually put a [career] tag on this so I'll try to restrain myself but... I just love commenting on your work so much that I might not hold it in so well. Just... fair warning, 'kay? 'Kay. Cool. Great. Let's do this!

Oh, hey, Yori! Finally we get more of this guy! Believe it or not, I've been waiting for this one-shot ever since you joined TSoS. I feel like Yori is to your story as Getotsu is to mine: he plays his part and definitely has a certain amount of autonomy, but he's easily forgotten in the face of more central characters like Rueban and Yukiko. Good to know he finally gets a fair shake here.

Ah, I forgot how smug this kid can be. The second paragraph especially puts him in an unfavorable light because of how distant he seems from Sammy. Geez, and you wonder why she went with that other guy? I mean, he goes through the motions, but he doesn't seem close with her. He refers to her by position rather than name and really doesn't seem to know if she's been learning anything or not. Even if he does care, he really doesn't seem to understand her at all.

Hmm... the dialogues a tad dry. Maybe work on the flow there to get maximum levels of believable teen? It's a really weird blend of laziness and efficiency, but I swear there's a science to it.

Oh dear! Be careful of tell-not-showing! Lines like "Sammy shrugged, not pleased by the way that boy... or man treated Yori seconds ago" tell us exactly what Sammy is feeling without showing concrete evidence. Have her glare at the guy's back or something and you won't have to tell us how she's feeling or who it's directed towards.

Hmm... if wrestleboy attends the same school Yori does and manages to get by with minimal attendence that tells me that Yori's batting under his league. Why go to such a lax school when you're such a bright student? This is Japan! Competition for the highest quality education is fierce. So why does Yori settle for less?
...Does it have to do with Sammy, perhaps?

Also, careful with lines like "The russet haired boy couldn't help but fume about that boy"
I mean, boy... so much repetition can muddy the action, y'know?

Okay, Sammy's "I think you might as well get my coffin ready" actually feels authentically melodramatic and sarcastic. Good job hitting those notes there.

"and Yori had enough negative encounters to call themselves friends"
Uh... is-is that sarcasm? *Squints*. I'm so confused...

"But as fate often [derailed] those hopes and dreams"

Why does Bruce use the 'kun' suffix? Isn't that usually a term of endearment? If he's trying to be rude, I think he'd leave off honorifics altogether.

"He tried to flatten the [crumpled] fabric of his uniform"

"Last time I checked, you don't have classes here"
"Well you're wrong because I'm taller!"
Excellent debate skills there, Bruce. You're gonna win nationals for suuuuure. *coughcoughnotreallycough*

"There was nothing good about ending up in the hospital or dead(possibly replace with [morgue]?) at a time such as this."
Are you implying there is a good time to go to the hospital or die?

Oh, wow. How is Bruce not suspended for something like this? I mean, that's at least a suspension, right? Or is highschool even more unfair than I've heard?

Okay, I do like this glimpse into Yori's home dynamic. It adds a nice little layer of depth as we see where he's coming from. The way you build him up, this guy really is a nice match for Neku in some are awkward, smart, probably targetted at school. The difference is that Neku learned to go numb while Yori stayed invested. Hmm... Might have to do something with that eventually...

On the decision to stalk Sammy... I get that this makes logical sense to Yori, and that's well done. But... seriously man... "She probably wouldn't mind that he cared about her enough to do this for her"? I know that's how you see it, but she probably won't be so positive...

Wow. The passive aggressive is strong in this one. I mean, understandably so. You give us enough that we can understand Yori's position even if we don't condone it. Just... Wow. This hurts to read.

"As she began to stalk away, Yori immediately blinked in surprise"
...Were you expecting a different reaction?

Also, Sammy is majorly dodging the questions about Bruce. Seriously girl, this does need some explanation.

"wanting to go home and dwell on his homework that he had been putting off when he [overheard] something"

Oh my gosh. That ending sequence at the scramble is fantastic! (Oh, and nice Rei cameo) Just... the way that Reaper baits him into it I almost get the feeling this was all a setup. And then, that last line "We have lucky Player number forty joining us already!" Shivers up my spine, kid! That was intense!
And now I want to finish UF...

Anyway, long story short, I like it. Nice little exploration of the character and a good tie in to your larger works. Even if it got a little on the rough side, I'm glad you chose to write for Yori.

See you again soon,
-CG

Nice length on this one Eevee! I'm feeling nostalgic for all your monster entries from last summer.

I'll admit it's been so long since I went through early UF that I don't have much memory of this character...but now I'm interested to see him again when I finally get my chance to do my reread of it.

This being said, you have a solid progression of arc and set up and I can definitely see your writing becoming tighter. Each line is starting to add to the overall progression and motion. Good improvement, Eevee, keep it up!

Hm, I'm still a bit behind on reviews, but I'm getting there. I won't be caught up soon, but keep an eye out for a possible review to your week five this week. And I am looking forward to checking on your original poem for week six when I get the chance. Keep it up!

-Avi