nice

Best fanfic 10/10 put it on a cereal box, would ingest into anus again, love it, marry me creator, you are my god, my daddy, my furry lord

Nice! Just a little suggestion:

Whenever a new character speaks, it's proper to start a new paragraph. Other than that, it's really good for a first story!

Anyway, talk to you tomorrow, I have to sleep now!