Review time!

I like the start of this story. With the stakes up high, lives on the line and a run against time to escape King's Landing. As far as I know, it's also the first that uses something like this in this branch of the fandom. Reminds of the beginning of Dan Brown's Novels honestly.

Margaery seems to have an epiphany on where she needs to go if she wants to save herself and her family. I really look forward to her meeting Jon and her reunion with Sansa.

Jon for now seems to be the smiling version that met Sansa at the Wall on the TV Series. I like it. It shows just how much he came to appreciante her, even if they didn't have the best of relationships in the past.

Same goes for Sansa, here she seems to be the smiling Sansa that met Jon at the Wall too. But this time she's so much more genuine and open with him. Not at all trying to undermine, go or plot against him all the time like in the TV show. I love this.

I think it's quite clear I like Jon x Sansa lol. Jon x Arya too, heck Jon with anyone that isn't slash is fine for me. Moving on.

Grammar and ortography could use some work, or a beta reader. You seem to misuse, switch and mistake words a few times, no more than a dozen in total in the whole story.

Paragraphs are well crafted. You definitely got down the GRRM's writing style here, bigger paragraphs with descriptions intermingled with short ones when there's dialogue ocurring.

Structure of paragraph and story is spot on, full marks here.

Depth and characterization still need more time to be properly ascertained. But I'm definitely liking what I've seen until now. I really want you to delve into the interactions with this Jon and this Sansa of yours, then later how they act with Margaery.

Also, the reaction of the North should be fun to read, when they discover the remaining Starks went the way of the Dragon.

Descriptions are an artist's work here. Honestly, anyone who tries to write a GOT/ASOIAF story should have a good grasp of descriptions. Be them of places, locations, archictecture, events, circumstances, mysteries, culture, clothing, appearance, costumes, battles and more; the author must have some experience writing in each of these to be successful in this fandom.

Dialogue and interactions are pretty good, you manage to pass to us readers how the characters feel in the story through your words. The fact you're also using facets less used of amazing characters also are incredible to draw the eye of us readers.

Overall as an story this is 9 out of 10.

I hope I helped. Over and out.

PS: Post your GOT/ASOIAF stories on AO3, you'll see a huge boom on them. The feedback there, especially on this fandom, is immense and with greater quality than this site.

hope to read more.

update!

great story

Awesome a Jonsa fic.

So whens the next chapter?

Okay it's a promising story but there are some grammer mistakes and well i can't help but change Sansa for Arya, is she going to be in the fic?

I will never forgive the show for giving people the idea of Jon/Sansa over Arya/Jon which is an actual thing in the books with every single book foreshadowing it. Sansa and Jon do not get along nor does Jon carry unconditional love for her.

Jon died with Arya's name on his lips in the books. Good grief the show has just destroyed any possible respect for Sansa.

THE KING IN THE NORTH IS LIFE!

Great chapter

you should really make your chapters longer

Looks interesting, it was time to do a fic Harem, question; you're going to include some sand snake, or you'll kill for treason?

I still couldn't believe that Cersei was stupid enough to do that. She NEEDED the Tyrells; they were the only great house that the Lannisters were allied with after what happened with Dorne.
Please keep up the good work.

Interesting.

Ok my interest is piqued. Margaery survived (and Loras too) yay! Then throw in a wild premise...a harem?! And you hAve the makings for a pretty cool fic. can't wait to see where this goes.