The Good: I felt that Roman's characterization is top notch. I like what you did by allowing us to read through Roman's thoughts. It allows the reader to understand the more human aspects of the character, one who in canon is two-dimensional at best. I also like your usage of repetition to influence tone. My heart started pounding as I came to realize that something is going wrong. It's something that everyone can relate to. Another thing I liked was your ability to write around canon and do it well. How the story progressed felt just right like it could actually be canon if there was a retcon in the story.

Needs Improvement: The part where Roman served as Neo's surrogate father was interesting, but I don't think it's used often enough for the reader to see that pattern. Using a quick ctrlf showed you mentioned parent roughly seven times, one a third of the way through the story and the rest coming up in the second half. When I did my initial read through, I got confused for a moment when I finally registered that the father/daughter relationship existed. It felt like you wanted to have something about their relationship, but it felt tacked on like it's not incorporated into the story. It doesn't help that the first third of the fic implies that they just have the usual partner relationship. If there was something about how there's something special between them earlier, it would've rooted better into people's minds. It helps the reader to follow a train of logic to that conclusion, not the abrupt one we got in the second third of the fic.

Another thing that needs improvement is how you start your paragraphs/new lines. I counted thirty out of two hundred and six lines where you started with the word 'he', or roughly fifteen percent of your lines. I know I just praised you for your usage of repetition, but I liked how thematically you repeated things. From a mechanics perspective, starting fifteen percent of the lines with 'he' can get irritating to the eyes.

There are times when you tell instead of show. Take this line for example: "When he looked down that cliff, the rest of him took what it saw at face value, and it was wracked by pure grief as a result." This line slowed the momentum that was the brilliant dream sequence. If you went a little further and described the grief Roman felt, it would've made this scene more powerful.

That went and hit me right in the feels. I have to admit that I was worried that Roman was going to get bad news when it was all said and done. Thankfully that was not the case (I've never been so happy to read about a Grimm being taken down by the blade of a parasol before).

Reddit brought me here.
Dude...Dude...where do I even begin?
God, this was just...beautiful. And that is a major understatement.
It's so emotional, shows Roman as more human than ever, and ends so well, I almost cried just reading it...and I don't cry.
Keep it up man.

That was nice :)

Roman as Neo's adoptive dad is something I like

Beautiful

This...mother of dust...this is beautiful. My heart was beating so fast and that ending...heh...you did a good job with this story. Keep it up!

Beautiful work

I kind of had the same idea for a head cannon,afterll, I think Roman's smart enough to know not to involve himself in something out of his league.

If Neo doesn't show up later I'm accepting it as cannon.