This story is really good

Hey there, I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been following it’s story since it’s conception on FF. I’ve reread what you’ve written so far about three times now, and I want to say how wonderfully you’ve really written this, seriously. There are all these subtle details you write in and the writing is just gorgeous! I’m glad to hear you’re back from your hiatus and that Battle of Hypori is being published soon!

You're doing an excellent job. However, I would suggest researching in the different abilities that Grievous body possesses.

The fic is fantastic and the political background is amazingly intricate. I hope you update this soon enough.

i cannot thank you enough for how much entertainment and joy you have given me with this story. It's interesting to get a different slant on the war as well as redeveloping characters or making them more complex. Also, fantastic writing btw. I did notice a couple redundancy errors but nothing too serious...other than that I think it's great. Can't wait for the big battle of Hypori.

You said feel free to critique, so here I go. Firstly, you had me from the start with your statement about the unfair treatment the CIS got in Star Wars media. I'm something of a Separatist sympathize myself.

The story itself is going in an interesting direction. Your portrayal of the origins of the war is very different from how it usually goes. This story makes the Clone War's beginning seem more like the Vietnam or Algerian wars where one battle is thought to be a localized incident that won't go much further, but slowly boils up into something much larger (unlike, say, the American Civil War where one incident leads to national-scale war within weeks). I like the different direction you're taking, and I like the "humanizing" of the Separatists with these other non-military characters. Your portrayal of Lushros Dofine is great, too. I might have to borrow some of his style for my story!

Now, in the technical aspect of this story, I admit I have no idea what's going on. Your grammar is pretty good for the most part, I have no trouble understanding what you're writing. Some of your sentences are a bit wordy, but that's not really a big issue. My big issue is your word choice. Such as when Dooku says "me and other authoritarian individuals," which has me thinking of Dooku sitting in a council with Sadaam Hussein, Hafez Assad, and Hosni Mubarak, instead of authoritative individuals or individuals of authority. This happens again when you write "practices so antiquarian," now I'm seeing Dooku reading the Beowulf manuscript. "Antique practices" would be a better phrase to get across what I'm sure you meant. That's just an issue of nouns and adjectives, I still understood what you were getting at.

But there are other, more questionable word choices in this story. Some examples:
ex-veteran
Do you mean ex-soldier (or in other words, a veteran?)
Mixes of surprise, shock, and "oh dear's" littered the room
Generally, emotions and sounds don't litter rooms because they're intangible. You could say that surprise and shock were seen throughout the room and "oh dear"'s murmured throughout it, or something.
how on Earth
Does Earth exist in the Star Wars galaxy?
gain a threshold in this conflict
I think "gain a foothold" or "cross a threshold" would both sound better than gaining a threshold, that's an expression I've never heard before.
There's a lot more little moments where I stopped and asked myself "Why did the author use this word?" But I'd need a day off from university to find them all and a document where I could just highlight things instead of transcribe them into comments like this one.

Don't take this the wrong way, I still like and enjoy your story, that's why I'm even writing this comment instead of hitting the back button and never thinking about it again like I've done for many stories featuring my main man Grievous on this site. But you did ask for critique, and as someone who gets dismayed at meager comments of "good job" and "cool" and "awesome," I thought I'd put my money where my mouth is and give you a serious review. I hope you find it useful!

Your writing is goergeous. I like how you've included the politics into your story without making it boring-it's actually quite fascinating! Also looking forward to the next chapter. x

Interesting political intrigue in this chapter. I thank you for another enjoyable chapter.

It's good that you've included the political side of the Separatist. And show that it's not filled with cliched people wanting power for the sake of power.

Trust me, ladies, they will be feared by their lightsaber skills alone.

You've done great as always, keep it up!

Wait? Are you already doing the Battle of Hypori? How long has it been since the war started? I thought for sure that the battle was at least a couple of months after Geonosis.

Besides from my rambling, this chapter's excellent. Seeing more of what Ventress is trying to do to unlock the enigma that is General Grievous.

Keep up the good work.

Thanks for another great chapter. Love it, especially Ventress' dream and the rations drama.

This is one of the most compelling stories in the Star Wars fandom. you know how to write a badass Grievous. If only this was canon...I cant wait for this to continue.!

Thanks for this fantastic chapter. Few people do a compelling Grievous, you are one of those few.

Such a display of Grievous' brutality and cunning. Simply brilliant.

I've loved it from top to bottom. Keep up the fantastic work.

I had the pleasure of coming across this story earlier this evening and got sucked in right from the start! The writing is beautiful, the story and pacing is great so far, as well as intriguing. I love, love, LOVE how you portray Grievous and Ventress in this! With those two being among my favorite characters from Star Wars, finding stories like this is such a delight! I’m really looking forward to see where this leads! Keep up your wonderful work, I’m eagerly awaiting the next chapter! :)

I have just started this story and i am about to read it but ill say this. It looks fucking good and i love that you want to not show a simple Black and Grey. Like i said i have just started and i do hope you go in and talk about the Kaleesh. I better get started on this now. See ya on chapter 8 when im done.