The Emperor act is really funny. Not in a silly way, but amusing since we know who it actually is. Also since this is a rewrite with changes, does that mean that there is a possibility of Sinon being with Kiriko, I recently became a Sinon fan (because of your fanfic) and was really disappointed when it was mainly an Argo x kiriko pairing last time. So I'm hoping for Sinon X Kiriko. Anyways, keep up the great work!

Quite interesting, if i a bit of a slow start. Don't think i've seen anyone do ggo death game with a female kirito before.
So this is a rewrite/expansion thing based on the 'original' version of this story?

Nice

I like the story so far

Hmm, this looks interesting. Don't think I've read any fics that had GGO as the Death Game instead of Aincrad. Should be fun.

Looking forward to more.

Just found your stories. Read chapter one of the original, and I admit to not being terribly impressed. This rewrite, however, is really doing it for me. Not many people will explore GGO, but you're off to a damn good start. I can't wait to see the next chapter, time to get this game STARTED.

Thoroughly enjoying it so far, hope to see another update some time

I'm glad you're updating again.

I want to say that the only problem with this first chapter would be the context, though I'm not sure I'm using the correct word, so I'll elaborate.

Up until near the end of the chapter I was having a very hard time keeping track of who was actually speaking, and it wasn't until the point when Kirito vocally introduced him/herself as Kaiser that I began to be able to make heads or tails of who was speaking.

It might help a bit if you go back over the chapter and try to make it more obvious who is speaking and whose perspective we are looking at the chapter from, though other then that I don't have anything bad to say about the story so far.

You're a good writer, better then quite a few people on this site, and I've read through a few of your other stories so far (burned out at about chapter 30 of the original version of this story, but it was pretty good all together, it was mostly because I had marathoned chapters as I'm prone to doing).

I've always been a fan of genderbending stories regardless of the section, and unfortunately with exceptions of what seems to be Naruto and Harry potter it is a very rare concept for writers on this site to work with.

it's nice to see someone that focuses almost entirely on the topic, and though I can't say that I have much contact with SAO other then an abridged series I watched and an attempt at watching GGO most of my context of the series is being picked up on the fly while reading through the stories.

Not the first time I've done this though, I did the same thing with other sections like Touhou Project, Hyperdimension Neptunia, and to a much lesser extent danganronpa. I'm a complete weirdo when it comes to this stuff.

You're doing good work, keep it up for sure. I'll likely keep an eye on this story for updates hopefully, and we'll see what I have to review in the future.

Bai Bai!

Nothing really stood out to me in this chapter as un-Klein-like, but that may be because of how used to your writing I am, so I probably won't be much help. :) One thing I did notice though, was that you kept mentioning Klein's emotions over and over and over again, at least in the second scene. Granted, his emotions do change a lot during said scene, but I don't feel a guy would word it quite that eloquently or bluntly. Also, I don't think he'd focus on them that much. If it had been from a third person point of view, that wouldn't have seemed out of place, but it's 1st person. Also, really? You gave Klein a mohawk? :P

No major problems, in my opinion. This definitely sounds like Klein, and I didn't see any errors in your grammar. I don't think I could have done better, at any rate.

- "Yeah, that's right. Instead of staring in awe... I noticed on the guy over everyone and everything else because, unlike the mass amounts of people spawning all around us, he quite literally hit the ground running, making a beeline for somewhere that only he knew." The 'I noticed on the guy' doesn't make much sense context wise, considering nothing was noted on Klein's part for anything visually 'on the guy'. If anything, it was an action.

Something more like, "I noticed the guy did something different than everyone else because, unlike..."

- "Of course, the beta player dealt with this problem... slamming and pivoting his feet in a way that betrayed many long hours of training and experience." (! Excellent imagery, by the way) Why would it 'betray' a noticeably enforced aptitude for skill? Why not 'portray' these attributes through action?

This is just a small note here, but I'm not too far in yet. I'd think Klein would be a bit more exasperated here in some amount of complaint or disbelief. Like, "How is he so fast?! Especially in this crowd of people!" or "Here I am, running into practically every other person in my way, and there he is perfectly slipping around everything in front of him." Which, of course, would only pique Klein's drive to chase after this guy all the faster.

! I loved the fact Klein was prepared to punch something, more specifically, an inanimate object as soon as he got up. Yeah! Screw that sign! Who put that sign there?! Why the hell would someone build a wall in my way?! Over-exaggeration there on my part, but still there nonetheless.

- Klein uses "damn it" a little too often. It's a little simplifying and repetitive, even for him.

- "What a misunderstanding!" I'll be honest here, I can't imagine Klein ever saying that.

! Klein's apprehension and excitement, combined with mild fear and anxiety, are actually perfectly placed here during Kiriko's little tutorial for the guy.

! Also, his summary of his experience so far with Kiriko and his mistakable name and their greeting was great, funny too. Summed it up perfectly and displayed some of Klein's humorous, but self-thwartingly honest side.

- "I looked over to my teacher for the day, the beta player with a girl's name... a black plastic model objectively inferior my own store-bought metal one..." Two things, actually. First is the missing 'to' needed between 'inferior' and 'my', but also the fact that follows this little excerpt.

- "...index finger still squeezing the trigger..." By now, in the time it had taken Klein to watch the creature disperse and roam his eyes to the source of the noise, it should have resulted differently. In my personal experience, it's more instinctual to release the trigger to prepare to shoot again than to blatantly keep the trigger pressed down after a shot. For Kiriko and her immense experience already built up, it seems almost... uncharacteristic of her to keep the trigger held down here. It places too many disadvantages on the one wielding the weapon that should be overturned by the instinct to prepare for another shot, even if one isn't necessary or if the shot was true in its aim. That's just from my own experience and knowledge with firearms, though.

- ""Sorry I had to step in for you... "That was the weakest and slowest moving monster in the whole zone. One hit from a the starter handgun on a part of the main..." The 'a the' there should be noticed.

Just a note here. Klein discarded his empty clip? I know this is a game, but is the ammunition system in the form of bullets or clips filled with bullets? Therefore making loading the actual gun clips a redundant task? Or, can clips be reused?

Another note here, a good piece of advice for any shooter is to aim for something small on the target of something larger. If you end up missing, you still hit the target nonetheless. If you hit it directly, then that's exactly what you wanted to do to inflict all the damage possible in a single shot. If you aim for the target as a whole and miss, well... you missed the entire target.

Which is all a really good aiming habit to get into for any situation, something Kiriko should clarify for when she/he explained the habit of 'laser focus' on non-humanoid targets.

! Believe it or not, the second scene here feels a lot more 'Klein' than the first scene. It gives him more actions while reducing his thoughts to mere moments of emotional feedback or decision. It builds him better than your attempt at his inner thoughts in the previous scene, which... didn't feel like 'Klein' for the most part, way too far off at times as well.

! Heh... if only that was actually Klein's first try. I love that little mishap of internal self-praise there.

- I'll be honest with you, though, I'm not a fan of the subtle comments you're making that allude to the fact that they'll be stuck in a death trap. I get that we know and that it's incredibly obvious, but it's messing with Klein's character a bit and the flow he has altogether of what he should be aware of and what to be ignorant about. There's an appropriate moment of complete and utter emotional destruction in the moments of their false reality becoming their true reality, which can be built up carefully... just not in the way you chose to do it in this chapter. I'd get rid of the warning he felt at the end of the first scene completely, if I were making the decisions here.

The final comment he makes, of his reality having not been shattered yet, is a good expositional narration he isn't innately aware of consciously. That's alright, which is why I made this note outside of the negative note above.

In the end, it's entirely up to you.

! Overall, it was actually a solid attempt to display Klein as a character and his thoughts that characterize him as such. My notes made above this still stand, so keep those in mind if you end up actually taking them into account at all, but he came out well.

! I'm actually really excited to see Klein's reaction to Kiriko's mirror reveal, which is something I loved seeing in the original, even if it was brief. Whether or not it's basically the same isn't much of a difference here, I still want to see it again. But, this time, cleaned up and presented even better than the last.

Right, so, that's that. Merry Christmas, if you celebrate it. It's not exactly a cheery review, but it should be a helpful one, I hope. Nonetheless, I hope you're alright in all regards and have a good day today.

- "Shaking my head to clear it of such morbid thoughts, I shifted the mouse, and both monitors lit up, showing two different screens..." I don't believe you need the second comma there, following the word 'mouse' considering the following phrase is associated with the shift. But of course, commas tend to be the more obscure pieces of our language, so it could be grammatically correct either way.

- Also, this is a bit of a stickler kind of comment here, but in the same segment above you used the word 'shaking' in relation to Kimiko's head. It's a unique word and having just been used to describe a vibration three segments up kind of creates an unnecessary connection or relation. Due to the repeat in a short amount of time, we've already just associated it with vibration. So, it'd be up to you, but you can always adjust the tense of the first sentence to the segment just to avoid this little issue that I may or may not be the only one to notice. Likely the only one, but worth pointing out.

"I shook my head to clear it of such morbid thoughts, shifting the mouse to light up both monitors and show two different screens."

Up to you.

- In the same segment, "...I clicked on it, and it popped up in a little miniature window on the side of the screen." The comma may be grammatically correct, but it insinuates an unnecessary pause when reading the words that probably shouldn't be there.

Or, on a completely unrelated note from the comment I just made...

"Clicking on it, it popped up in a little miniature window on the side of the screen."

Up to you again, it's not my job to change your writing style. I just felt the double use of the personal 'I' just before that sentence at the end was a little repetitive in sentence structure.

- "He found me through my blog, where I built and sold custom high end computers..." Minor word correction. The 'high end' just needs a hyphen, so 'high-end' would be the correct term.

- "To be perfectly honest, I was glad that he had decided... I didn't like being special in ways I could avoid it." The 'it' is unnecessary at the end here and, in my personal view at least, disrupts a bit of flow.

Heh, sheesh, I'm really nitpicky today.

XD, I kinda find it endearing how Kimiko just called her pillow extremely fluffy... I really do.

- But as a bit of a note here, I hope that laptop hasn't been sitting there too long (though, considering the time she woke up is unknown, it might not have been sitting there too long) with cooling vents anywhere across its bottom like most laptops do (most have them on the bottom and the side, just in case one exit is obstructed). Otherwise, that'd heat of real quick due to the pillow sealing those bottom exits closed, only leaving a few ways for air to circulate. It's why most laptops have those pads on the bottom when placed on flat surfaces. It just feels a little off for her to do this due to her intellect regarding technology.

Of course, Kimiko's a genius so her personal laptop probably has a UNGODLY cooling system and highly efficient fans. So, I take that comment back if she does. I envy that laptop if that's the case... I already do either way. I want one made by her.

- XD, here I am removing commas... and here I go about to say you need one in this following note. "It only had hours and minutes no seconds, and it was a twenty-four hour clock..." It'd be nice to see a comma after 'minutes' to help create that pause in both reading and grammatical flow. Also, 'twenty-four hour' needs one more hyphen, so 'twenty-four-hour' would be the term there.

Brushing aside the 11 uses of the word 'even' before Kimiko's email notification, there wasn't anything obvious at all to point out. ForteDragon did a wonderful job editing and you did a splendid job writing, so that's really it.

Lemme just use the find function real quick, though. I'm curious. Ah, 295 commas, excluding those in this review segment and the information pertaining to the story details up top. You and I like our commas... if you ever get around to reading my works.

Did you like the new system? I have a reviewer who loves using '-' and '' in order to make his comments on the chapters I release. The negative obviously means a critique or a change while the positive notes are more on the positive side or a suggestion.

Though, I focused more on the critique for this one considering not much happened in terms of story (some positives are listed below). A plentiful amount of underlying details, relations, and incorporations were revealed, though. Which is always nice.

Anyway, sorry to be a stickler with the edits there. I'm just killing time before my two quizzes today. I can't wait for Thanksgiving break to start and the family plans I happen to always enjoy.

So, yeah... surprise? But, it's not really a surprise considering you've been anticipating this review for a while. Way longer than I hand intended it to be. Sorry about that.

It seemed my professors -really- wanted to squeeze as much in as they could before break.

Beautiful use of thoughts by the way. Not many people can turn a segment that only lasts a minute to a few minutes into a 3-4k content segment that delves into so many facts and character developments in just a self-monologuing way.

Suguha was adorable, in terms of a considerate little sister, as per usual.

The reveal of Kimiko's possible financial standpoint and her business and reputation in the computer development communities was nice. It opens up not only her personality and practices but also touches on that ever-present genius within her.

Self-description of Kimiko's body wasn't forced or out of place, which I loved considering how much I hate people running through a paragraph of character description and breaking the flow.

You know, this is probably a lot longer than it has to be, and I've been incorporating unnecessary spaces between my notes. So, I'll stop here.

I look forward to seeing what Klein gets up to in his interactions with 'Kiriko' on his first day of GGO's incredibly popular official release. And, in the event that it happens, whatever comes before then as well. And after. I guess we'll see.

Plenty of information on Kiriko here, (though I agree with the other guy, was ALL the stuff about the underwear totally necessary?) and I do believe it's all more or less relevant to the story in some fashion- how she got in, how she acts and all that stuff. Good work!

Were the details of the underwear really necessary? This chapter seemed really narration-heavy, but I guess that's to be expected when there's only really one character in the chapter for very long. Are all the really fine details about everything a product of Kimiko's thought process/personality, or just there for immersion? They seemed more like fluff than anything, but I don't know... regardless, I did like the chapter, even if this scene did seem excessively long for its duration.