I gotta be honest u had no right to make me laugh and cry as hard as I did through this story. ive become so emotionally attached to this story and it’s progression. I wish u originally wrote twilight with these characters because it is incredible. I also love how u put Amber and Jasper on equal footing no matter what unlike Bella and Edwards relationship which reminds me of my old abusive relationship so it was great for someone to acknowledge that and say no that’s not how it’s meant to be. Overall this story is amazing and I’m so glad u wrote it and I could read it. I hope it carries on.

I love your story so far, it’s moving well to keep someone interested hut not too bast to be just jumping in and repeating things. I am really enjoying this story!

If amber can’t speak why doesn’t she know sign language?

Hope to read more soon.

D

just wanted to say how upset I am that you killed off Amber and Jasper's baby they have been waiting so long and all because there wasn't enough conflict for you, I'm sorry for being harsh but there was no reason you couldn't of figured another way and this ruins the entire story and plot for me especially when you said "oh dont worry they will be having a baby eventually" you lead us on and cruelly crushed all of us rooting for them to finally have a baby I hope your satisfied knowing you heartlessly destroyed your fans hopes all for some plot

I love this story. Please update soon.

I’m sorry, I’m about 20 chapters in but I just can’t read on. I don’t mean to sound too harsh but the frustrating thing about your story is that it could do so much better if it were a tad better written.

The plot is good, the whole ‘witch’ idea is solid and interesting, although it was a bit slow since you introduced it about 15 chapters in. But the execution of the story; the writing, isn’t convincing. You tend to skip over writing about the characters, the setting, the emotions, and instead you rely on blunt actions and dialogue. For example, in Ch 16, you had “Bella climbed out of her truck, putting her book bag over her shoulder” to set the scene; but you can’t just assume people know that she’s at school. Describe the place; describe the atmosphere; what’s she feeling? Is she thinking about Amber or is she more embarrassed about her birthday? You don’t want it to turn out like a movie script. To give your writing some life, you should focus more on what a character is thinking and feeling and how their surroundings are influencing them.

About the witch coven plot, you’re basically introducing a whole new supernatural world to the reader, so you really need to nail down what exactly a witch is; set the rules and limits to what they can do (very important to actually have limits otherwise they’ll be too annoyingly powerful), how do they live, what does it feel like to do magic (does the magic glow like Marvel’s Scarlet Witch, does it require peace of mind and inner strength like the Force in Star Wars, or is it more like Harry Potter magic?). You mentioned she undergoes training but you hardly go into it; is it physically or mentally demanding; how long does she train for? (Amber comes back for the events of New Moon so her ‘training’ seems unrealistically short).

Lastly, whilst the plot is good, I just have one complaint; Amber returns home to Bella and Charlie, but doesn’t seem the slightest bit concerned about her memory when everyone remembers her and Jasper being together? Instead she chooses to remain ignorant of the Cullens, which seems unrealistically cold for her (and, I’ll be blunt, the foul language you’ve added to her dialogue just makes her sound like a bitch). Any sane person in Amber’s position would at least question the Cullens given that those around her have been saying how good the Cullens have been to her.

Sorry if this review is too negative. I tried to add as much constructive feedback as I could. The beginning was great; it started off as a good Jasper/OC fanfic. I am disappointed not to be able to read till the end, which is a shame because I skim read your latest few chapters and your writing is much better, although I’m not sure about going through 40 chapters to get there. Perhaps when you finish the story you can come back and edit/rewrite.

Love this story and cant wait to read more, please update

Okay I was pissed when it happened in the movie and I'm pissed now
THAT VISION COULDN'T HAPPEN
Alice can't see the wolves so she couldn't have had a vision including them

That seemed more like vampire diaries vamp.

It has been a pleasure reading this story! The sad moments and the absolue fluff were really well written so thanks for the story and good luck writing! Can't wait to read what happens next.

I’m so excited to see were all of this goes. I know her helping others will definitely help with her heart ache. I cried so hard to court the last two chapters with her baby, but you wrote it beautifully. Anyways please keep updating.

yeah new chapter (yes I'm late)
I'm so curious to know what's the problem with Dumas and Bridgette power

Loved it please update soon

Hehehe. This is good!