Great chapter m8

You're too ambitious for your own good with trying to have so many main characters. Overall it makes the quality of your characters go down while simultaneously making your readers notice the bad dialogue and developing characters relationships.

Other than that you jump around a lot. It feels like your scenes are not coordinated at all with you jumping from character to character. This coupled with your already sparse chapter size forces it to be dramatically worse.

More of claptrap please doing stupid hilarious shit please.

Great chapter m8 and a great story so far keep up the good work

Fire Emblem Three Housee and Akame ga kill crossover
Byleth Eisner aka Ashen Demon, Tested Professor.
weapon the Sword of the Creator

I see you didnt add my main man zero

Oh this is getting good. Ruby having just killed a psycho, I can understand why she would be shaken up by the events. love including Team CVFY, Maya, Axton, Gaige and Salvador in this, but what about Zero?

Ok look. When you write anything you have to give respect to the medium. This is a written story, not a screenplay. A written story is supposed to build a world that characters live and interact with. When you start describing a scene using "cameras" you emphasize the fact that it is just a show or game that we're watching. It's wasting the potential you have with this medium and are just making everything seem flat.

We don't need a description of a game. We can get that from actually playing the game. The author's job is to bring a setting and its characters to life using descriptions. Instead of saying that "the camera pans down to the road" just describe whatever's on the road. Instead of writing "the camera cuts to the driver" just describe the driver! And don't tell us what we should imagine. You have to describe it well enough to have us imagine it.

Interrupting the story with stuff like this just breaks the flow, and is a constant reminder that we're reading a story instead of letting us get immersed fully. It's almost like breaking the fourth wall every so often, and has similar effects.

On top of that, a wordy exposition describing a character (describing Sean McAllister as a Vladof commando for example) instead of revealing it through dialogue or thoughts is another weakness that you could work on.

Just some helpful tips to help you improve your writing. I'll still leave a follow, just because I want to find out where this plot ends up.

Grimm Eclipse is next, nice. hope to see a lot of lead fly on the Grimm. maybe you could include team CFVY for it?

Its funny Oobleck calls the last car of the train a Caboose but the car doesn't even look like a Caboose. still great chapter can't wait to see what happens next and Stan Lee will be missed.

Nice chapter,just curiosity:will any character of the game appear besides claptrap?

this is really good you should continune

After rereading the story, I have some doubts about the history

1) How did the CFVY team get Claptrap to tell them that they are another dimension? Did you hit it? Did they threaten him? Claptrap thought about not telling them anything but since he can not think quietly he told them accidentally?

2) "The Lost Legion" that appears in TPS? The one commanded by Zarpedon? because if so, who is in charge now? sure someone who has a ridiculous and funny name to shout ... ZARPEDON! *chuckle*

3) What is it that Claptrap and Bruticus do when the VaultHunters are not there? Bruticus is probably still but Claptrap. Dance? Do remixes of dubsted? Planning another robolution? Thinking about the vacuum that awaits you when you die? ...

4) Taylor's death will be unrelated to do with Athena? right?

5) Does Cinder have problems dealing with "The Lost Legion"?

in the next the events of "Dance dance infiltration" will happen so ...

We're going to have a dance duel between Claptrap and Ren ... I'm saying it because one WAS a Ninja, and the other one is basically a Ninja. Ren's secret passion is to dance, and the third initiative of Claptrap is dance. i don't see why not

Also, why do I feel that when Cinder tries to put the Virus in the CCT, a Marine Random asshole from The Legion will destroy the prinpipal console while screaming "FOR THE LEGION"? I think I play a lot TPS

some questions
1) Is Cinder going to have someone from Pandora on his side?

2) Clap-Trap will only be comic relief?

3) What would be the name of the team of Vault hunters?

How relevant is Claptrap going to be in history?
style borderlands 1, 2 or the pre-sequel?