Zero Lenny!

"But Prophet! I understood! My sun and you are the same! You are my sun"!
Heh!

i see that brutal legend nod and i ask of you

can i see your sword

Straight up referred to the GOD of broken swords. What a beautiful reference.

Seems like a pretty good transitionary chapter, setting up for things to come. Glad to see you're still here, and learning how to improve, too! We were all cringe four years ago. We were all cringe four seconds ago, it's just a different type, a more fun type. Gotta roll with it, eh? In any case, you wrote him well here, got a decent complexity of emotion through.

Dear god... the Legend...

Nice

This is the first Dark Souls story I've ever seen that uses the Gamer mechanic, though I'm a bit surprised at how very minimally it's used, since he barely ever looks at it. Regardless, though, I'm very much enjoying the story and I'm hoping that it continues for a long time, I'm very interested in seeing where all of this goes. If I get any ideas for custom spells or something, I'll be sure to let you know in a review or a PM.

Take care of yourself, and thanks for the great story!

I think a rewrite would be a wonderful idea. If you feel you know more know, and are prepared to go at it all again with more knowledge, then have at it. I believe you'll have a much better time of it going forward with your Dnd mindset. I hope however you choose to do it, you make sure to have fun, or else it's not worth doing.

Feel free to do whatever, man. The story's great, but if you feel yiu need or want to change its direction, go ahead.

Hello friend!
So! I'm going to be a bit of a critic, and at the same time, dude! I! Love! your! Shit!
Long story short, I've read this series about three times (I just picked it up for the third time today, so my timing is straight-up impeccable), and I *love* it (yes, I will be repetitive: I'll probably need to in order to keep you from dropping this story).

Anyway, back to story-shortening, I'm an extensive reader: I've read and am currently re-reading Derp Souls by Supreme Gamer, as well as Ring of Favor and Protection by Gensh, On Love's Tail by Cecero, Dying Tickles by Let's do That Again, and DARKISH SOULS by Queen Sydon (a new one to me so far), and I'm constantly looking for new things to read on my favorite video games as I'm an aspiring writer myself, and would love to make an entire story and possibly novel on The Nameless King (hence TiNK).

I would seriously hope that you keep writing this story, and whatever verbal or emotional support you need to do so, I am ready with (casts "Cheerleaders", level 9 evocation spell to show you I'm serious).

I'd *really* enjoy if you wrote me back, and I'd love to discuss your story(/ies, potentially and hopefully) over another platform, preferably Discord, which I'll leave info for below.

Anywhosit, I'd also like to collab with you in terms of editing, if you need that too, because I won't lie, as a writer, there are some flaws, and you've been seriously de-railing your plot over the last few chapters (I mean, holy shit: what's even HAPPENING right now!?), but over-all it hasn't ceased to make me smile and laugh, occasionally jumping up and saying "That's so f-ing badass!"...

Listen, I want this to keep going, I do, but I don't want to beat a dead horse that I can't resurrect... But if you don't mind, I would really enjoy having a full discussion on this elsewhere, unless impossible.

Sincerely Causing Trouble,
TempestFlame (TF, TiNK, Etc.)

Discord: TempestFlame#4459
Other communication channels available in DM

Hey love your work, especially chapter 18 and the huge more bombs Thomas dropped on both gwyndolin and basically everyone in the room as well as him roasting gwyndolin at any which way he could. Keep up the good work.

Lots of things to comment on here. Firstly, I wanna say that its great to hear that your decided to keep things going, bro. I can't wait to see what you got up your sleeve.

Secondly, I want to say that your description of thomas, the way he doubts himself, how he has now real plan, and how he's a walking contridiction, THATS PERFECT. A self defeatist attitude with a form of negative optimism is a charecter that sound interesting beyond words. I'd love to read a story about someone like that and it sound like you have a good grasp on what you want to do to make it feel alive.

Thirdly, I wanna say don't be so hard on yourself when writing your story. No one on this website is the god of writing fanfiction. Hit or miss, it all in having fun with it and taking it only thing I think you should take to heart is don't feel the need to rush to the good stuff. Let thomas and the people around him grow and express emotions. You clearly have awsome idea's and the way you described how you want thomas to be is exciting. I'd love seeing how he doubts himself on the inside and how he test himself time and time again, knowing all the while he has no plan and no idea what the future might hold. Being imperfect like that, makes him a perfect isekai protaganist in my opinion.

As I said, it clearly looks to me like you've got a preety awsome idea of how you want Thomas to be and I can't wait to read how it goes. Just keep those flaws of his charecter as well as his streghnths in mind. He doesn't need the endless power of magic or the gods wanting him dead immediatly to be interesting. I'd be just as happy to see him swooning over Anastacia and being an actual person, rather than him gaining a new, never before seen ability on whim.

Anyways, I'm babbeling. Wish you the best in your writing, bro.

Lot of stuff to cover here. To start, you’re closer to your “ideal” Thomas than you seem to realize. Sure, you doubt yourself in your head, but you wrote a story that I thoroughly enjoyed, plotholes and all (which I don’t see, but I could be missing them). I have done a hard reboot before, on a finished story no less, and I think doing that here is a mistake. You have a good thing going that should keep going, and it will be good for you to say “I finished it” in the future. Stories always seem impossible to finish halfway through, or even at the start, but an unfinished story is a damn shame, a loss. Work through writer’s block, tackle your doubt into the ground, punch that voice in the back of your head in the face for daring to say “but what if?” and keep going. Some of the best writing advice anyone can get is to word vomit first and edit later; just get it out of your head, and worry about how it sounds afterwards. With that out of the way, the story.

I like Thomas as a character, he sounds like everyone who imagines themself in this situation, which is perfect. He’s relateable in a lot of ways, and he has realistic flaws in addition to his unrealistic (and badass) power. He’s your character, but I suggest leaving him as-is. The style of this story is also great, so are the references and sass and jokes, I eat all of it up. As I said, you have a good thing going.

So, that’s my two cents on this whole deal. Take it as you will, but I believe in you, your story, and tail fondling like there’s no tomorrow. Thank you for writing, Theseus.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed every appearance of Brutal Legend in a fanfic, so it’s got my vote

Hmmm, i think that's a good idea on all accounts, but in the end its your choice