Ashley better be thankful after this!

A very good story for now. I like how you connect the story arcs of different characters (Niko's, Lily's, Jessie's etc) to make one big story. However, I really wanted to see more interactions with the Brevic brothers (Darko and Damir) and let them present themselves into the story, instead of just shady kidnappers. Also, I suggest you add some characters from The Ballad of Gay Tony like Luis or Tony, that'd be great! 9/10 - Wes Sirius

Pretty good up till now. Can you add Luis Lopez to this story? It would be quite interesting.

I can't believe Johnny clobbered Niko but their reactions to it are funny.

So, not gonna lie, your first chapter was weak, it got better by chapter 3 and the story was going pretty good until chapter 13. I have a hard time believing a shy wallflower like Lily would hook up with Niko shortly after they admit their feelings for each other. I mean, I know it's possible to be shy and comfortable in your sexuality at the same time, but Lily doesn't like she is. She freaks out over sexy lingerie for Christ sake. I think I get what you were trying to do. Niko makes Lily feel safe so of course she'd want to "reward" him for saving her life multiple times and OMG does he save her life a lot. I hope she does learn how to fight for herself soon because this poor kid is going to need it. I read your Ao3 version and I just want to say, wtf, Niko! Why did you cum inside Lily?! That's fucking gross, idgaf if she's on the pill that's a nasty clean up and I should now! I guess that was his way of marking his territory inside of her.

Another thing I want to address is Niko and Lily's age gap. I don't think it's okay for a man to date a woman more than 5 years younger than him, but Niko seems to treat her with respect(except in chapter 11 omg I wanted to kill him!). Still, eight years is a big gap so idk how they will overcome something like this.

Now onto your OCs: We'll stick with the main two: Jessie and Lily. I've already talked about Lily a bit so let's continue. Lily is a deceit character. She's sweet, caring, and i noticed she's a bit sassy at times( all the things Kate was but Lily isn't a cunt), but she's also boring. It feels like you only created her to be something for Niko to fawn over and that's it. In her own story she wouldn't be able to stand on her own two feet. But this is only half done so we will see what becomes of Lily. Now for Jessie: I love Jessie! She's a fucking badass chick that balances out Lily's passiveness and I love that's she's with Johnny. Better than that bitch Ashley. But like Lily, she flawed. She's too hotheaded for her own good and she's a terrible leader. Like I'm sorry but if she dies it would be all her fault. Like wow she pissed off the wrong people and now she's pregnant so there's that. But hopefully motherhood will calm her down.

Overall, your story isn't bad. It's okay, but you can do better so I suggest you start doing that. I see you've written for RDR so I might take a peak.

Ohhhhh boy. I just-
words cannot describe how much I hate Dmir. You've done a fantastic job at writing him if we, the audience, hate him. Like seriously. He's such violent scum and the day Niko kicks his ass is probably gonna be the best day of my life tbh

I honestly felt bad for Mallorie, too, but as much as I love him, I wasn't really expecting Roman to remain straight 'n clean for very long. I sure hope he gets his shit together bc Mal deserves so much better if he's gonna be cheatin' and gamblin' all over again (she's such a precious bean and so is Mijo /cri/).

Much support,
Your friendly neighborhood Cinderfreak uwu

Ah man, I've always wanted Johnny and Niko to have more in-depth interaction...but not this kind! Why, Ama? Why must you torture me? ;~;
(To account for my absence, I hope to start leaving you top tier reviews like I said I would~)
Your friendly neighborhood Cinderfreak uwu

Oh damn, who attacked Niko?!

Like you said to me, do what you have to do. I understand writing can get tough especially with a lot of chapters that are necessary to move on to the plot. I hope your problems do go well for you, and you're not too stressed by them. If you ever feel like your plot isn't going anywhere, I'd recommend taking a break, no matter how long it definitely helps you out.

Sorry I haven't read this in a while, I've been focused on original work. But best of luck to you.

Hopefully when he's sober. The last thing Jessie needs is to deal with Johnny when he's drunk.

I'm loving the direction your taking this, even if it is shocking. Are you actually making Niko Bellic into the punisher? Because I did not expect for this to have so many punisher like superhero ideas.

Disappointing you faded to black. I was looking forward to stroking it to Niko and Lily.

Lmao! I love how they finally have sex and the only thing the reviewers talk about is the name of the kitten Niko have her! XDD

Good job

Aww, I love the name for the kitty

Can't wait for next chapter.