Why is Batman having so much trouble figuring out that there's a mole in the GCPD? I knew that there was one since Gordon thought to himself that the criminals had been tipped off about the cops' arrival multiple times.

I'm actually kind of into the idea of Bruce and Copperhead eventually getting together. I'm not sure if that's what you intend, but it would be really cool. Not to mention completely original. I don't think that there's ever been a story with those two, which is kind of sad considering I found they're chemistry to be really good in Arkham Origins.

I like this story.

Hey, what's up. Been reading some of your work and I've got to say, you really put in a lot of hard work into it, even though it takes a while for you to finish a chapter. But hey, the wait is always worth it.

Anyway enough said, time for me to review your new story and chapter after already catching up:

Man, that was close, Batman was extremely lucky to have survived against Deadshot, not to mention he used his weakness by using her daughters' innocence in order to stop him from killing Batman. Still, I could tell it's going to be hard for her since her father is a hired killer.

Also, now that Deadshot is behind bars The Batman (a.k.a. Bruce Wayne) now has to rest for the moment, but that doesn't mean he's still has a lot on his plate. Guess there's no rest for criminals or even for vigilante heroes.

Anyway, Black Mask was extremely pissed after what happened, not mention he's to deal with this Red Hood Gang. But I wonder, who are the Red Hood Gang and how does Black Mask know about them? Guess there's only one way to find out is by reading the story.

Well good luck on the next chapter!

Good chapter.

Holy shit welcome back old friend. It's great to see you writing and doing the characters justice, I'm very glad this story is back and really can't wait to read more.

I think the approach you're taking with this is novel. It's always refreshing to see something of some actual substance in this fandom- or on FFN in general, really. The description is great, especially of Gotham City, and I like the emotion.

However, I couldn't help but notice some things that pulled me out of the story in this chapter. First off, Bruce. He seems much too young and babyish in a way that’s a little grating- I know you mentioned that he’s supposed to be 8, but typically Bruce is shown to have been about 10-to-12 when his parents were killed, and there’s a reason for that. It’s easier to empathize him if he’s not acting babyish and has something of a head on his shoulders before the accident. I’m pulled out of the story every time he refers to his parents as 'mommy' and 'daddy'. Beyond that, Bruce is often shown to have already been quite the mature child before the accident, and, his family being as wealthy and famous as it is, grew out of the whole 'pew pew pew, guns and sword fights' phase quite quickly.

Another problem with Bruce being 8 is because it stretches the age difference between Gordon and Bruce to an excessive amount. If Gordon is in his 30s when Bruce is 8, then by the time Bruce becomes Batman Gordon would be at least 30 years older than him, when typically, as Gordon is usually still red-haired when Bruce starts out, the age difference is shown to be only about 15 years. So Gordon is typically a rookie cop when Bruce's parents are murdered, not a commanding officer, and thus is in about his early 20's.

Another note is that sometimes characters come right out and state things in their POV in a way that seems unrealistic, and could be better shown than told- take this paragraph, for example.

"Alfred looked down at the young boy, feeling nothing but sorrow for him. What a terrible thing to happen to a boy, and so young too. He would never get over this tragedy, never in a million years. The happy-go-lucky billionaire son was gone forever. What would be become when he got older? Would he ever be psychologically healthy again? The questions were daunting and Alfred dreaded finding out the answers."

It seems unrealistic for Alfred to be thinking this way- he wouldn't thinking about the lasting psychological damage it'll have on him, he wouldn't be thinking about how he'd never get over this, what a senseless tragedy it is, what will become of Bruce in adulthood... he'd probably be thinking about what he can do to help Bruce right now, in this moment. He wouldn't already be thinking years in the future right after the event happens.

On top of that, it is often much more powerful to convey things via subtlety than just to come right out and state it. So instead of Alfred just thinking to himself that Bruce is not the happy-go-lucky billionaire anymore, you could have Alfred notice that his eyes are less bright that they used to be, or that his face already seems darker, or something. And instead of Alfred just saying that he thinks Bruce will be psychologically damaged by this event, you could have him try to put his hand on his shoulder, and then Bruce shrugs his hand off, or have Bruce being uncharacteristically quiet, or something along those lines. It’s more engaging than just coming right out and stating it.

Also- and this is a big point, as it will often cause readers to back-click out of your story- your dialogue punctuation is incorrect. You write it like this:

"I'll keep up daddy." Bruce chipped.
When the correct way to write it is this:
"I'll keep up daddy," Bruce chipped.

(As a side note, this sentence also has a couple other errors- 'Daddy' should be capitalized, there should be a comma after 'up', and I think you meant to write 'chirped'... but these are nitpicks in the grander scheme of things.)

In a similar vein of incorrect dialogue punctuation, you write this a few times:
"Stay where you are!" he demanded, "Don't make me shoot!"
The error here is the comma after the speech tag, 'demanded'- it should just be a period.

I'm only on the first chapter at the moment, but I skimmed through some of the other chapters and you appear to do the dialogue punctuation incorrectly like this through the whole thing. I recommend changing this each time it happens, as incorrect dialogue punctuation like this is sure to turn a lot of readers away.

Also, Thomas notes that the alley is called ‘Crime Alley’, but this isn’t technically accurate. It only started being called that AFTER the Waynes were murdered there. As is Thomas seems to come off as a complete idiot- I don’t know if that was intentional, but if it is I suggest against it. It makes it much harder to sympathize with him.

Hope you don't mind all the concrit- I really do like the story. I think the plot looks like it's shaping up to be interesting and I like the writing style. These were just some things that detracted for me and made it a little hard to read the chapter. I enjoy the premise enough that I want to see it executed to its full potential.

Can’t wait to get to reading the other chapters, and will be eagerly awaiting further updates.

-Lavada Lenore

Of course they're going to be alive! They're Batman and pre Two-Face Harvey :)

Overall, a good chapter, Mixedfan. I have very much enjoyed your story from its beginning. Just a few minor critiques. One is some of your sentences sound kind of wordy or overly complex. As I read a lot of your dialogue, I can't help but think, "People wouldn't actually speak so elaborately or so wordy." Another is the whole "treason" thing. Treason is only a charge for betraying the United States of America. There is no state level version of treason for being disloyal to the local government. Loeb could, of course, say that Dent supporting Batman could be aiding and abetting. And the only other one is the conflict of supposedly two police commissioners: Loeb and Gordon. There can only be one commissioner of a police department at a time, and Gordon traditionally becomes commissioner after Loeb. Gordon could certainly be a high ranking officer in the department, like a lieutenant, captain, or chief, but there wouldn't be two commissioners. Other than that, though, I really have enjoyed your story and look forward to seeing what you do next chapter.

Great story. You should check out my Arkham chapters and give me some feedback! :)

Hey Mix, did you play the new game, Batman: The Telltale Series? It's very fun, and it will shock you at times

Welcome back my old friend, its great to see you're still writing. I was playing the Telltale Batman game and just thought of this story so it's great you chose to update. As always very excited for more. Interesting to see Roy and hear a metion of Jade. Never did know their kid's name though makes me wonder if Roy is still Speedy or not or if Oliver is Green Arrow...I'm interested lol. Be waiting for more.

Harvey sure is a pretty nice politician. Too bad he's about to "have a little something on his face."

Poor Waylon. He just has a decease, but hey, maybe he could better :)

Hell of a fight. One of my favorite villains, and good and evil working together. I fucking love it. Such detail and amazing line of words, great job my friend.