Please make the story happy, and have Jimber talk to his sister about old times and catching up. They are twin and haven't seen each other in a while.

I really like your story! I hope you write more

please update I love this

I'm impressed with this chapter as well. One note for future stories - when dealing with illnesses, it's good to put context clues in earlier chapters that someone is going to get hurt, or sick. It serves as a sort of warning, so readers are expecting it - for some, characters getting sick or hurt can be a trigger, particularly younger readers. A good context clue won't give away what is going to happen, but does allow the readers to guess, but also not be shocked either. It will take practice though.

So... normally I'd be asking writers right about now what they're ending is, and to think of one, because there is no conflict in their stories, and they just rattle on, and on. Slice-of-Life is about the mundane, every day life, but there is still going to be conflict. I like how you added conflict into this chapter.

Also, I'm glad you didn't make the story gimmicky by adding the unrealistic tricks. You've not been writing long, but you're able to keep the characters in character, and your story's got nice conflict built in despite the Slice-of-Life nature, something I normally see writers who've been at it much longer then you struggle with. Your strengths stand out more though because you didn't make the story gimmicky.

Looking forward to the next chapter. :)

The paragraphs are kind of on the large side at the beginning. I'd also normally suggest avoiding going into detail about the riders day to day routines like you did, BUT...

In this case Horseland is of the Slice-of-Life genre, and so is your story, so it makes sense to have the routine in there, as it's a slice of the characters lives.

I bring it up so that you'll be aware of it for when you write a story which is not of the Slice-of-Life genre, as it will feel like filler to your readers.

There is a concept called "show, don't tell" you'll want to utilize for future stories. In this chapter you described the characters in one big chunk. When you introduced the horses, the detail was less, and you also did a bit of showing when you mentioned the horses coat sparkled in the sun. Space it out, but also...

example:

Telling: Greg's hair was a shadowy blue, and his eyes a deep green.
Showing: Greg's deep green eyes sparkled with mirth, his shadowy blue hair sticking to his forehead because of sweat.

You'll be able to put a little more of yourself into the story.

I like the beginning of that

Interesting chapter. I'm not sure why Bailey would note that the ride was different, as he's likely to have ridden quite a few horses, as his parents run Horseland. They're also really not much difference between riding one horse and another, other then the fact some horses have behavior issues.

Again, I really like how you're taking your time to introduce the new characters. I'm hoping you can keep track of them, because it does become harder the more OCs one has. I know that from personal experience.

First, I love the summary. Second, the introduction of the new characters is slow paced, and feels like a realistic reason. Prose is also good, and characterization is spot on. It still seems like you're coming into your own writing style, but that's alright.

The one thing that does bother me is the whole acrobatics during jumping. That's not going to happen during competition, and there isn't really an overlap. I also doubt anyone would be able to do a back flip off a horse while they're jumping over a jump.

please continue with your story!

Cool c:

Mmmm... love me some horse cock.