Interesente. Muy interesante. Espero ver cómo se desarrolla la historia.

Neat starts I’m curious to see How the story progresses

The greatest come back in 4 years

awsome wonder what the hat is

I love the story idea and I have to say that the guy with the loooooonnnnnggg review gave you excellent advice. I rate him 10 out of 10. I love the story idea and please don't let your mistakes discourage you. I know it's cliché but you have to learn from your mistakes. Keep that chin up. I can't wait for the next update Great job! Have a good day

a bit more spaceing in the paragraph and your good and make it longer

Written as I read, so that I don't forget anything. This also means I'll be extra critical, but you did ask for it and I'll be as constructive as I can. I'm basically reviewing as an unsolicited Beta. Also, I don't know the character limit, so sorry if I wrote too much.

First impression is a wall of text. Breaking it into paragraphs with some extra room between them (either an extra enter button or something else) would make this easier on my eyes. I didn't even notice most of the paragraph breaks until I changed the width of my display.

The description for Dunren is separated by a period into a second sentence. While this prevents a huge opening line, the description by itself feels like a fragment to me for some reason; it has an object (This town) and a description (the rest of the sentence) but nothing else despite being set up for an action of some sort. Try changing the "The" into "This" and "which could be best" into "is often" to give it a more active tone (generally a more exciting writing style).

"the final year" might be a typo, but if not it implies the final year, ever. Their would be better.

"The child was born... follow her." sentence has some repeating words. Hard to prevent typos, but having a second or Beta to read before publishing would probably help.

Last sentence of second paragraph feels a little run-on. There's two concepts I get from this: They loved their kids and wanted to move. You can split those into two shorter sentences. You can also use a couple more commas to split it up a little more.

Third paragraph could use some commas, I think. Use them to break up the clauses of the main sentence to help reader flow and to separate "Arc" and "Jaune" to emphasize the name isn't just "Arc Jaune" but an Arc named Jaune.

Fifth paragraph has a few short dialogue lines from different characters; convention states that each character should get their own paragraph, even if it is a single line. Different writing styles don't require this, but it aids in clarity about who is talking. If you want to keep different perspectives in the same paragraph, consider saying who is talking before their lines; re-ordering it something like "Jaune, from his vantage point in the treehouse, was chuckling as he exclaimed "Oh my gosh that was hilarious!"" This prevents me from assuming it was the twins or Beige saying it when I first reach the line.

Nice use of Rouge as the name of a color; too often I see it as a misspelling of rogue on this site.

Conversation between Ace and Jaune seems pretty solid to me, but I'm not a dialogue writer myself. Grammatically, you could use more commas to separate insubordinate clauses or to insert the natural pauses of conversation. I only have my high school grammar lessons to fall back on so I don't know all the terms and the full list of rules, so I can't tell you everything beyond what feels right to me. However, if given a sentence I can usually point to a spot and say "comma goes here" fairly accurately.

Last two paragraphs feel a little rushed; fresh off of a line by line conversation we get just a summary of the rest of the evening. Some more detail to the summary, such as reactions to finding the birthday boy passed out by the guests (even if still in summary) would make the cliffhanger less abrupt. More description on the hat (direction of the stripes, size of the hat in comparison to a 7 year old's head, texture of the material) and the beowolf (where he grabs it as he pulls it out, describing it before naming it as a beowolf) would lead us up to the cliff before pushing us to hanging instead of just opening a trap door on us (if you'll indulge my metaphor here). Writing style can be used as an argument here, but as a reader I'm free to make suggestions that I like regardless of your style.

Overall, a decent first effort. Backstory details are included without drowning the readers in it, spelling isn't a problem, OCs are introduced and characterized fairly quickly and thus not focused on, and we have a story concept that has potential to go somewhere. I'm no pro, just a reader with some weird level of perfectionism, but send me a PM if you have questions on what I've said here.

Wall of text. Use line spaces.

that is a cool hat

Okay, this looks like an interesting start. Though I suggest that you space it out a bit more.