dun Dun DUN? lol

...

#demcuts4life lol emo stage 1 XD jk nice storry

wow lol nice story

We got some emo trash up in here XD (lol im sorry)

Holy crap, this is awesome

Not gonna lie, this is pretty good for your first creepypasta fanfiction. Your grammar and spelling is extremely good and much more bearable than most fics I've come across. However, Xiamara...is kind of a bad character. She has, what is infamously known as, "Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way Syndrome". If you don't know that character, I suggest you look her up. She's basically everything you should avoid at all costs when creating a character. And I suggest studying up more on the cp characters, take note of their actual personalities and abilities, and practice writing them. Think about the most terrifying horror movies you've ever seen and imagine them in it. They're monsters. Make them more monstrous!

Keep practicing, you show lots of future writing potential!~

Ok, this is very good for your first Creepypasta Fanfiction, and that you already have it planned out.

Ok, writer to writer talk, if you make the chapters a bit longer, readers will love it even more when you update. Sure it will take a little longer, but, the amount of detail and action will increase, catching more of the readers attention and interest.

If you do not mind, I will spread the story link around where my books are published so you can have more readers.

Your story definitely sparked my interest. Looking forward to more!.b