U say u want to know what bothered me? What bothered me is that I don’t get more! This was beautifully planned out and wonderfully executed. I loved every second of reading this, good job! I love how u made Bill quirky and a little annoying yet hot and caring. It’s all so good that I wish u had made more! Congrats on the fanfic your good!

That was great, but you need to look for a misspelling, you spelled Mabel wrong once

The last pick up line though.. X'D This was so adorable! Very well done! :D 3

that's so adorable I love it

when I read this I was Sunday so I thought sexual Sunday

Hey that was amazing! That was really great and I enjoyed it a lot.
My one suggestion is to use phrases with the structure: _,_as_. I think you used that structure about once every two paragraphs. (I'm not a writing major or anything so I'm not sure if it's more correct than what I'm about to suggest) Try replacing some of the "as" words with since, because, or just having two simple sentences. Simple sentences are friendly. The problem is when the team up with thousands of other simple sentences to kill a writing piece.
Anyway, thanks for writing this! It was worth reading.

lol, this was a nice story, it was nice, very nice

It's great but you have to continu it