Reviews for My Best Friend |
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Wendy402 chapter 1 . 1/26/2017 First of all, this is really short! It's a good start and a good first story, but you might want to try developing more of a story in the future. But as a short read, it was pretty good. I'll just correct some things: In the second sentence, I think it would be better to make "I was in love with it all" as a new sentence. Or else it might seem like too much is happening in the sentence. "She had a boyfriend." Are you saying that she USED to have a boyfriend? Or does she STILL have one? If she still has one, it should be "she HAS a boyfriend." "I gave him my famous death glare and doing I would never approve of him." I was confused with the "doing" part. This doesn't make sense; maybe you were trying to write another word. It would be better to reword. "...but I knew I wasn't, isn't and never will be in the same way." I'm not so sure what you meant here...I would suggest changing it to "...but I knew she would never mean it the same way." You should change 'weren't' to 'aren't' in this sentence: "our kind of people weren't welcome in this society" since this issue is still ongoing. Finally, I want to say that your idea is nice. Lesbian characters are slightly more uncommon and it's always nice to see a twist in the usual stereotypical romance. However, I think using the word 'psychopath' is too strong. Society doesn't see gay people as psychopaths; it's more towards 'abnormal' or 'weird.' Overall, you have a really good start. You have a nice writing style; just a few tweaks here and there. You'll get better the more you practice. Good luck! :D |