omg, this story is AMAZING! i love your creativity and honestly i cannot edit for the next chapters and the adventure beth has to go on to save her brother. PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

Hmm, this could be interesting. It sounds like Archenland might get a little involved in the Narnian Revolution, and I'm always on the hunt for Edmund/OC stories.

I do want to point out a few things though. I noticed at the top of this chapter you stated that you recently edited it. Well, I am still seeing a few mistakes. Most of them are simple but they can be bothersome. For example, on the last part of this chapter you used both the name "Thorin" and "Torin." I'm not sure if these are supposed to be the same person and you simply left the "h" off (or accidentally put it in) or if they are two different people (in which case I would suggest changing the name of one to eliminate the confusion). In another instance you left the "T" off of "but". Like I said, simple errors that I make all the time too. I would suggest you read the chapter out loud to yourself a couple of times before posting. I also wait several days after typing it then go back and read it. As the author we know what we meant to say and so our brains naturally fill it in, by waiting a few days it allows for a sort of "reset" on our brains and we find those irksome typos.

I also noticed, once or twice, a POV change that was out of place. While the Pevensies are sitting in the train station, after Peter returns to sitting on the bench you suddenly jumped to first person and said "she took my hand too" or something to that affect. I'm guessing (maybe) this was once in first person and that you simply missed that pronoun when editing.

This last thing is more of a personal view, but I'll share it anyway. I know the siblings probably call Susan Su or Lucy Lu, and that's perfectly fine. However, I see that as more of a familial nickname and it reads weird to me to use that nickname as a dialogue tag in a third person POV since we (the reader) do not share familial ties with the speaker. Now to say "Lu, where's your cordial?" is fine. But "Aslan will come, Peter," Lu said, ... just seems weird to me. I would use "Lucy said" in this instance. Like I said, this is a personal thing and others may completely disagree with me.

Wow, I didn't mean for this to be so long and I do hope it doesn't come off as harsh in any way. I am simply trying to offer a few tips that might make reading your story a little easier for those who find it difficult to look beyond bothersome typos. I do see a bit of potential with this story so far and I'm looking forward to finding out more about Beth where she fits in/how she changes things. It takes a lot of courage to put a piece of yourself out there for strangers to see and judge and every author does just that when they post a story, so kudos to you for that.

I’m finding myself quite enjoying this. I can’t wait for the next chapter to come out. I’m ready to know the rest of the story. (I’m also a bit impatient haha).

Oh, hey! I just found your story, and I read it pretty quickly cause I'm loving it. Please update when you can, I'm looking forward!

Your grammar and typos are almost painful to read. The story itself might be good but I'll never find out. Please learn some English before you start writing.

This is really good! Do you update via watt pad first and then upload here?

reallly excited for the next chapter!
an excellent start