Before writing anymore look up some tutorials in written dialog and the use of pronouns. The problem I had is I never could tell who was speaking. In written dialog a new speaker responding to the previous through action or word would start a new paragraph. A character cannot respond to dialog verbally or through action of another character within the same paragraph.

Judy speaks... Paragraph

Nick responds and speaks... Paragraph.

Not Judy speaks, Nick responds (action)... Paragraph

Nick speaks.

Next... He or she can only be used 1 time in any one sentence. (That includes ... He his him. Her she )

Hey somethings a little up with the chapter. Just trying to let you know

There is a bunch of random code inbetween conversations. Makes this chapter dofficult to read

Did anyone else get a spam of letters and numbers in between conversations? Or is it just me? Anyway, from what I could read, I really loved this chapter!

"And finally it is finished!"... you almost gave me a heartattack, i thought this was the end but of the story, thank God i keep reading to find ou that therll be a 16 chap., take your time, well keep reading it. Thank you.

This is a great story! I love it! Sorry for asking, are there going to be lemons?

Love it! Just read the first chapter but if you could be more clear on who is saying what that would be great!

I feel like Clawhauser needs to be carrying a box of donuts back into the hospital room XD

AHHHHH NO I DON'T LIKE HIM! O nO -throws things at Valentin...- Bad woof! bad!

O - O I want blueberry wine! That sounds delicious!

Omg! I absolutely love this story! The imagery and characters are artfully done! I totally see this as a movie as I'm reading! Can't wait for more! :)

Oh god no! She's loose again! -flail-

I love the imagery! Like anlittle movie playing in my head... I require more... much more... WRITE MORE! Please 3

I love donuuuuuts! And now I crave them. Probably gonna go to the store for donuts now XD.

-flail- I hate cliff hangers! write mooooore! I must know mooooore!