wow! what an amazing job on this story! absolute creativity to take such an unnoticed background character and build a story that is such a seemless fit into the Canon story. a wonderful idea to enlarge upon some of the horror that Tom Riddle perpetrated when he was younger and how the limits of his cruelty were expanding while he was growing into Lord Voldemort. amazing and very original ! excellent!

This is a whole new level of cruelty

Aww Sophie, this was such a heartbreaking story. You used such beautiful and well crafted imagery to bring each and every scene come to life.
I liked your take on Mirabelle and how she came to be in the painting.
You managed to develop her character and made me feel so sorry for her. I empathised so much with her situation of being a creature of two worlds and never fitting into either. And then for her to be taken advantage of by Tom and abused by him... she sure didn’t have an easy life.
I could see no SPaG errors and your story flowed very well.

Wow...
This has got to be one of my favorite stories by you.
The whole tone of the story was sad, even the very beginning, and it kind of reminded me a bit of the Disney version of The Little Mermaid—Mirabelle wanting to be the opposite of what she was. The idea of her not fitting in because of her human origins made a lot of sense, and it made me feel bad for her.
You really brought emotion to the forefront with the way you wrote how Mirabelle was feeling. And the fact that Tom tortured her to find out more about magic was very realistic, considering what we know about Tom.
I liked (is liked the right word considering what the story is about?) how he used his charm to deceive Mirabelle, as he was known for his charm and charisma.
And Dumbledore finding her and turning her into the merperson portrait? Brilliant. Although, I doubt Tom felt any kind of guilt.
Brilliant story.

QAQ Oh my god, Sophie, how you paint such a tragic story?

Your imagery was phenomenal. The whole entire time I was on the edge of my seat, dreadfully eager to find out what would happen next. When the Chieftainess died, I felt like my heart died with her. Seriously, this story was so good! I didn't find any SPaG errors, and I have tears leaking down my face. The way Mirabelle died was just so heartwrenching. At first, I had been under the impression that this was a Tom/Mirabelle story, but when you had him betray her...! Oh my gosh, how could you?! I had such high hopes for this! This was just so beautiful and I loved it to pieces. Your characterization was definitely on point for Tom and your OC's were believable. Have I even mentioned that I LOVE the song you used as the Siren's song? It was so beautiful!

Now, I'm off to go sob my heart out in the corner,
~Fire

Oh. My. God. You've totally done it.
I just couldn't stop myself bawling my eyes out at the last part. The way you took something insignificant from the books, twisted it and gave it a story, it's really fantastic.
It really was a good theory about how mermaids and sirens live. Not only that, but how they make a part siren in a complete siren. I really applaud your imagination.
Mirabelle is an interesting character. An interesting and naïve, though I can't hate her, Tom Riddle is just to charming!
You've really left me to wonder the backstory.
Tom Riddle. The perfect boy. Perfect grades, head boy, prefect, charming, sweet, handsome and the list goes on and on. The character portrayal was beautiful, the perfect was Tom is. It takes less for a person to hate someone else, but it takes a lot for a feeling of complete loathing for someone else. You managed to wake that feeling for Tom inside me.
Again, well done!
One thing at last, it's really intriguing about the lives of mermaids and sirens. You added a bit more perspective to it. Almost a century later settling down... hmm... I wonder how long do they live?
All in all, this was amazing. Your characters had my full attention and I couldn't get any mistakes.
This is definitely one of my all tine favorites!
Alice

This was beautifully heartbreaking. I loved the atmosphere and the beautiful words you used. Mirabelle was a perfect character and I just knew how it would end. I loved how Dumbledore found her and granted her last wish. The interaction between Tom and Mirabelle was perfect as was Tom when she finally accepted his offer. The whole piece was beautiful and wonderful. I truly loved it, well done.

I absolutely loved this. I thought it was such a creative idea. I really loved that Mirabelle was convinced that she belonged with the Mer, but later realised that she didn’t quite fit in there either. I think it kind of mirrors Hagrid, in a sense, where he had too much Giant in him to fit with the humans, and too much human to fit with the Giants. I really liked that you chose to write about a character stuck between two worlds like this.

I did spot a few spelling and grammar mistakes, though these were just a few mistakes with commas, with the line [was she this all] I think the [she] was an accident, and [and while the offer did sound appealing, but she was apprehensive] the [but] isn’t needed. Overall, this was really well written, and I loved your characterisations. Particularly of Tom, and how his personality seemed to change so quickly as soon as he had what he needed from her.

Albus, why do I have a feeling that you do know who did this to Mirabelle?

Hi, Sophie!
This was surely a sad tale which drove me to the verge of tears, and I must say I loved this fic.
The knowledge of merpeople - both siren and selkie, has been brilliantly used. The human nature of liking what they don't have more is also commendably shown through Mirabelle. 'I belong to the waters,' at first, and 'she was more human than fish,' later.
Though I would say the merpeople are a proud bunch, and won't call themselves ordinary fishes, the same way as they do not like to be categorised as humans.
I really loved the characterisation of Tom Riddle; there are very few fics which show him the exact way he was: sweet on surface and evil inside.
To be honest, I was too engrossed in the fic to look out for any typo or SPaG issues, though I'm sure there won't be many of those.
On the whole, I really think this fic deserves to be favourited!
-Ari

This was a neat story. The mermaids are rarely explored in HP fanfiction and I like how you've fleshed them out here.

Mirabelle is quite the sad figure in this. It really is too bad she never found a place that made her truly feel belonged. I wonder if she would have done better back in Greece with her mother's people. The way she has to kill herself at the end to end her torture is truly unfortunate, especially since Dumbledore found her just as she was dying. I feel like if she had held out just a couple more hours she could have been rescued by Dumbledore. What that would have meant for her would have been quite interesting to see, I think.

She wouldn't have a place in the lake anymore, so what would be done with her?

As for Tom, I'm truly not surprised that Mirabelle was drawn to him at the start. I think you did really well at characterizing him in this fic. He seems to have always had a magnetism you to him and you showed it this fic very well with him promising Mirabelle a few moments in a room of Hogwarts she never saw with the first boy she's seen in years who doesn't scorn her. That just had to be too tempting an offer for her to ever turn down and Tom taking advantage of that was very in-character of him.

Dark and very disturbing. A very good piece. Keep writing and good luck.

Wow. This was amazing

To start, you used the prompts really well. I really enjoy the dichotomy that is within the overarching story - everyone wants to belong and keep our heads above water. As for characterization, the merpeople were well done; very true to canon. It presents a very nice picture of what Mirabelle becomes; a reflection of her heritage, still beautiful etc. As for Tom, I really think you hit the nail on the head. He plays her, like he does everyone else; making her believe she matters - that she is needed. It is very much something Tom would do in the early days.
I also like that you made this a story from within Hogwarts, and have given us something that is certainly never explained in the books/movies or other literature. It fits the tragic nature of much that went on.
I am not sure if it was intended, but I think her wish to haunt Tom - having her presence as a reminder - was more to showcase Mirabelle's own humanity rather than Tom's. She must have known, somewhere, that he didn't care - but as weak as she was, she was still predestined to believe that her existence had meaning. I might be over thinking it however.
As for SPaG, it was great. I found no errors, and it flowed very well. Good work!

Poor Mirabelle! As soon as I realised Tom Riddle was the boy she was attracted to I was willing her to change her mind and stay where she was. Damn Tom and his good looks. I like the way you portrayed him as obsessed with finding out the secrets of all creatures, and of course willing to kill to get what he wants. The torture he inflicted on Mirabelle made me wince while reading it, especially the part about him removing her golden scales. I wondered if she was going to be the mermaid above the bath, so I loved the ending with her wanting him to remember what he did to her. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if Tom will care too much. He's more likely to be annoyed by the fact that she died on her own terms when she pulled herself out of the bath.

A very enjoyable yet tragic story. Great job.

The ending had me close to tears. Poor Mirabelle who just wanted to live in water. Mirabelle had escaped being human for about hundred years. I was practically like 'No Mirabelle! stay away from Tom! He's bad bad man.' But it always the looks that get them. Oh, why couldn't Tom be ugly it could have saved a lot of girls. This was a nice background for the mermaid in painting, though I feel like her wish was kind of pointless. I mean she did see how he cruel he could be, surely she must have known that he wouldn't care about what he did to her. But I guess with all the torture that she been through, she wouldn't have thought about it. It's kind of sad that nobody will know her story, or why she's there in the first place.