Okay. Here we go. You have potential. But, you need to focus on making chapters longer. One paragraph isn't enough. You need at the very least 6 paragraphs to make a good chapter. Cool idea though. Grammar. When someone is speaking, you write their dialogue like this.

"How could I be so stupid?" Hermione said as she plopped the book onto the table. "I checked this out for a bit of light reading a few weeks ago," she said while sighing. Ron glanced at Harry and said, "That's light? She must be going bonkers." The frizzy haired girl glared at him. "Listen to this," she whispered. "Nicholas Flamel is the only known maker of the sorters stone!"

So. Grammar. Punctuation. Capitalization. Longer. More descriptive. Describe where they are, what they're doing, ect. A website that I use is Grammarly. Another one is noredink. These are really helpful. Grammarly checks spelling and grammar, while noredink teaches you grammar rules and things like that. I'm not saying this to be rude, but if you really want to be a writer then you will need to work on these things.

cute u should write more!
If u do my wattpad is Lusername456

awwww

ohohohoh

good start!

update

I love any zack and Bella stories and I have a feeling that this story is going to be amazing but please keep updating