i love it

You mentioned that pale yellow scarf Wisty was wearing several times. I wonder what the significance of that might be. I agreed with what you said about Wisty never having much luck in relationships and that they had always ended either badly or tragically for her, hence it made total sense for her to choose to stay independent and not get married. Everybody, including Emmet, Wisty and Whit, was in character, which was good.

There was an intruder at the City hospital? Uh-oh. The Allgoods better catch the culprit soon before the situation deteriorates. All we know is that this person is female. Your description of the mysterious visitor was vague, but that's a good thing because it only adds to the reader's curiosity about who she is. And she has magic, which makes her dangerous and unpredictable but at the same time intriguing. Guess I'll have to find out what her motives are and why she's here.

The mistakes in this chapter have decreased compared to your previous chapters, but there are still a lot of errors. I'd recommend that you get a beta to proofread your work.

I liked how you ended the chapter in a cliffhanger, and it was a nice cliffhanger as well. I don't have a feeling that the men and women dressed in black and blue are up to anything good. Come on, Whit and Wisty! Get out of there!

By the way, thank you for giving me a shout out! I was not expecting that.

I am impressed by the amount of detail you described for each circus performance. There was a lot more action and suspense in this chapter which made the story more exciting to read.

The only problem is that your writing is mostly in large chunks. It would be better if you had broken them down into smaller paragraphs, as this will vary the pacing and momentum of the scenes and make them a lot easier and less boring to read. I am not saying that you cannot have long paragraphs for action scenes 'at all.' What I am suggesting is that you should have 'a mixture of' short and long paragraphs, or maybe even create one that consists of only a single word, to make the events more interesting for readers so that you're causing them to feel breathless and anxious, as well as making them yearn to find out what's going to happen next.

Just like your previous four chapters, the fifth chapter had plenty of punctuation errors and partial sentences which were combined messily into one. Once again I have to stress that a piece of writing can only make sense to the people reading it if it is free of, or has very few, mistakes. Personally, I found it hard to understand what the story was trying to tell me most of the time. I felt like I was reading fragmented bits of this and that which don't quite add up and don't fit together very well.

Nikolas and Eremiel are certainly talented at circus performances! They seem interesting. However, I think there are too many OCs in your story so far. Wisty is the only original canon character from the books, and her brother Whit is seen very little. It would be fantastic if you could bring more canon characters into the story - Janine, Emmet, and Ross, for example.

I could clearly see why this chapter wasn't easy for you to write. Overall, I believe you did a marvellous job of making it as best as it can be, so well done! I hope you found this feedback helpful.

I enjoyed reading all the fun and exciting things Wisty and Kridi did together. Kridi has an intriguing and eccentric personality. I liked the story that the narrator told in the end. It was suspenseful, and having the mysterious man transform into a deadly serpent and kill the little girl's parents provided a very good twist.

When you were describing the stranger wearing the N.O uniform I think you meant the word branded into his right shoulder to be 'renegade' rather than 'renege,' since 'renege' was confusing. Also, I think you meant to say 'follow' instead of 'fallow.'

Your writing style is pretty good and you appear to have a wide range of vocabulary. Keep it up! I bet that if you did not make so many mistakes in your chapters you'd be an amazing writer.

The conditions of the proposals are ridiculous. Making magicians wear black scarves, separating buildings into magic and non-magic sections, forcing magic-makers to attend different schools...these people are horrible! Just because they are magicians doesn't mean that they should be treated differently. Obviously the citizens haven't forgotten the terrible dark days under The One's reign, but the men need to know that not all witches and wizards in the City are evil, especially not Whit and Wisty Allgood, so I completely understand why Wisty was so angry seeing the proposal terms and why she decided to burn them using her fire powers.

It would be excellent if you could reduce the errors and mistakes in your future chapters as much as possible, because that seriously lowers the quality of your story! Yikes!

I like the name you gave to the circus. The Atlas Carnival...it sounds ingenious!

To answer your question, I think that a circus using real magic would draw a lot of onlookers and popularity. I bet that the show will be absolutely stunning!

The first chapter seems interesting, but I'm afraid I have to admit that I didn't entirely get what was going on. You did a nice job of describing Joan's appearance and the way she was dressed. The story would definitely be made A LOT better if you could watch out more for punctuation between sentences, because I spotted quite a few sentences which were unusually long, therefore getting punctuation right would help what you are trying to say to other readers make sense. There were a couple of spelling mistakes as well. I'm sorry if these points might seem a little harsh, but I really do feel the need to point them out.

I like how descriptive you story is. Keep it up!