please continue

Please update soon
It is good story

Calista from G here! Alright, before I start, I have to admit that I only skimmed over the second half of the duel. I will explain why, I promise. And I thoroughly read everything else.

You are a very good storyteller. You have an engaging idea, there's plot, I am interested in what's going on with these characters. You have the basics of good writing down; you have good spelling and grammar, strong description, you can come up with and tell the story. Now it's time to refine your writing ability, which means getting down into details and specific tips, tricks, and rules.

Unfortunately, your writing doesn't flow well. The first thing I noticed when I started reading was long sentences, to the point that I will call them run-ons. I used to do those ALL the time, so I understand how easy it is to write one.. I would suggest dividing them up wherever possible.

You are pretty descriptive. I could always visualize what the characters were doing. I noticed that you tend to refer to characters by their characteristics rather than their names. I would strongly warn against that. Another experienced writer told me that one, and it certainly feels awkward at first, but breaking that habit will eventually result in less amateur sounding work. One, it interrupts the flow. Two, it can be confusing. Another experienced writer told me that one, and it certainly feels awkward at first, but breaking that habit will eventually result in less amateur sounding work. This relates to diction and word choice. I used to not use a character's name or pronoun because all my sentences were starting with ' Calista' and 'she'. As you practice and read good writing, you will learn to vary your sentence structure and avoid that. For now, I would suggest just trying to actually use their names.

There are a couple things that I see that probably stem from how you refer to a character. First, I noticed in several instances of dialogue that you used ‘he’ rather than a characteristic to specify who was talking, but you ONLY used 'he'. For example, I'd see something like this:
' "E-eh...” he uttered.
"He's completely disoriented," he inquired mentally. ''Judai..?"
"What?”
"What happened?" he asked.'
Do you see the problem? This is supposed to be a conversation between Yusei and Judai. The reader only knows who’s talking because the other’s name was mentioned in dialogue, and they managed to keep track of the order of who spoke when. My basic rule of thumb is mention the character’s name again in every new paragraph. There are times when it seems excessive, but it's better to do it first, then go back and change as necessary when you read over the section.

Someone who isn't familiar with the show would generally not know who's talking. Because you prefer to people by characteristics, and you haven't really described most of the characters. I understand that it's fanfiction, but writing it as you would a completely original story will produce a story more enjoyable even for the audience in the fandom. Also, not everyone sees Yusei's hair as crab-shaped, and troll hair is a matter of opinion. Unless, of course, you had previously established such descriptions for those characters in the story. Being varied and descriptive is good, but it all has to read alright, and be understood by the average reader.

So, the final thing immediately on my mind. The duel. I honestly enjoyed the rest of the chapter, but unfortunately, I had to walk away before reading all the way through the duel, and even after I came back I could only bring myself to skim over it. It's not technical problems with the writing (spelling, grammar) as it usually is when I have to stop reading something, but unfortunately, it was boring. You pretty much dropped all description and relied mostly on dialogue. Now, kudos for it all being in the style of the show, but there are changes that have to be made when going from screen to page.
Consider this. Would so many people enjoy Yu-Gi-Oh! if it were just people sitting down and putting cards on a table, rather than the great visuals? Same basic idea when in writing. Reading all the cards' effects is boring, but the visual of the projections is far more interesting. Also, thank you THANK YOU for not writing out the entire duel, but if you can figure out how to only tell the important, story progressing aspects, it would be even better.

You are a better writer than many in the fanfic community. You know and use the basics, and that makes me certain that you can, and with time and practice will, become a great writer. I'll go read chapter 2 now?

Dude girl wo man, have some confidence, you did great with this chapter! "the nice sea breeze wafting off the ocean at the shoreline" gosh darn, I love it, and I can't wait to see how the plot plays out with Judai remembering maybe or a paradox #2 twin brother lol just kidding, anyways, keep on writin! :)

POOR JUDAI! WILL HE EVER REMEMBER HIS PAST?! Who knows :P

I would like you to continue soon see that has much potential fanfic .

So when is the next chapter going to be up?

Yee, I really liked it! The beginning is now a lot smoother it just passed by me as I read then realized you made revisions. 'm gonna bug you to update xD