This story is amazing. You captured the feeling of being in an awkward High School situation perfectly. Your character interactions are solid and your fight scenes are easy to follow and coherent. I hope you return to this fic some day.

...the fuck did I just read? Pyrrha/Blake scene is incredibly out of place and weird.

So its gonna be a team romance between all of them eh

I actually like the story n while i love jnpr very very much n their development feel very dynamic and fluid and complimentary and family feel...its also interesting for the current team n nora to be a leader haha...on on hand i hate the flippant and down right direspectful and numerous time of double standard put on male sexual harassment it doesnt make it a joke or any less worst when it happens to a man...its terrifying honest to god terrifying cause you cant do anything n you know the public and people wont take your side...i experience it before and its absolutely mortifying and humilating cause you will be blame instead and the time you did report it the story gets flip and it becames your fault and the lady is the victim...please any rape and sexual harrassment to men or women is not a joke...please take it more seriously even in your writings and daily life

Am just wondering just to what the point of this fic is? I might be blind or something but i don't see any type of plot whatsoever and each chapter is just going through the day to day life of beacon?

Its a well written story. But I don’t understand what direction it’s going. Seems kinda random

Hmmm... okay, let's see what we have here;

Arkos and DarKnight(?) is a no-go.

Lancaster and Dragon Knight show no signs of popping up. Maybe there's just not enough time.

On the other hand, Nora's Arc/Sloth Knight/wacky-as-heck-pairing & ReNora/Flower Power/Thunder Lotus/whatchamacallit are both giving out hints here and there.

One particularly scene comes to mind, where Jaune and Nora talk about things and stuffs, more specifically, about Leader things and stuffs. And then Ren is being jealous, I think? Or was it overprotectiveness? No one really knows with him...
Anyways, I love how Jaune's semblance is rather similar to that one fic, Jaune's Video Diary, coined Mimicry. There, Jaune can copy semblances, and he even recolors them to his own color scheme. Which is mainly white and gold, iirc.

The one shown here however, also has it's own twist.
Jaune can copy moves from seemingly infinite and inexhaustible sources, and then having the skills to execute the said moves uploaded into his brain, seemingly making it seem like it's memory, in other words, instinctive.
Which is a really great aspect to his semblance, because that means that he doesn't have to be watching people use their own semblances and then using them himself without any ideas as to their intricacies and utilization. It would be bad is Jaune used Ruby's speed and ended up as paste on a wall wouldn't it?
But I digress, I've rambled long enough now. And my brain juices are running out, I need to replenish them. How? By reading more of course.

Fare thee well
Till next time,

~Snappy~

I really enjoy your characterization in this story. Makes the interaction feel like its grounded and could exist and isnt just some cartoon-esque clash of shallow personality tropes. The cafeteria sexual assault was a bit dramatic but its easy enough to chalk that up to a sheltered jaune. His reflexive fliritng, bad as it may be, seems like an easy avenue to get himself in over his head necessitating another escape. Not a huge fan of the video-game-powerup in fics because it seems like something that is far harder to write well than people give it credit for. (in terms of enhancing the story, not just sorting the mechanical minutae).That said Im still looking forward to reading more of your writing and seeing how it plays outthrough the lens of APBL and VLWR.

I think you did a very nice job with the story and it's a very nice read. However I'm at the point where the story just doesn't work for me. To put it bluntly, it's just so dull? It's like eating plain pancakes. No flavoring, no berries or fruits, no syrup, no sides or drinks. It's still a meal, but it's just cooked batter. Here's why I find your story so uninteresting.

Dry personalities mixes. Canon pairs high energy personalities with down to earth ones. Yin and yang. This makes a interactive and colorful cast bloom. Nora is so wild because the rest of her team is very relaxed and grounded. No one wants to watch or read scenes about introverts struggling to interact for a couple weeks. Which brings me to my next point.

Slow pace. This story is like watching paint dry. There's no building tension, all the crises right now can be solved with a couple of lukewarm scenes, there's no driving force or motivation, no real tension, and the conversations are bland and only about various slice of life stuff. Basically there's nothing impactful going on. We are literally going day by day in highschool life. It's dragging out in a lull. You've taken a monster killing school and made it as vanilla as possible.

Jaune is boring. He is. He's slightly clever, but ignorant. He has no real goals and easily could be a background character. Nothing interesting in his personality, no noticeable traits that pop. He's like the blue ninja turtle without the strong personality or ego. Just a dry read. Even the conflict of cheating into beacon feels lifeless because he doesn't stand out noticeably. It makes me wonder what your goals for this story is beyond hitting certain story events and points. There's just nothing to get excited for with Jaune.

The minor plots are pretty lame. The cafeteria serving random food plot felt like you spent way more attention to it than it was worth. The Pyrrha dust drama was over blown because it's literally the second class and students are still adjusting to the new environment- probably the first time away from home for most students. Imagine how stressful freshman year at college is a year earlier. Jaunes sister, the "big" change and prompt for the story comes in with little fanfare and even with you forcing the awkwardness and make it dramatic- the whole thing feels hollow. Nora as a leader isn't as fun to read and therefore could easily read as Weiss being charge. Same issue with Jaune as a leader here, really, there's just nothing that make this team theirs. I could easily read this exact same story with Ren/Pyrrha/Blake and Weiss in charge respectively. There's nothing unique about how you write their leadership styles. Your characters don't pop. They feel emotionally muted and you don't put them in high emotional situations.

All these things add up to a flat story. I gave it seven chapters but damn, there's nothing here but technically sound writing. There's never going to be a scene where the audience pities Jaune or really cheers for him. There's never going to be any real drama that isn't done better or more interesting than cannon. So what's the point if the speed moves at a snails pace, the character interaction is colorless, the macro plot is verbatim cannon and our main character could be replaced with a stick figure?

Where's the conflict? The real stuff, like egos clashing, the competitiveness of trained athletes/killers, the teenage hormone fueled angst and drama, the eagerness to succeed, the fear of failure, the desire for more, the conflict of becoming a weapon vs staying a human, being terrified of being replaced, needing to be needed, feeling lonely, bitter about lack of talent, awe of seeing growth- your story has plenty of opportunities to be so much more and you do none of that. You just give us cooked batter in a round shape.

This is killing me lol

I’m still wondering at what point this story is going to take a turn, especially since the characters are a little more free form in some aspects than previously depicted by the show. Also y’all suck toes made me snort.

Glad you're back.

Hot

hohohohohohho yah great great

hehehehehehe yse yes great