Wow! I really loved this one. In all honesty, I've always loved your writing but this is one of my favourites which I've been desperate to leave a review for so here we go. This is messy and unorganised, but at least it's consistent with me!

Okay, so I love how one of the first things Cal says to Ethan is that 'I screwed up'; it sounds very much like HIM and the sort of thing he'd say. Nothing too emotional. Cal hasn't quite gotten what he's really DONE yet, so it seems, and he's just acting like he's done something silly like stolen Ethan's car and crashed it when he's actually taken a knife for his brother. I just liked that bit of dialogue and probably looked a bit too much into it, but still.

'No, this is a sound reserved solely for Cal. And that breaks and fixes him all at once'. - That is a really good part to me. Cal's never really understood and gripped the fact that Ethan really, really loves him, and never believed him when Ethan said (kinda) that he did. It breaks Cal because he hates to see his brother in pain/crying but it fixes him because now he KNOWS that Ethan really truly loves him. I just love that part a lot and I hope I understood it right.

The way that you've written how Ethan is crying, almost vomiting and unable to breathe, that got me. I was in the car when I read this (with people with me) on my phone, so I literally had to hold back tears because it hit me so hard. Amazing imagery, to be honest, I can almost see how Ethan looks as he cries in such a heartbroken way. You really did that part well.

Cal continuously speaking to Ethan despite the fact that he can't hear him is a special kind of hell to read... It's so sad, though, haha! Cal's telling Ethan how much he loves him and that he didn't want to leave him whilst Ethan's in so much - brilliantly written, may I add - pain.

"Ethan, you can't miss my fucking funeral!"- The swearing is very surreal and shows just how shocked and perhaps even angry/hurt Cal is that Ethan wouldn't attend it. He's frustrated with Ethan, possibly because he just wants him to get back to 'normal'. Cal has no idea how much he means to poor, poor, poor Ethan.

Ethan smashing the mirror was probably absolute hell for Cal to watch. With siblings, you just want to wrap them up in bubble wrap and never let them get hurt. But I can't imagine how much Cal wants to fix Ethan's bleeding knuckles, and how much that hurts that he can't and never can ever again.

I loved Ethan's speech, by the way. He mentioned the fact that Cal was a ladies man, and it was clearly approved by Cal, which was a good little thing which I can picture Ethan canonically writing into his speech.

'He was - he is - my brother' that's so sad. But it must be amazing for Cal to hear. That Ethan hasn't forgotten him, and that he's always his brother no matter what. Death won't stop that.

The mention of being more Cal was clever. Cal died young but he lived a good life because he enjoyed life and, as you say, took every opportunity he could get.

Ethan being unable to hold his tears back in front of everyone is heartbreaking but a powerful (not to mention realistic, I can see this happening) image.

The ending took me by surprise! I know that you said you weren't sure on this fic and didn't understand the concept of it yourself, but I would definitely like to know if you do work it out! I've been theorising about it because I like it so much.

Theory 1: Cal can only watch over Ethan until Ethan finds something close to peace. By saying the speech and getting it all out, Ethan got a snatch of peace ane then Cal could them go to the 'afterlife' as he didn't need to watch over him anymore.

Theory 2: Again, Cal watches over Ethan until he feels deep down that Ethan will be okay on his own. Then he can leave, which he does, which is when the world fades to white.

I made this whole messy, annoying review with ideas which are probably far off/can't be approved of anyway as you don't know yourself what the concept of the fic is, so I'm sorry! I probably sounded pretentious and irritating but I hope not! I just really wanted to give proper feedback on this because I feel like this is one of your best bits of work.

Cannot wait for more of your writing at some point! Thank you for posting :)

Xxx

T_T

I actually really liked this and the whole concept of it. It's sad but kind of lovely to see that Cal goes - like actually goes - once Ethan seems to come to terms with it, almost. As if Cal needed Ethan to say all of those things and go to the funeral and have closure - kind of - to be released from what I imagine to be torment. Watching Ethan go through all that and not being able to do anything. Ethan's emotions are shown so well and this is really well written!

Aww no! This was sad but really good, loved every word :-) I still can't believe Cal's gone to be honest.

I am in pieces. This was so heartbreaking but I just can't stop myself from reading, I'm not ready to say goodbye to Cal! Thanks for this!

Good Lord, that was poignant. I appreciate that you've acknowledged that peace for them is the firm emotional resolution of knowing the other loves him. Apologies, as I'm about to get off-topic and mawkish:
I die a few years before my brother, because he always has to come firstbut when he joins me, he tells me off for dying before him. We're little again and he plays with my hands because he's four years older and my newborn hands were a wonder to him for years. We read together and we walk on the beach near my grandma's house, and it's just us for as long as we enjoy the other's company. There's nothing in the world quite like your big brother and that really, really came through here.

Oh my goodness that was amazing! And the tears fall again. Great job x

PERFECT. I'm in tears. I never thought of how ghost Cal would feel watching Ethan fall apart and honestly this was like a balm to my soul because you are so so spot on, this is exactly what he would have been like if anyone believed in life after death somehow.

Absolutely stunning. Thank you for making me feel a little less lost and sad about the demise of my favourite relationship. Really, thank you.

What a punch in the feels! I really enjoyed the concept and you wrote it beautifully