Ruby isn't a different Ruby, hardened by war. It's just not even Ruby any more. The thing that makes Ruby unique is that she would never act the way she is, here. And frankly, even if this was justifiable, Ruby isn't an interesting or likable character in this.

Although Weiss's changes are more believable, they also make her less interesting. She's supposed to be haughty but dependable, while secretly insecure. I don't doubt that the insecurity will come out more, but if it's just about the only thing we see, then she's not interesting any more.

Garrett is just awful. I'd be willing to give him more of a chance if I previously liked him, but I don't. You're the only one who cares about Garrett.

That leaves Ren. And I absolutely love what you're doing with Ren. He's fallen from grace in an interesting way, and he's a character that's fully capable of doing so in the way that you've described. It's actually really cool.

But I'm not here for Ren. I'm here for Weiss and Ruby, and they're just not remotely entertaining in this story. Not particularly likable either. So I'm sorry to say, but I don't intend to read this any further.

'...trip over his own feet ";" Jaune, the first...'

Jaune's death seems very anti-climatic- if I'm reading this right, Ruby had a crush on him. Watching him die would elect a very strong, very heart-wrenching reaction.

Cinder seems a bit out of character, but then again, we've never seen her interact with Ruby much. Just be sure to explore this relationship further.

'focused on finding where Cresent Rose had fallen.' She knows where it is; now she needs to get to it.

'The flank wasn't meant to be.' I've never heard that term; what's it mean?

'...as were her black pant(s).'

'on your first day, (but)such were the joys'

You've got a good start going here. Is it safe to assume that the one character is yours? Anyways, I look forward to beta this.

Oh my god this is one of the best rwby stories I've ever read and I cant wait for the next part