it was really good

You did it again! A great job writing this story!

Holy hell, you treat your characters so goddamn badly.
I like you.
I like you a lot.

Nice story!

Asriel is a reference to Undertale right?

do a chapter on the love story of Lyndi & Aeron

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ASRIEL

MY PRECIOUS BABY

WHY MUST YOU KILL HIM?

I litteraly screamed when I read the word sequel! Plz publish it soon! :D

Hey there, me again! Sorry about sending essentially 2 identical reviews. FF mobile never told me if it was sent in or not so I had to redo it by memory thinking I needed to redo it ):

While I could have not read this whole thing, I kept reading to see if it would get better as a story, so unfortunately, I can't unread the 7 chapters that I read in one sitting. Though I will say this, I was much more entertained when I stopped trying to take this seriously. Mainly because it is so out of touch of reality that it merely impossible to criticized it thoroughly without laughing like a maniac because of how whacky/edgy/hilarious things could get. Chapter 8 was kinda boring, but I expected it. Chapter 9 had more substance to it, though I would like a filler segment of their mum and Aeron. Since I'd like context about her having an equally sinister name. (maybe they're both crazies? lol) I can't wait to finish this series, having a great time tbh

The scene where Yami was dragged off was great too. This gave me a chuckle because I imagine Aeron being all "It's time for me to get the booty, Tom." (have a cookie if you watch the Boondocks; 10/10 great show)
Loved the last line too. I felt the edge germinate within Atem- 10/10. I recommend you write the confrontation between Atem and Aeron while listening to Linkin Park. It made reading this chapter all the more immersive. Though, are there absolutely no police involved? Or is that behind the scenes? Either way, I guess it wouldn't matter since Kaiba is practically God.
Kaiba Bless.

My main grievance is missing words/funky sentence structure though. Really gets me out of my lol mode when I have to rearrange things in my head so I can keep reading. This fanfic is one of the most interesting I've read so far. MOAR. Kaiba/10 for chapter 9.

Yay! A rescue mission! Awesome. Thank goodness they're out, but not completely.

Can't wait to see your fight scene! Surely Atem will carry through with destroying Aeron with his own hands.

:)

Sorry for being so late! Honestly, the time has certainly gone by faster than expected. Anyways, great chapter! Atem got stabbed, which was horrible! And Aeron... He's such a jerk. Using Atem and hurting Yami that way just because the boy reminds him of his deceased wife. It's cruel, and unfair.

As for a chapter of a love story between Aeron and Lyndi, my personal opinion is that the story remains focused on Yami and Atem. What I suggest though, if you really want to include more backstory on the two, is to have it come up with either Aeron (which is infact unlikely) or between Atem and Yami (probably them remembering how much their parents loved eachother).

Overall, awesome! I shall read the next chapter soon.

Anon so I don't get my inbox full of flames

Hoo boy, lots to critique here. May I say the plot twist wasn't much of a twist and was a real letdown for me. "I raped you twice and want to kill u because u have ur mum's eyes"? I was looking for a less contrived and moresensible reason. Though you can hardly call it abuse in the first place with all these crazy extremes done to tarnish Atem's love for Yugi. The abuse (which doesn't seem like abuse a few chapters in. Just makes the dad look like a serial killer to me and it just doesn't seem realistic to me) just seems to be a half-baked narrative to supplement the Pharaohcest.

Lots of contrivancies and conveniences. Every character shown to be helping Yami has been some kind of incompetent. Even Kaiba. And that's severely out of character. Of course it's all so Atem can save the day or to advance the plot.

The few things I did like was the one anxiety episode Yami had after 3 scenes that would normally trigger a victim. At least shows you're trying. Though it seems pointless when in chapter 7 Yami seems to be rather cheeky when he should be panicking and disassociating. Dunno how I feel about that.

Either way I'll keep reading. Be it for the hoots I get out of it or if it'll be a good ending.

Chapter 7's plot twist isn't really a plot twist. More like a 2edyforme kind of thing that made me roll my eyes.

If that was the case, the father would have no reason to manipulate Atem by torturing Yugi. And all the extreme things he did in his hatred of Yugi's eyes would seem rather silly don't you think? I was hoping for a less contrived reason than "I raped you twice because I hate how you have your dead mum's eyes."

If all it does in the end is make YamiAtem happen, I wish the abuse portion was handled with some tact. Lots of plot conveniences too to make this edgy abuse happen. Kaiba owns a mansion with video surveillance and his guards conveniently aren't monitoring it for the night? Why is every character so incompetent? It's all so contrived. Try not to do that next time.

Perhaps the only things I have liked so far is the fluff and the bit where Yami was sent into an episode whilst with Atem during a cuddle session. Although it took him about 3 scenes of a similar way, it happened, and it at least showed me you tried to go for some realism.

Anyway, I'll keep reading in the hopes of a good ending. Posting as anon so the flame brigade doesn't come for me. Kek

First off, I'm very sorry for taking such a long time to read this! I've been writing up for me own fics. Needed to do some catching up!

As for the chapter, lovely! I really liked it.

Aeron kidnapping Yami... that devil works quickly. I wonder what he meant about "leading" Atem. Doea he actually hope that Atem would find them? Hmmm. Very interesting. I worry for Yami.

Update again soon!

Plz keep updating everyday! This is #1 on my top fanfics now.