I love the way you developed your characters through both vivid description and actions. You created compelling characters while still staying IC. All in all, you have written a good story filled with emotion!

(This judge gave you perfect scores in Characterization, Style, Voice, and Writing Quality.)

~FCP Judge #2~

Strongest Qualities: (1) Plot – There is a clear conflict with a compelling and constructive storyline. (2) Writing Quality – The story is easy to read with good spelling and grammar and varying sentence/paragraph structure.

Keep working on: (1) Passion – So the story impacts the audience and so their feelings change as they read. (2) Style/Voice – So the point of view aids the storytelling and so the writing voice is appropriate to the genre.

This fic was very interesting. Jin is not often present in fanfics, and it was interesting to see how you developed her. However, I feel that you could have developed the plot a bit more. All in all, good job!

(This judge gave you perfect scores on Style, Voice, and Writing Quality.)

The characterization in this story really makes it stand out! Zuko and Jin are both very vivid, in-character, and their depictions tie into canon perfectly. I love Zuko's narrative voice in this. His self-reflection is beautifully and accurately illustrated, and the strong internal conflict keeps your readers engaged!

The comparison between Jin and Mai in the conclusion was my favorite part. The line about "...kissing a girl who didn't smile easy - she didn't smile at all. And her eyes weren't green, and her hair wasn't brown..." made my heart ache! Simple imagery but enormously effective. It tied together the hints of romance, heartbreak, and the other themes that this oneshot explored. This part made the conclusion powerful and memorable.

Word choice is nice, and structurally, your paragraphs are organized well. Be wary of run-on sentences every now and then. This is a nitpicky note, but I also wish that the dialogue matched the intensity of the story a little more. Again, the simplicity was effective, but my only suggestion would be to differentiate this betrayal from other betrayals. Then implement this into their final conversation.

This isn't something I think I've ever mentioned in a review before, but the authors note was really thought-provoking and interesting. You're analytical, which is a wonderful skill to have as an author. At the end of Zuko and Jin's exchange in your story, I was trying to pinpoint what makes their relationship/betrayal so special. If you incorporate some of the strong reasoning that you explained in the ending note into the actual narrative, it would add more levels to the actual piece. Again, I'm being super nitpicky and opinionated. This was still a really great read. :)

Overall, beautiful work! I love your exploration of this couple - you write for it very well. Thanks again for submitting! I'm wishing you only the best in your future writing endeavors.

Cheers,
Summer

This was very well done, and your notes at end do explain a lot on your view of the characters and the show. The only thing I disagree with, and quite honestly don't understand its popularity, is I really don't like the Zutara pairing.

This was a great one-piece. I like Zuko and Jin stories a lot and this one was very well-done. I was especially taken with the second-to-last paragraph of the story; that whole idea of 'loyalty' sums up SO much of Zuko's character. Poor Zuko. And poor Jin as well.
Keep writing!

Beautiful

nicely done.