That last section was adorable. I really felt for Kya there.

[Christmas morning came to Tokyo like a bride riding in on her wedding day. Everyone knew it was coming, felt it gliding past in ceremonial secrecy, but no one saw it until the final blooming moment of truth. Then, as light streamed through the stained glass of parting fuchsia clouds, rosy life overtook the candlelight vigil of the city lights and signaled to the world that true celebration was now in order.]

Nice prose here.

It’s been fun to see more of people’s OCs! I don’t know all of them, but I know you’re and EeveeGen’s; so it was fun to read.

I also noticed this story wasn’t marked as complete JSYK.

["It's part of life," Reiko shrugged. "Nothing comes for free. For everyone living a full life, someone somewhere is footing a very large bill."]

Profound

Pokoni is adorable. And hmm, I didn’t know Mihael Angelo wasn’t your OC.

This was sweet.

["I have an… escapade with Amber that I have to attend. You know I hate to disappoint a lady."

"You hate to disappoint that lady. You're pretty indiscriminate with the rest of 'em."]

This was funny

Well it's been kinda bugging me that I haven't reviewed this yet so here we go.

You have my basic impressions on this from when I did my preliminary read, so I'll focus more on the aspects I liked that aren't so obvious.

The epilogue look at everyone is nice, pulling in the whole cast. I'll admit, I thought Pokoni was wearing a bald cap or something, not that he shaved his head-but it's not that surprising. Great show of everyone hitting their Ayane reflection points without getting too bogged down in one part.

And while this was Ayane's piece, I feel like there was enough reflection on Koizumi to give her some nods of what she means to them as well. Sure, she has Speed, but it's a subtle flavor to make an even better blend.

And the ending. I like how we end with Kyasako because it parallels their partnership in Hybrid. No matter the timeline, they still share a bond. Also some good points at Ayane's J0ker backstory, to keep up the great worldbuilding. And, no, you didn't make it too depressing. You hit the right combination of remrmberance and hope.

Congratulations, you've finished Twelve Shots of Winter! (Confetti whizzes about) You put on a great show this summer. Hopefully we can continue the trend in the upcoming seasons! You seem to be off to a good start by updating Hybrid, so let's keep it going.

I know you're internet is in crisis right now, but I'm assured that you can stay saucey,
-Avi

Alright. Actual chapter. Actual mental faculties to provide a review of some sort. The "rambling rain check" theorem still applies.

Anyways, opening. I adore the concept of younger Ayumu and Rueban trying to poke at Christmas presents with psychic powers. Wonder if Ayumu's gotten any better at that or if Rueban stopped trying to get him to peek.

And for the body, there's a lot to like. The way you toy with shared brain space via psychic abilities reminds me a bit of the shared consciousness state of 1200 channeling. The fact that Ayumu also translates Dai slang adds both a hand to the reader and a bit of humor at how difficult his speech can be to navigate. And then the touches of backstory relating to Beat and the family situation plus where Deckverse Chise maybe bring together your themes of family quite well, just from a different angle. A good thing to have in an anthology like this.

That being said, next week is the finale. I'd offer you encouragement, but I'll actually be beside you to do it in person this time! That being said, just two more days left.

I can hardly believe it's real, but I'll be seeing you soon,
-Avi

Having a lazy chill out day here. Hope you don't mind the less than in depth review?

First up, the DRAW. A nice touch back to Speed and a great way to let Yutsui have a place in this collection given her condition. These two just have such a great dynamic without having to say "I love you." Great show over tell.

Well if you wanna develop Hayato more, you'll just have to write more J0kerverse, huh? For here, he works as a great counterplayer to Ren as faith meets data. Also love the tidbit of the passing of the Solstice. Different cultures and traditions are interesting.

I also enjoy the slight red herring of Isamu waking up over Yutsui. Thanks to Speed, we know she's okay, but other people need their hope and miracles.

General anthology note: I really like the shift through time you've done of moving from the arrival on Christmas Eve and into the new day. Now to see how Ayumu spends his morning next week.

Hehe, the week twelve prompts work well for Ayane, don't they? Looking forward to that, too.

Summer is drawing to a close, but new adventures are on the horizon. You've done ten, so you can do two more. Let's keep it up, okay?

-Avi

Too much socialization, eh? Well, it's fine and all to be social, but do remember to take some time for yourself so you don't burn out, okay? That being said, you requested a [Career] review on this one, so I'll try to unleash as much of my MA knowledge on you as I can. I think you've earned a blow-by-blow review for this piece, then. Nice job taking the [Career] plunge, and may neither of us regret the results.

"Good morning[,] Sanae." Direct referrals necessitate a comma before and/or after as the sentence structure requires. Same edit refers to the next line of "Hey, morning[,] Angel!" (to which my personal reaction is quite amused, plus delighted to see Sanae out and about. Nothing like two alternate Producers having a chat).

"Say...hot cocoa with peppermint?" I will testify that peppermint mochas are a thing. Then again, Sanae seems to be more of a pure beans guy, as opposed to all the wacky flavor combinations there are out there.

Once more, your DRAW dialogue sections show great distinctive dialogue-no tags necessary, which is good since you don't use them in these formatted sections. Neither Sanae or Reiko have formal speech, but Sanae's extra slang terms identify his lines well, plus keep to his character.

"Ha! Put on a good show for me then, huh[,] Angel." Same direct referral rule.

Hm, I feel like at the end of the DRAW, you build up the flow to the end of the conversation, then push it a bit further. In particular, Reiko's "Take care, Sanae." feels very much like the end, then you keep going. Now, I get that the take care remark prompts the next line and pulls out a bit of philosophy, but it gives a bit of a jar as the reader slows down, then has to speed up once more before breaking again. This trips up your otherwise great dialogue flow. Try a different line for Reiko that can still prompt the same response. This will also stop the true final line "Until then, Sanae" from sounding like a sentence structure repetition of the line mentioned above.

"In many ways, the Minami-MATH Tower was a {miniature} sampling of the life in Tokyo." The metaphor is appreciated and sets up setting and paragraph that follows. However, the use of "miniature" gives the impression that the Tower itself is small (which, it may be in a relative sense, but I don't think that says anything for its size on its own), plus "sampling" already implies that you're receiving a fraction of something. Ditch "miniature," your words are already conveying that meaning.

"The bottom layers hosted {a} visitor information and customer relations..." "A" implies a singular entity (as here you have two), plus doesn't have a noun that really hooks into it, like "office" or "desk."

Great descriptive paragraph of the west terrace. You have great specific concrete details that show the surroundings and give a backdrop for the reader to view the scene in. I question just how much you need "The terrace was the last to see dawn in the evening and the last to bid the sun goodbye in the evening," since that's what it's location in the West rather implies, but the rest is good. I'd say you'd be better suited to describe where the son IS in this point, but you use that detail to kick off the next paragraph.

"The city was still dark by the time she made it back from the 104 building." contradicts "Christmas lights twinkled below and electronic billboards tried to tell her..." The city isn't dark: it still has lights. They sky, on the other hand, has slipped into evening or night, which is what you meant. Make sure you're describing the correct place-substitute out "city" for "sky" or whichever descriptive word conveys the same thing for your purposes.

"Reiko smiled {quietly} back at them." I could give you the whole adverb spiel, but I'll save that for if you're interested. In any event, I don't think most of us associate smiling with making any noise.

(Personal reaction again, I'm amused at how Reiko walked away with a cup of coffee anyway. Sanae sure knows how to "sell" it!)

"Stepping stones like full moons" You've had a number of great metaphors in this piece anyway, but this one is my favorite. Unique comparison, plus conveys a strong image. Making your setences pull double duty is a great skill to have.

(Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah Reiko knew Izo's mom. Dear goodness, CG, when ARE you writing that J0ker prequel? :P)

Another great set of descriptions as Reiko moves further into the garden here. Do give me some pointers some time for where you pulled together all these brilliant images.

"Noise kills don't leave very much to bury." And Japanese don't traditionally bury their dead. Cremation tends to be the norm. Keep in mind the culture that you're writing for.

"Reiko raised her eye{ }brows..." One word, in case my notation here isn't clear.

"Her hands moved to swing her braid over her shoulder so her fingers could play with it." I'm gonna be paraphrasing one of my undergrad writing professors for this one. It's not a rule I've always followed, but it's worth noting for this sentence. I think when most people move their hair, they do it with their hands. Why do we need to note that in the sentence, then? We can have a much more compact result if we take that out-"She swung her braid over her shoulder and began to play with the end." I feel like I've explained this concept poorly. Do tell me if it needs clarifying or if the point makes sense.

Here I'm going to caution against having just an ellipses in quotes in more professional writing (i.e., "...") I understand it conveys silence, and it's often a technique used in, say, comics. But let's look at it this way. If I had a comic panel of a character not moving their mouth, would I need that bubble to convey silence? I think not. I think having a detail showing us Neliel doing anything other than not answering (and I don't mean to have a narrative note of "She didn't say anything." We'll get that if there aren't any quotes involved) will be able to convey her silence while also giving the reader another image in their head. You know, making your sentences do double duty and all that.

"Is that so?["] You had a single quote instead of a double.

"She could just make out the outline of a small something sticking out now." Something is a rather vague word. Maybe use a more descriptive detail so we know what's visually capturing attention enough to notice. The color? The shape? You don't need to overload the details on this one, but give it a bit more to keep up your strong image streak from earlier in the piece.

"Did you at least get to see the stars?"
[Need an extra enter]
"Reagan stopped for a moment..."

Ahem. The overall conclusion on this is: The shining moments of this piece are the beautifully depicted images of the setting and scenery, which give a great framework to watch these characters walk around in. The biggest detractor I can see is the use of some unnecessary/contradictory words and a few telling over showing moments. (Note: removing unnecessary words can include ditching as many adverbs as possible, which I didn't dig into in this review. Again, if you wanna hear the long version, let me know.)

In terms of story arc, the use of the prompts did guide this into a point of "life often has sacrifices, but there are beautiful things worth seeing." For a more thematically complete stand alone piece, you could pull some of the discussion with Sanae back into Reiko's final thoughts on the situation, and also throw a shot back to the sacrifices her friends made that have allowed her to stand today. You kind of hit on this, but it doesn't feel like it all quite ties together overall.

Phew! I did enjoy the bonding moment, though the focus on Reiko's POV does make it feel a bit more like her piece then Neliel's. I think the opening scene was necessary to touch the themes and get Reiko to where she is, but the "outsider's view in" didn't work quite as well on this one as it did for Pokoni, I think. Overall, enjoyable read as always.

And, well, I'm pumped for what you'll do with Ren's piece. I know you said it was gonna be a trickier one to do with not completing an in progress story arc, but I believe you can do it. Let's hit the fantastic milestone of one shot number ten!

Hope this counts as a good enough career review,
-Avi

As Ruember fluff-it delivers. It shows their relationship isn't quite traditional, but these are J0kers after all. They have understanding and an enjoyment of each other, even if their views don't always align. In a relationship, that's key.

I will agree that the prompts were more brushed on than delved into-hey look it's the [As Literal as it Gets] achievement for you! But, hey, you used the prompts and that's what matters, right? I mean, I know you haven't gotten to my week seven entry but...yeah that one barely scratches the surface of those prompts either.

Even so, I do like the image of Rueban and Amber at a hover board meet. I also like the image of them dancing, even if it didn't happen in this shot. Some other time, yeah?

Also that haiku. Nice joke execution. I appreciate it.

I also like the little hints at Yutsui. I am looking forward to her finale piece, by the way. Though on the subject of Aunts and Uncles, it's funny to imagine Sanae running around main DECK not saying a thing about the J0ker crew the whole time. Sly cat, that one.

That being said-Neliel. Next week's prompts should be a good ride for her, even if the main isn't what one would expect for her. The alternate should work well, though. Any chance we're looking at more relationship building with her and Leo, or perhaps a different angle? Either way, looking forward to it CG.

Also that dedication of yours-fivhkll thank you. Even if I don't quite deserve all the praise. Don't be silly man, I'm the one who needs to break even with you.

Putting that aside, we'll see each other again in the next weeek. Don't overwork yourself until then!
-Avi

Look who's actually reviewing in the same week a one shot was posted. That's right. It's me! Is that as exciting as you becoming an uncle? Nope, but it's something! Congratulations by the way.

(If you're Uncle CG, though, that makes my Aunt Abo, now that I'm thinking of it...anyway)

But, yes. Pokoni. Good kid, if not a little rambunctious. What I find interesting is that you chose to write this piece outside his POV. Not a bad move by any means as it adds flavor to the collection, plus lets us see some outside perspective.

Hifumi's section works well to give some insight to what the main DECK folk are up to (plus her train of thought wandering to a certain Spades member is priceless). Also nice to see some other characters tossed about into the universe! I'm always down for more Izo, especially when his tsundere is showing. Plus the end section shows that no matter how unusual the Joker, they have others to work by their side.

Have I been poetic enough yet? Yeah? Cool. Then all I gotta say is that I'm naturally looking forward to Rueban's piece, and I will see you then!

-Avi

HOLY CRAP CG AFTER THIS ONE ILL BE CAUGHT UP WITH REVIEWS HOLY CRAP

(Ahem) Sorry bout that.

Anyways, I like the inclusion of Ayane in the DRAW. She's a great character, and seeing more of her is great. She's very much as aware of everyone as always. Also, the alternate outfit idea is just begging for a sketch.

Onto the main act, Getotsu and Yukiko is an interesting pair. Congrats on the completion of Eevees trade bill.

I will say that while I like the idea of Yukiko opening up a bit and getting into her DECK story a bit, she still seems a bit too...tame. I understand playing with a rating balance, but Yukiko without her all out cursing feels a bit empty.

On a less important note, Getotsu seems much more reactive than active in this piece. He's not leading the story, but almost getting dragged along by Ayana and Yukiko. It's not awful, but I feel like it stalls the piece a bit.

More technical notes: a couple of lines of dialogue in the DRAW repeat. Editing scheduled for a tidy up.

Hm, when I said I'd give more critical thought to this one, I didn't mean to sound so negative. Rest assured, I still enjoyed it, but there's some food for thought for ya.

Well, next piece is Pokoni, which means activity abound! I'll be looking forward to it. Til then, I'll be enjoying my two days without anything left to review...

Also any chance we can spare a chat soon? It'd make a nice birthday gift...

Totally not trying to cajole you into talking to me,
-Avi

Incohesive thought for an incohesive story? Look, we match!

Okay it wasn't that incohesive. You pulled things forward even if I STILL get lost in all the Zetta Squad kids. Not your fault; just my own.

Overall, I enjoyed the look into Arisa's thoughts. Makes me more pumped for FtUGU! Of course, looking forward to the next installment of Hybrid first, but it's even more well deserved Hype (see what I did there? Eh? Is this joke getting old yet? Eh?)!

And though I've already said this, congrats again on finishing up your classes, CG. I'm proud and glad you've accomplished the goal at the end of the journey. And um... sorry about the car trouble. Hope everything's okay on that front.

Forgive me for not having more constructive things to say, but my head hurts quite a bit at the moment. I'll try to have more to say once we hit Getotsu's piece!

Well wishes,
-Avi

I'm...kind of out of comprehensible words for how this made me feel. The first comprehensive thought I had was "aw look at all these rank promotions" and one after that was laughing at Izo overclocking his card and then...well I got so caught up in the emotion you weaved into this I kind of stopped thinking.

I think I mentioned that Izo's an important character I relate a lot to, right? So having the usually stoic Izo going through a quietly desperate attempt to find some semblance of a family he might have had before was very touching and just...thank you for the piece, CG. I'll try and be more astute when I get to review the next one.

-Avi

Alright CG the next of super quick reviews (and the last of my current checklist) for you. See, it fits cause you had a super quick time working on this chapter!

(This is a joke a swear)

You win the day by starting with Izo. Also props on writing his dialogue again. Man, writing him into Muse will be a challenge for sure.

Aw, Kya-chan got a promotion! Her singing strikes again, too!

Love how Dai's ready to help her out. He's still got a parental side to him, too. Love the family dynamic al around in this, which is what you were going for so good job!

You were right, DECKverse Ayumu has gotten some of Rueban's sass...

The "Ayu-san/Ayumu-sama" jokes hit dead on. I mean I put down my phone and laughed for a straight minute. Thank you for the humor, CG...

...and got totally ripping my heart out with the Sota Nao scene. Ugh. The feels you were trying to accomplish? You did it. No issues there.

Though you wrapped it up nicely with great bonding, as mentioned.

I thought I had another comment but I guess not. Even so, hope you're enjoying your break week and happy Fourth. It's a busy week for me, so I don't know when I can hit the next review, but I'm looking forward to Izo as always. See you then!

-Avi