Hey your writing is great so I hope you will complete it soon

CONTINUE ITTTTTTTTTTTT

When will you update this story? I know that I just literally read this but I'm so excited to know what happens next..btw, I'm Malaysian & I used a browser to get through this fanfiction website

He's going to kill somebody ooh, just wondering if he'll be broken by the aniki's!
I realiseer i am already at chapter 3, that was fast haha!

Hai hai thereeee,

This story is great to read, Shininchi goes bad and dark. There are not so many stories about that and i like it! And we have the same thoughts about that (refer A/N).

Please keep up the good work and i hope to hear from you the next time!

Ok here I am my friend, as you requested. Buckle on your seatbelt and let's get this party started.

My first advice would be: aesthetics are everything. A misplaced punctuation mark, wrong narrative, block paragraphs or weird length, and the fic goes to shit.

On the third paragraph "one he would never expect-that would..." you should use " —" (i dont' know if this dash will show because ffnet format is horrendous) and there should be a space between "expect" and "that" , like this "one he would never expect— that would...". Otherwise expect-that seems like sort of a weird compounded word (like self-esteem, half-sibling, etc... are compounds words where this format would make sense). It might seem a minuscule thing but I assure you that just got you 10 points extra for good visuals.

I mean I know the plot is not what you would call a secret but revealing the plot in the fourth paragraph ("To know the villain, you must become them") is waaaay to early and it kinda ruins the suspense of what's about to happen? And suspense is good, I mean, to misguide the reader into wondering if it's gonna happen now or three chapters later? who knows? don't warn us about what's to happen next, be ambiguous!

"Bozos" lmaoo Shinichi you big doofus hahaha

"—catching them in the act—" again long dash and detached words please.

"aka being thrown in the ground is not pleasant." you know, I appreciate comical narrative if that's the way you want to write the whole fic? As is some Humor/mystery genre of some sort? But you have to be careful to keep the same style throughout the fic, like... first of all, who's your narrator? Is it from Shinichi's POV? is it impersonal or unreliable narrative? You have to be very careful because narrative sets the tone of the whole story and if you're depicting a serious, dangerous scene, a light-hearted jokingly tone could ruin the mood. I'm not very sure what genre you want this to be? I mean I'm not against throwing some humor because serious fics can become dull, but be mindful where you decide to add those little moments.

The storytelling pace is a bit fast and altho it does the work fine with introducing the catalyst of the whole fic, I wouldn't have mind a little more insight into Shinichi's thoughts while he was lying on the ground, maybe some inner monologue or description of his thoughts and feelings as he was lying on the ground. Or, alternatively, Gin and Vodka's. Their conversation was quite nice and I like the idea of Vodka being the one to convince Gin since he's mostly depicted as this idiot who doesn't have a mind of his own and just follows Gin around like a puppy. So kudos on that and I'm intrigued and excited to see if you will develop Gin's character more int he future since he was the one to "save" Shinichi from Gin murdering him. (I mean there's a kazillion ways you could work a Shinichi/Vodka weird friendship a la "I owe you my life but fuck u cuz this is probably worst, still I owe you" kinda way or whatever.

"..held hostage— could..." long dash and space please. Altho be careful because I myself am guilty of overuse of the dash so be sure to break it up with other sentence formats if you spot it being too repetitive.

I'm not a fan of (overuse of) exclamation marks to convey excitement/anger etc, but this is more of personal style, I suppose? I mean there's nothing wrong here but as a personal preference I would use physical description as clutching fists and grinding teeth etc. Again nothing wrong here but just personal taste.

"—he can't be serious—" long dash and space.

"H-He was going to be a criminal?" ...why is he stuttering in his inner monologue... (sounds silly imo)

"and said some rather vulgar words out loud, though it couldn't be heard..." a nicer way to put that would be "He cursed under his breath but the words were muffled by the cloth covering his mouth".

"you will possibly die" that's actually very kind of Gin lmao.

"—I think you're a huge liability" Yes, the dash and space of doom.

"Any resistance, and you'll get a bullet through the skull from me." Well this is more like Gin. And so his former line “possibly die" becomes and oxymoron. He will must certainly die. Gin is not the forgiving kind if u know what I mean.

Shinichi reaching his breaking point right here right now was WAY TOO FAST. There's no drama to it? It makes him look weak imo, just to crumble under Gin's threat so easily? I mean, get some torture going first, a few failed escapes, blackmail for his loved one's life. Something with essence. Let him understand how big and terrible the Black Organization is before him realizing that he's majorly screwed. That he has no choice. Right now all he knows it's that two bozos were doing some illegal deeds on a dark alley and now he's his way to meet some mafia boss. He knows nothing about this, it might be a big bluff. And it's not as if the boy hasn't seen some shitty stuff pre BO, right? So like, man, give Shinichi Kudo some credit lol.

As you're shifting to a different scene with a whole diff character there should be a separation line between this paragraph and Ran's introduction.

Overall: Not bad, I like the premise a lot. This chapter works nicely as an introduction, there are parts here and there during Shinichi's knockout where you /could/ add some inner monologue just for the sake of drama/suspense, should you choose to revise this fic (you dont' have to, it's fine). I really liked Vodka and that you gave him a purpose and personality (flower vase or comedic relief characters are so meh and unnecessary). Ran's part was rather short too but it doens't need to be elaborated as it serves its purpose just fine. PLEASE I WHOLEHEARTEDLY RECOMMEND that you revise the part in the car where Shinichi breaks because he has zero reason to so early in the story.

PLEASE REFRAIN from spoilery narrative man, you're shooting yourself in the foot when you could have a very nice thriller going.

I cant wait for when shinichi meets shiho

This is interesting. Continue when you can.

Poor Shin-chan, I really want to give him a hug right now.
Btw, I hope you're alright. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is very hard to have especially if you're writing or typing :( and get well soon with your cold too

thank you for updating. I really like the story because dark!shinichi is very interesting and I hope that you get well soon

It was so exciting to see that this story updated! Awesome chapter. Interesting to see that Shinichi has pretty much given up. Nothing else that he could do anyways. Totally loving this story and can't wait to see where you take it. Thanks for the update and stay awesome!

Kudo in black organisation stories are so fucking rare yet so fucking delicious !
I want to see how this is going to turn out

Please continue this. I'm interested in how Shinichi would be able to cope up with the situation and how ShinShi would come to play.

Poor Shin-chan T.T and poor Ran too
hope to see what's going to happen next

I love this! It's growing more intense! :D
for codenames...hmm I really suck with alcohols hahahahaha XD I really want to give a suggestion but I only know few cocktails like Martini :( I'm so sorry