huh.

I have finally returned, and in a quick word A-FREAKING-MAZING! I cried at the “dad?” part, so many inside jokes, just amazing. I was reading for hunger of resolution and enjoyment. I was definitely satisfied. I had to let the whole story ruminate in my mind. Too good, too good, thank you! Wow

so close, yet so far, gavan. just keep working and turn rhouse into another corpse. Can't wait for the next update!

I feel like I know how Kaelyn feels. I too sometimes have a small voice that tells me there's something...more, if not better, somewhere else. It happens a lot when I'm alone. But then my boyfriend comes home and hugs me, and the voice is quieted. It's an interesting sensation, for sure.

I liked the pace, it felt like it was breathing, a full recovery from the trauma of 12 and a new freshness and acceptance after the quiet of 13. Then the mental pace increases with a decision to be made and the looming solution to the zendor problem. It resolves appropriately with hope and a kiss. Then you can see the hero switch go on in Gavans mind and his dedication to protect the manner of life and kids at the sanctuary as well as Kaelyns is resolute and he is prepared to come back for more reason than that is what his training is for. I liked Kaelyns diplomacy and tenderness with the kids and reading to them and Gavan watching the scene from afar, the little engine that could was a neat reference. Mar’taans history was very neat to have revealed, you were left wondering why he’s involved with the assassin training at all previously. I liked his old sageness and humor, especially with, “stop wasting your time talking to an old man like me” He’s very cool, like a duros obi wan without the force. I am concerned with Jenna and a dark side. It’s a hard life for a child of an assassin, hopefully Mar’taans teachings will keep her safe mentally. Straight up a good chapter on forgiveness and moving forward.

*slow exhale* This story just gets better and better. I wasn't expecting them to get that close this quickly, but I'm glad they did. I'm also happy to know about Kaelyn's past, as I had a lot of questions about it.

I enjoyed this! I’m thinking it was a rough transition for me. I’m always thinking, when in shows, they have the emotional moments in the break between battle, I’m constantly waiting for the poo to hit the fan, so to speak. So I’m yelling at them, how can you keep your guard down, it’s coming, it’s coming!

Finally got a chance to read chapter 12! Essentially it’s all a go, so I ate it up really too fast. Right from Gavans descriptive tree maneuvers you knew business was at hand. Haha, at first I thought the two were doing something different as they made themselves comfortable on the table, I was like WHA-WHAT!? then they were just eating. Phew! Not quite like Ezios adventures…But it looks like you’ve been studying 360 degree battle/fight scenes. They’re very descriptive to the level where you know you’re watching a highly elite expressly trained warrior carry out a particular mission, this one, removing multiple threats of which they are at different threat levels themselves all simultaneously. He’s an intelligent strategist plotting moves that make the more sense in the bigger picture in the fraction of a moment. Disable this one to attend to the blade coming at my face, not all kill moves for each opponent. A ballet of purposeful synched movement. No wasted energy. Really a neat scene. Then enters the emotional side. You knew that reaction was coming from her, but when it happens, you’re confused and upset and like Gavan and thinking, wait, but, I, uh, and perfect timing for Mar’taan to interrupt with his wisdom of the emotions and ways of the hu-man. Hahaha Very wonderful! Thank you, enjoyed it, now for the heart tugging chapter 13?

I like him immediately, calling attention to his hand, “overexposure is the quickest way to look past something” then he calls her out on her lack of social exposure. Very cool and very wise. I like his calm mannerisms and doesn’t interrogate Kaelyn, but allows her to fill in the story on her own, with some gentle prompting. Well, that surely sucks. Out of one mess and one cup of tea later into a worse one. Some local towny thugs trying to scare the population into payouts. Is the sanctuary of inspired hope an assassin base or just a peaceful refuge? Was Gavan brought up there? The chapter ends in a depressing manner, good writing wise, bad for the reader who doesn’t have chapter 12 yet…

Ugh! Body sickening thud! Ugh! Poison darts with psychotics, very inventive! It was a great tool doing most of the work for him. The old man struggle with Gavans coping mechanism to cram it into his pit of remorse. Very sad and a sure way to achieve burnout without an outlet. Will we see more of his mental struggles? These sequences were amazing, Gavan vs 4 foot pole was short, yet exceptionally depicted, it showed well in my head, like a great slo-mo ala matrix or good Hong Kong films. The quiet summer noises were a nice touch to the beginning and ending to this action chapter. And I like how Gavan stuck it to rich old dudes with fancy cars.

HAHAHAHAH! I love Gavans second dance partner! Quite the charmer she was! HAHAHAHAH! The dress description was tasteful yet alluring and you could sense Gavans interest being piqued. The dance was well written and I could visualize the whole thing as from a period piece. Very elegant. I liked Gavans sneaky coat move and his banter with the guard. That poor girls heart is flying all over the place. I shall see what happens next

Awe Yeh! Imperial PAR-TAY! I love how Edee is laughing all the time, even in Gavans head. Those are some great parts, where her humor and character are so big they take over the environment of the ship. I like how Kaelyn agrees without complaint to help, recognizing the greater purpose but still has that fear of oppression that she needs to escape. It could have easily become a nag and whine fest, but you wrote her well as she becomes more mature. I like the hair/hope theme, as felt her struggle as the ball begins to drop and the dreams and hopes you’ve built up, start burning. I’ve felt that way before and you nailed that emotion for sure. I need to start doing rereads. It’s like watching on episode of a great story arc every other month. Too much time has passes, and for me, I forget the details. Which is sucky.

OK! I like how she’s trying to atone for her families sin with the only means she knows how, or just learned and is willing to commit to a life of drudgery just to empathize with the oppression that the imperials have placed across the galaxy. I like his mental calling to remembrance of lessons dealing with the darkness, and realizing how close he is/was walking in it and recognized the same in his friend. You did well with minimal dialogue, it would have cheapened their own struggles and pushed them into a sort of trusting dependent relationship prematurely. In my opinion at least. Of course, fantastic job and I’m patiently waiting for chapter 6:

Oh man, I love it! Gavan is such a great character, full of all kinds of hardness yet real emotion and I laugh whenever he’s really going to regret something. It was a rough chapter for Kaelyn to come through, innocent and naïve, then to see the atrocities done in her governments name to steeling her resolve to live bigger than a mere socialite runaway, perhaps to make a difference in the galaxy. Well done!

I did read chapter 3, I like how he’s calmly extracting information from her, I would like to see how her background plays out and what and if and how her oppressive past catches up with her, played out from inside her psyche or an attack from outside with her old life or whatever you have written shall be obscenely enjoyable!