this is great! please update soon!

pleeeeeeease update! need moreee

Any updates coming? It is a good story I really hope you haven’t abandoned it.

What a tremendously terrific chapter this was! I am so sooo sorry for not reading it sooner! I could have sworn that I had but after I checked to see if I reviewed and saw nothing I thought I’d reread the chapter but it turns out it was the first time I had read it and I LLOOVVVEDD IT! You do such an amazing job at capturing Hyde’s character, his thoughts especially but also the interaction with him and his friends. I’ve said this before but I gotta say it again, this story really feels like it could have been an episode or season story of the show.

The way the chapter picked up right from the last one with Hyde being pulled over was so great, I really liked how hiss first thoughts are not about how this would affect him but those around him, Kitty’s concern, Red’s anger, the thought of them having to pay his ticket on top of all the other stuff, it’s a lot to think about and I love how he soon recollected himself into full Zen mode.

Oh my gosh! Having Kelso be the cop who pulled Hyde over was GENIUS! Totally did not see that coming! Could just imagine the look on Hyde’s face when he saw his old friend approaching lol. And Kelso in full officer mode was hilarious, I love how we can tell he was really enjoying having pulled Hyde over like this. The whole ‘Officer Man to you’ and checking the license before calling Hyde ‘Mr. Hyde’ lol And his mention of Motorcycle Town and Car Town, oh gosh, Kelso is just too much lol But it was really nice that he let him off with a warning and not just because they were friends but because he knew it had been a while since Hyde had driven. You did a nice job at writing Hyde’s relief and wanting to at least keep his driving record clean. Sweet little exchange where Kelso tells Hyde to drive carefully after the accident I can see that being something they all sort of said to each other.

It was very interesting to read that Hyde hadn’t even noticed that he had been going over the speed limit…maybe he was too distracted by the view and the memories…maybe he felt like he was driving the motorcycle and not the car and that made him go faster than he realized?

Great stuff with Hyde at the convenience store and running into some familiar faces. Really enjoyed reading all his thoughts on the former cheerleader he saw working at the store, “smirking about how far the mighty hath fallen” could totally see Hyde thinking that, especially if it had been one of his exes who only would have denied ever being with him. Very nice add in about him planning on telling Jackie because she would have found some humor in the whole thing too. When Hyde spots the motorcycle, it’s kinda of sad because we see him wondering if he’ll ever stop noticing them…whether h notices them because he’s thinking about the bike he lost or remember what riding that kind of bike did to him, I feel for the guy. However reading about how the bike was orange I right away thought of the motorcycle that belonged to a certain doctor lol And then Hugh Laurie…I mean David James appeared again! That was such a awesome surprise! It was so good to see him again and I like how he was even kin of excited to see Hyde too, and Hyde was pleased too just in his own way lol his small world comment was so in character lol

Oh and it turns out the orange bike was his! That made me SO happy lol Oh and his comment about the bike being orange so that cars could see him, never thought of that! That is so clever, I’m glad Hyde is planning to keep that in mind if he ever decides to get another motorcycle. I just loveloveloveloveloved Hyde’s whole conversation with David it felt and sounded so real, I could easily imagine the whole back and forth between them as they talked about their bikes. This part was one of my favorite bits between the two: “"How long had you had yours?" "About thirty seconds." David laughed again, until he saw the younger man's expression. "Oh, you're serious?" "It was my first ride." "Ever?" "Yep. Happened so fast, almost feels like I never got the chance to ride it." "You know, there are classes." "Yeah, skipping classes was always one of my things. Next time I'll do it right."—Incredibly written stuff! And I’m glad Hyde plans on taking classes before getting on another time. Thought it was really nice of David to let Hyde sit on the bike, even if he wasn’t passing out any keys and letting him drive it, it was a nice gesture. The way Hyde feels that rush sitting on the bike only to have it turn to a sudden fear when gripped the handles as if he were really riding it—poor guy!

Fabulous job on the next scene down in the basement. LOVE how you include other characters too and write them so well! It’s like the show only better! And Hyde arriving with all that alcohol…he says it’s to make up for not drinking these last few weeks and while I’m sure some of it is because of that very reason, I also wonder if maybe another part might be because of what happened when he was sitting on David’s bike. He seemed to be eager to start drinking, I like how Eric and Donna are sort of concerned an wary while Fez is just well being Fez lol The entire exchange about what to watch was another fantastic bit that really did feel straight from the show. I loved that you reminded us of the detail of Hyde watching Little House on the Prairie while he covers turning it on by saying he did it just to get Eric upset lol

And then that last scene of the chapter! Jackie walking in and finding Hyde trying to see if magnets would stick to his leg because of the screws in there, I couldn’t help but laugh at that imagine and the fact that Fez and Kelso had a bet going on about it lol Funny stuff! Oh no, there’s a surprise dinner for Hyde and he’s had a little too much to drink, this should be an interesting night lol I can’t wait to see what happens and maybe also find out who the stupid helmet was brought out for! Lol

Brilliantly awesome job once more! I so enjoyed reading it and now that I’m all caught up I’m really looking forward to reading more whenever you get to post it, I’ll be here! Till then keep up the marvelous work!

Ooh... Kitty and Red are not going to like WB stealing Hyde away from them. I see some tears from Kitty coming up!

I love the mix of comedy and drama, it's perfect for the characters. You've nailed their voices!

Oh Eric coming in with the sunglasses to save the day. Good job Forman! I totally feel the awkwardness between WB and Kitty. And loved the talk between Red and Hyde!

Great story! I'd love to hear more about the crazy dinner ;)

Another fantastically fabulous chapter this was! It’s so nice to see things going a little better for Hyde and his health, I bet it’s something that his friends are also very happy to see—Red and Kitty too, although I think the thing Kitty is most happy for is him coming back home from WB’s lol

LOVED the first scene of the chapter! I know I’ve said this plenty of time before but honestly the scene felt SOO much like one we could have seen in the show! I loved it! And you know me, I love those breakfast scenes so seeing one here in this fic and seeing it written so well is just plain awesome! LOVELOVELOVE the way you wrote Red at the beginning, how he already knows that the weekend would mean his house was going to be filled with all the dumba**es all day lol And so he was reading the paper to find something that he and Kitty could go to to escape the invasion that was sweet and funny. Wonderful descriptions of everything else going on in the kitchen at that moment, Kitty with her oatmeal and Eric doodling on a napkin, I could see it all so clearly!
Then Kitty bringing up what day it was with so much excitement, only to have Eric and Red make comments about how it was Saturday lol, it’s way more than just a regular Saturday! Love how Kitty is the one who’s most excited about this Saturday while Eric and Red really don’t have much of a clue lol. Wonderful exchange here too: “"Uh," Eric looked to his father for help, "today is the day that...I get out of raking the leaves?" "Nice try," Red said from behind the newspaper he was reading.”—Something straight from the early (best) seasons of the show! Love it!

Finally Kitty reveals why this Saturday is so important, it’s the day Hyde comes home! Yay! This would totally be something she would be excited about and Eric would share that excitement too. And Red, well I think you did a brilliantly incredible job at writing Red’s thoughts on the news. It was so wonderfully written and in character! We all know that Red enjoys having Hyde at their house but unlike Kitty, Red knows that they are getting closer and closer to the days when Hyde won’t be living with them anymore. For all they know, Hyde could be moving back home for just a few weeks before deciding to go out on his own or live with WB, he’s an adult now. I loved how you wrote Red’s thoughts on WB too: “Red had mixed feelings about William Barnett, but not enough that he'd beg Steven to stay.”—Very well put! And the way that he’ll feel bad for Hyde seeing him ‘laid up’ until he remembers how Hyde got in that position in the first place and it make him angry instead lol, that is totally Red Forman! Loved that! And then him making the joke about Hyde helping Eric with the leaves, Kitty really wouldn’t find that joke very funny lol, I loved how you wrote her reaction. And the whole exchange at the end with Eric and Red about making jokes was too funny and again something that could have come straight off the show’s scripts! LOVED it!

Next scene in the kitchen with the gang was terrific! It looks like Red was right about it being a very full house and it’s got him hiding upstairs from the crowd lol. It really is nice to see everyone waiting for Hyde’s return home, I loved the details you wrote about what everyone was doing, but especially Jackie with her painting her nails so she would look pretty but also get out of having to carry any suitcases because of her wet nails—lol that is pretty clever! Oh and then Kelso remembering something he had to tell Fez was too funny. That bit about the doughnuts was awesome and now made me want a doughnut too lol “Jackie rolled her eyes. "Fez, you still have half a doughnut." "And my heart is half empty,"—LOL! It turns out though Kelso didn’t having anything to say about doughnuts, it was something to do with one of Fez’s old friends and now just friends but an old girlfriend…Crazy Caroline! Loved how the atmosphere changed as soon as Kelso revealed this news. Fez is scared and Jackie’s not to excited either, I LOVED and laughed at this line from her here: “"Big Rhonda, Crazy Caroline...Maybe don't date girls with awful adjectives attached to their names, Fez." Never realized that! It sounds like Caroline is still the same Crazy Caroline but at least Fez has a friend on the force who can sort of help protect him or make sure justice is served if Crazy Caroline did poison him lol

Hyde’s arrival was so sweet! I loved the way he entered just as Jackie was talking about him and the welcome he gets rom everyone, the cheers and the kiss from Jackie. It’s all so wonderful to see and makes me smile. It was also great to see Hyde’s leg out of the cast and him proudly showing it off too lol But then things sort of turn serious when Hyde starts walking and everyone notices the very noticeable limp. Poor Hyde, I wonder if it’s still painful for him too. I’m guessing so but he’s not gonna be one to show it, and it’s very like him to sort of bush off the comments from everyone else. Hyde’s putting his attention on celebrating his cast removal and being off so many of his painkillers. He can not drink and drive and I’m just hoping he doesn’t do them at the same time, though I’m sure he won’t and if he tries Jackie (and the others, just especially Jackie) won’t let him.

It was great to see everyone else coming to welcome Hyde back home too, Kitty being so excited and Red being happy too but not showing it as much. And of course good old Bob lol Loved how the kids sorta snuck out to the basement too and sat around like it was old times. I really loved the conversation between Eric and Hyde. Eric would be the one who would be concerned about Hyde enough to ask him about how he was doing, if he was done with hospitals and the big question of if his limp will get better. I hope it does but if not maybe a cane could help, but a really cool one like with flames on it! (that could be my favorite of House’s canes lol) This line was classic Eric: “"So I'll cross our names off that ladder climbing competition," Forman quipped.” Hilarious! Aw but no visits to the water tower? Jackie seems happy about that but the others not so much, maybe Hyde can still go but not climb up he and Jackie can sit with the cars and watch Kelso fall from a different angle lol Is sad to think it could be an end of an era for the water tower.

Hyde driving happily in his El Camino was great. It was so nice seeing him so happy and I love that it’s driving his car that seems to make him so happy too. Another thing he and Red have in common, I think. But then the rive takes him on an unexpected route with the little red house. Luckily he was in his car this time, something he knew more about, knew how to drive and control more but that seemed to make him want to drive even faster, trying to prove he could get past this road on his own in his car, but then he encounters an unexpected obstacle. The police. Uh-o. Maybe not the greatest way to end his first day of being off his cast, can’t see the news of this going well with his friends, the Formans or Jackie…maybe he won’t tell them? Can’t wait to find out!

Brilliant work on this chapter once more! I so enjoyed reading it! Thank you so much for sharing it with us, looking forward to reading more and I hope to do so very soon! Till then keep up the always so very wonderful work!

Great story! I wish the show had spent more time developing Hyde's relationship with his father and sister. I can't wait to find out what happens next.

Wonderful work on this very wonderful chapter! It’s great to see Hyde doing better these days but like the others I’m a little concerned about what he’s secretly planning…also a bit hopeful about it too though lol

Terrific first scene with Kitty at the hospital. I so loved how we were able to get this glimpse of her at her job doing an awesome job at as always. It brought a smile to my face. Loved how we saw the drama of the hospital in the background and Kitty saying a silent prayer for the patient really does sound like Kitty. SO loved her interaction with Mr. Davis though, I could see and hear that moment so clearly. Kitty is such a wonderful nurse! Just love the way she makes that connection with her patients and you did an amazing job at capturing that! Bravo! And not only is Kitty a wonderful nurse she’s a wonderful Mom and I love that we get to see her with one of her kids so soon after the moment with Mr. Davis.

Just love moments with Kitty and Hyde and this one was no different. You can tell that Kitty really misses having Hyde at home with her and Red, he might be just a few miles away but to Kitty he might as well be across the world! Lol And based off of Hyde’s smile I think he misses being at the Forman house too…or at least is very happy to see Kitty. Either way it warms my heart! It’s so sweet that Hyde asks how she’s doing when he’s obviously the one who’s making the visit to the hospital, so like Hyde too. But it looks like he’s doing much better! Even Kitty things so and that’s good enough for me lol. I could totally see Kitty beaming when she tells Hyde how he seems to be doing well too. Even telling him how he’s come a long way, he really has.

Hyde still calling himself Tiny Tim lol, Oh Hyde. “"Eh. Couple more weeks as Tiny Tim, then-" "Then you'll be back home!" "Huh? Oh, yeah. That too." "That too? What else is going to happen?" "Nothin'. It'll just be cool." Kitty didn't buy for a second that that was all he was thinking. "Uh huh."—VERY interesting exchange here! I love how Kitty is already so excited for Hyde to come back home but for Hyde that’s sort of the last thing on his mind but what is on his mind! I’m so curious! I love how Kitty can already tell that Hyde was not thinking about how cool it will be to be back home—that’s so like Kitty! OOoo! I wonder if he might be planning something for Jackie for then, you know because he’ll be off crutches and able to get down on one knee? No? Okay, I’ll keep reading!

Had to laugh at Hyde’s reaction when he realizes Kitty is onto him, he knows it’s just a matter of time before she figures him out and so he tries to escape lol. Aw but Kitty asking if he had to rush off so soon, she really misses him! Nice cover from Hyde here: “"Aren't you working?" He was right, but it didn't mean he had to practically run away with hardly a goodbye. What was he up to? "It's just...well, WB's kind of waiting for me.". And then realizing the whole staying with WB thing and Kitty was great, I love how Kitty has bene asking Hyde how he likes living over there so much, just to make sure he’s happy I’m sure lol—that is so like Kitty. And you really can’t help but feel for her, I mean sure WB is his real dad but it doesn’t change that she thinks of him as her own son and WB coming into their lives and now taking Hyde in is sort of a reminder to Kitty that he’s not. Poor Kitty. Love how you wrote his part: “even though she was happy that he was happy, it hurt a little bit to see him recovering with his real parent.” I really love how Hyde can tell she’s hurting too and invites her to get lunch later—so sweet! He’s such a good boy :D Love that last part of the scene with Kitty watching him leave and thinking he looked like a spindly baby giraffe—lol that is SO cute and funny I love it! But yeah, we totally shouldn’t let Hyde know lol She’s so excited to have everyone back at her house where they belong, Kitty in true Kitty fashion starts planning for a party streamer, balloons and all—I love it!

Next scene over at Grooves was fantastic! Loved seeing Angie again and seeing her and Hyde just hanging out and working was great too :D It’s great that Hyde is back at the job full time and his current state doesn’t seem to be giving him too much trouble, in fact it even seems to be helping business lol That was such a fun part to read about the girls coming into the store and being into Hyde, leaving with a lot of records. I LOVED Angie recreating the scene with them, twirling her hair and doing her imitation of the girls asking Hyde to tell them more about the music he liked lol They should be glad Jackie wasn’t there, can you imagine! Lol Hyde doesn’t seem very convinced that it was his good looks that had the girls buying so many albums and Angie agrees thinking it must have also been because Hyde was hurt and that vulnerability is attractive. Oo another mention of Laurie and in the same chapter! Is she going to make an appearance? Either way I like how Hyde was reminded of Laurie and even took a moment to think about her, must have also been a bit odd to have someone not know who Laurie Forman was lol Wonder how Angie and Laurie would act around each other, hmm…

Aww Hyde is happy to be working, that’s really so nice to see. It could be because of the job but I also think it’s because he’s happy not to be sitting around feeling useless. The part with him doing homework/paperwork was great and I loved the whole exchange between the siblings about recess. But Poor Hyde having his leg pointed out again, especially when he was kind of carrying on at the job like it was fine. Hyde looking at the motorcycle magazine made me sad at first like he sort of punishing himself with images of something he’d had and had caused him to get hurt but then I realized he must be looking at one because he wants to get one! O.O Loved Angie’s reaction at seeing it and Hyde’s smart comment about the New York Times—lol. Hyde’s comment here: “"Yeah, I'm going to buy a motorcycle with the thousands of dollars of debt I have left over from the last one."—Poor Guy…but wait does this mean he really doesn’t plan to buy one? I really loved the next part where Angie reminds Hyde that WB and Red and Kitty are taking care of the expenses for the motorcycle and how Hyde already planned to pay them for it all, that is so Hyde.

Glad that the customers came in but at the same time I wanted to hear more about what Hyde had to say about this motorcycle magazine, how he got it, why he was looking at it….He mentions about one day he did want to ride again, hopefully after getting some lessons and wearing a helmet! Loved the sibling bit of Angie saying tht she would tell their dad and it making Hyde realize he did have a sister lol Funny stuff! “He'd almost let his plan slip to Kitty earlier that day, and he'd have to be more careful about that. She certainly would have some strong words on the subject.”—Oo interesting so maybe his plans are to start getting back on a bike as soon as he’s off the crutches…oh boy Kitty would definitely have some strong words about that!

Aww the little lunch heart from Jackie in Hyde’s lunch bag was so sweet and I love that it made Hyde smile and even think it was cute! So sweet! Must have brightened his afternoon a bit too. Angie bringing the motorcycle topic back up was nicely done, she cares about Hyde’s well being too and doesn’t want him to risk getting hurt again, I think many of the others would agree with her. Maybe Hyde’s thinking of getting back on one so quickly so that he won’t be scared if he let’s too much time pass…or maybe he’s thinking of something else as this secret plan of his. He knows he can’t get on the bike right away and probably couldn’t afford one till much later but he does want to include riding a motorcycle in his future—among other things he wants in his future. :D I really loved Angie bringing up the question of if he would even be able to ride with his leg, I couldn’t help thinking ‘Uh of course he can, look at House’ when I read that part lol but it does sound like he might have to go through some therapy and possible procedures before he can ride again—and probably go through a crowd of angry friends and family members lol. Angie’s speech to Hyde was so wonderfully written, it really made me feel for her and showed the close brother sister bond these two already share, she’s really worried about him and doesn’t want to take the chance of reliving that horrible day again—did love the last part about Hyde just planning to tell Angie that the soda she was drinking was his lol

Awesome work once more! I so enjoyed reading it, thank you for sharing it and I hope to be back to read the next chapter very, very soon! Till then keep up the always so very fabulous work!

Yay! You're back! Loved it! Ready for more.

Incredible work on this magnificent chapter! I’m so excited to see you back to writing this story now I’ve got two wonderful chapters to catch up on, yay!

The first scene of the chapter with Jackie finding Hyde packing up his things in Red’s den was so wonderfully written. I loved the first paragraph that really sets the scene. Jackie’s not only curious about what’s going on but is determined to get some answers. And you just knew she was gonna get them! I like how when she spots the suitcase she right away goes into asking question mode, she doesn’t want to be left out on any more secrets. And when she starts to think that the reason Hyde is packing, the reason everyone has been so secretive is because Hyde was planning a surprise trip to Hawaii was brilliantly funny and so like Jackie! I could totally see her face lighting up with excitement at the mere idea, and the confused look Hyde gives her in return. A trip to Hawaii is expensive and I like how Hyde points it out and LOVE how he nearly lets it slip that maybe they could go for their honeymoon. This near death experience has totally put marriage on his mind and it’s adorable! Wonder if Jackie’s starting to catch on too, if she is she’s hiding her excitement really well, maybe not wanting to scare him off lol

When Hyde starts to talk to her about him falling again, I really loved how he led it all up with having her picture them in Hawaii. It’s so sweet the picture he painted of the two of them dancing and sneaking off behind a palm tree—LOVE that! And you did an amazing job yourself painting the picture of Hyde and Jackie imaging that image of Hawaii and moving in closer to each other. This line here was awesome: “And there are flowers and...peacocks...velociraptors. I don't know. What's in Hawaii?" Lol! Love that, totally make me want a 70s Show takes on Hawaii story now lol! Then Hyde leads into the more serious talk about moving in with WB and about his latest mishap fall and Jackie is not happy to hear that she’s the last one to know about the fall where her boyfriend had gotten injured again. Hyde reminding her about Hawaii and trying to get her less mad at him because of it was clever and funny but didn’t work unfortunately. I just adore the way you wrote their whole exchange! It’s in character like something we would see on the show but with more depth to it too. I really loved how Jackie soon lets go of her anger to make sure that Hyde is really okay from his fall. Hyde says he’s fine but Jackie isn’t convinced that he is. Hyde admitting Jackie was right and he wasn’t fine but would be, was terrific! Loved that! What I loved even more though was the way Jackie doesn’t make as big a deal of being right as she normally would have. She just wants to make sure Hyde is okay—awww!

LOVED this exchange here: “"And next time you want to do something stupid, like ride a dangerous machine you have no idea how to work, ask me and I'll tell you how stupid you're being!" "Can't wait for that conversation," he droned.”—They already sound like a married couple! Lol The details of Jackie lacing her fingers with Hyde’s was just the sweetest, and I loved the words she tells him in that moment too, his life might be a mess right now but he still had her to take care of him—and she was still looking forward to that Hawaii trip lol Then the talk about WB and Hyde’s new rich family was so great but the part I really loved was all the talk about caviar and Hyde calling it duck food LOL too funny! Aww this closing line was the best: “"You have so much to learn. I have my work cut out with you." He smirked at her. "Ditto."—Awesomeness!

The next scene in the basement was terrifically wonderful! You do such an amazing job at writing these characters and making it feel like I’m watching a lost episode from the show—Thank you! Kelso being the spy, qualified because of his cop status lol, while Hyde went to break the moving in with WB news to the Formans was great! I could totally see Kelso listening in at the vent trying to hear what was going on lol LOVED the exchange with the guys about not hearing anything and Donna calling them creepy and Fez proving that they were pretty creepy—lol all it was so wonderfully written! Kelso’s thoughts while listening in were so great too, I especially liked him rating Red’s rant on the Red Alert Scale lol And this line too “That was how it usually went; one was trying to talk the other one down. If both Formans were upset with you, you knew you were screwed”—So true!

It sounds like Kitty’s taking it as well as they thought she would, she doesn’t want to loose one of her kids and any amount of time would be too long for her. Red on the other hand thinks it might be a good idea, partly because it would mean one less kid in the house but I think he’s also thinking of Hyde’s wellbeing too and doesn’t want to take the risk of the boy falling in their house again. Kelso asking why Red hates people so much and Eric replying with why the sky was blue was HILARIOUS! And the exchange that followed was too funny! “Kelso scrunched up his eyebrow. No answer came to him. "I don't know, man. What's that got to do with Red?" Eric just shook his head. "No, really. Now I'm all curious and stuff. Why is it blue?" "Forget it," Eric said. "I want to know!"—LOL such funny stuff! LOVE it! And then the last exchange in the scene honestly felt so much like the show! I loved it! “"No," Jackie said, "you're still pretty stupid." "Hey!" "Don't worry, my friend," said Fez. "You put the pretty in pretty stupid."-lol! Such great stuff!

Fabulous next scene with Eric and Hyde arriving at WB’s mansion. I liked how you didn’t put too many details about the place but through the character’s talk about it we readers could form an instant picture of what the place looked like. Eric was especially impressed with it and even tells Hyde he deserves it, which makes Hyde a bit skeptical until Eric explains he meant after all that’s happened with the hospital stuff he should have a cool place to recover at. Aww poor Hyde still thinking he was too dumb to operate a bike, the guy still beats himself up about the accident. Glad Eric is there to point out he doesn’t not deserve a mansion. LOVED Eric’s Annie reference and also the mention of Laurie too. Very funny bit where Eric tries to explain how he knew so much about the musical lol

LOVED the part where Hyde walks into the guest *suite* not just a room but a *suite* fancy! You did an amazing job at writing Hyde’s feelings towards the room, he’s grateful for it but it still feels weird for him to be in there. This line was so brilliantly done: “It really did feel like some kind of betrayal to the Steven Hyde brand, so to speak.” Uh-o Hyde starting to wonder who he really was, has me a bit worried. We all know who he is, he’s a good guy and now he’s maturing that’s who he is. Wonderful moment at the end with the gold painted frame and the tropical trees, I wonder if Hyde was thinking about Jackie and their trip to Hawaii when he spotted it. I like to think he was!

Brilliant work once more! I so loved reading the chapter and hope to read more very, very soon! Till then keep up the very terrific work!

i was so excited to see an update on this fic! i absolutely love the way you write

Well, this is great! You really write well!
The voices of the characters and their interaction are perfect, and also really funny (I found myself laugh out loud more than once). You manage to balance perfectly lighter and more serious moments, and the added mystery/suspence has me hooked: I really hope to see other chapters :)