Another well-implemented start, though it doesn't quite match up to the promise of The Innocent Dementor.

As far as I can tell, there are two factors which contribute to the difference:

First, the one you can't really do anything about. This is simply a more mundane concept than The Innocent Dementor.

This is inherently tied to being a fanfic, while The Innocent Dementor is the kind of concept that you could build a published novel around if you can find a suitable public domain fantasy creature to substitute. (In a way, it sort of reminds me of The Last Unicorn in its "innocent fantasy creature goes out into a not-so-innocent world" theme.)

Second, The Innocent Dementor has an air of quality to it that this lacks. Now, unfortunately, the difference comes down to whether the story is "merely" a narrative or manages to build and shape emotional experience in the reader... and I'm terrible at emotional introspection, so I can't explain *exactly* why it works and doesn't work like I might for other problems.

However, I what I *can* say is that I suspect it's deeply tied into the fact that Voldemort is a character you're borrowing, while the dementor is one you built from whole cloth. With the dementor, the readers have no preconceptions, and you have full freedom to let your intuition run wild.

It probably also helps that TID is a story that establishes a sense of being some blend of fairy tale and bildungsroman and, so far, exists disconnected from any concrete points of social or cultural reference. (On that note, be very careful when you start to add more characters. I'd suggest starting with OCs because known characters would have more of a tendency to induce the reader's preconceptions about the setting to steamroll the tone that's been growing.)

By contrast, this plot is "yet another fanfic", following characters who are firmly fixed to a setting that ostensibly takes place in a contemporary setting... if a hidden portion of one.

...and I got a little side-tracked focusing on giving advice for TID. For this story, I think I'd need a better idea of what your plans for the arc as a whole are, before I can properly advise.

(Partly, I need to form a better idea of what genres the fic would best fit into before I can suggest what elements to bolster, minimize, etc.)

Plzzzz update.
This is a good story.
I want to read more.

its really good loved it so far can't wait to see what happens next