Reviews for Our Dream
Aliveeeee chapter 1 . 8/8
Amazingly Wholesome and Funny xD noiceee.
Lonewolf1836 chapter 1 . 2/3
You got attention now I hope this story is more than one chapter
Reviewer chapter 1 . 1/26
yay NaruSaku
Azores chapter 2 . 9/6/2018
I think it's a good story. And I think you're a decent writer, so you shouldn't have any problem making this a multi-chapter story.
Elder Sibling chapter 1 . 8/29/2018
Jesus christ, tis absolutely make no sense...
Novrier chapter 4 . 8/29/2018
Alright, the first chapter (which is currently the only chapter) was actually quite good.
It was extremely long though. Don't get me wrong, that is not really that much of an issue, but perhaps it would be wiser to really split chapter into more manageable portions and dedicate more time to some of the content to sort ... mix things up a bit.
The story so far does benefit from very good structure, excellent narrative and style, while also doing a relatively good job at character development and portrayal.
It does focus more on Sakura and Naruto and their relationship and ... I have nothing against the pairing. Actually, I can live with pretty much any pairing if it is done well. So ... why not. Clearly romance is the main theme here and again, not a bad thing in its core. It was overall ... well, nice, at times adorable, at times emotional and so on.
It was not perfect though for a couple of reason. First of all, they are thirteen at this point. Yes, they are ninjas, saw death and so on, but in your stories half the time they don't feel their age. Not crippling, but at times it gets in the way.
Another things is Naruto. His personality doesn't seem entirely fitting, because, well, in canon when it came to his advances towards Sakura they were immature, awkward and at times even silly. Here, for most of the time he is smooth and feels kind of serious. Yes, he is still emotional and kind, but kind not in the way that would be fitting at this point.
The romance itself, even if the story is centred around it, feels somewhat rushed. You did give much content regarding it, but its progress doesn't feel plausible due to the sheer speed of progression. It was still a nice read, but due to the things I mentioned above I wasn't really invested in it all that much.
The actions scenes ... err, hardly the worst I've seen, but overall short, boring and uninventive. Sorry. I understand the action is not the focus here, but this is still a world of ninjas. Even if you write a story entered around romance, but set it in the universe where ninjas and tailed beasts exists, try to actually adequately reflect what comes with it, including combat.
What really felt kind of strange to me, was the overall reaction to Sakura raising her hand. Alright, Sakura's conflict was overall nicely down and so on. Sasuke's attitude seemed ... plausible. Naruto ... err, I am not saying he should be pissed at Sakura, but exams were important to him and it would be nice to see him actually trying to take more time figuring out how exactly he feels about it. He is an emotional person and the fact that Sakura actually demonstrated the lack of faith in him (even if for good reason) should be hurtful and I actually expected that to be the main focus here.
That is actually about it, some aspects of romance, especially when it came to Naruto just felt too melodramatic, too over the top at times. There is a delicate balance between making romance believable and adorable and making it too blunt and over the top. Just a bit, only in a few aspects, but you did cross this thin line I think. That is just my opinion and I am not really an expert or anything. Hell, I rarely read romance stories to begin with, I am more into adventure action stuff. But I do enjoy a good romance line done well that enriches the story. So the fact that I actually enjoyed your first chapter that is baed more around romance is an indication that it is overall nicely done.
Perhaps what ever faults I found were nitpicks on my part, but that is just what I felt while reading.
Aside from all of that, the only thing I can address is your ... update notes. First of all, update when you are ready, no need to really post these notes, because ... people expect a chapter and get some short note that ... well, it can piss quite a few people off. Also, such notes are plain forbidden by website rules here and all you need is for one jerk to report it and your whole story might be removed. That would be a real shame. If you really need to post a note, do it in the end of the chapter. As for replies to reviewer, there is a PM feature, you can use that one just fine. Again the only reason to post a reply (and again, as an end note after the chapter) is to address some valid point or issue the reviewer brought up and the answer would be interesting to other readers too.
So overall, I apologise if this review turned out too long and is in a way feels more like a rant. But that is just the type of reviews I leave, so sue me. But still, for the most part, I'd say this is a good story. I'd easily recommend it to anyone looking for some decent romance based stories and even those, who like me are more into action, this can be a nice enjoyable read. It is not ofter than I get to say it, but this is without a doubt worth at least checking out. Mostly, because there is clearly quite a bit of effort put into this story. Not just a basic idea and a bunch of cliches, but actual original concept, stable narrative, good structure, excellent overall style and relatively deep character portrayal.
As such, I do wish you what most authors need ... inspiration. Oh and more good reviews too, those help.
Guardian54 chapter 3 . 8/27/2018
I don't think this reads like a sequel to the previous one, as I think Naruto wouldn't be saying Sakura loves Sasuke so loudly if it was... so you might want to see if this is a one-shot collection or something?
Ann chapter 3 . 8/27/2018
You should raise the rating of this, someone dreaming about licking ice cream off of breasts is not at all a K rated fic.
ultrachols chapter 1 . 8/27/2018
I have to say I do not understand this second half of the chapter . naruto thinks it's a dream and sakura says nothing about it.
ultrachols chapter 3 . 8/26/2018
it was cool
Aya Song chapter 3 . 8/26/2018
i love it. so happy. cant wait to see sakura reaction to naruto injuries.
Spidey2 chapter 2 . 8/25/2018
Love this! Keep going!
Alex chapter 1 . 6/1/2018
I love it! I love this pairing and their relationship in this one just feels so natural, hope to read the next chaprter soon!
Angron11 chapter 1 . 6/1/2018
Great job! This fic was amazing, congratulations
narusakufan1985 chapter 1 . 5/29/2018
This sounds really good. Please continue. Naruto and Sakura forever.
30 | Page 1 2 Next »