Okay. Okay okay okay. Let me try to put this sensation to words. It may not be possible, and as a writer, that is unacceptable. But seriously, I don't think there's an accurate way to translate the cacophony of unholy noises that escaped me as I read this. But I'm going to try. And I will likely be quoting just about everything here because it's just that good.

From the very beginning, I could tell how much effort you put in to reflect both my style and my likes. "The world rumbles." So accurately reminiscent of something I would write. You start off with the short, punchy lines. The ground-shakers. The attention-grabbers. I love it. And then the feeling that you cultivate in that first passage. It's as though even in the beginning, he knows. He knows his failure. This line: "The where is correct for the when, but the when is broken." It's just brilliant. Alexius' first trip back and he has to see this horrible, sickening Breach all over again. Doomed from the start.

Also, I love the image of "the wound in the world". It's a lyrical piece of language. And this: "At what point will the wound become so great that the sky ceases to be?" Such a disturbing thought, that it could encompass the whole sky itself. The growing anxiety and desperation is really poignant in this passage. It's a subtle undercurrent.

"They are all as familiar as the taste of failure on his tongue." Oof, Alexius. That just hurts. I love that you make this man so sympathetic, even with all the horrors he commits. It's one of the things I love about your writing. You make characters so relatable and three-dimensional.

This image is disturbingly wonderful: "...the first whiff of decay, like mold and tepid water and spoiled meat." I especially love using scent as a sensory descriptor in scenes, so I'm ecstatic that you wrote something like this. Especially "tepid water". That just seems so right. But the moment when Felix greets Alexius after his return from another failure is just so heart-breaking. And the way you drop "Felix has been dying ever since." Powerful stuff.

The scene with the surgeons transplanting flesh to Felix's corrupted body is so gruesome and gut-wrenching. It's hard to get through it, and not just because of the grotesque nature of the operation. It's the fact that Alexius is *watching* this. And that he has sacrificed so many others for his son. All this, together with the creepy and icky descriptions, make this scene really disturbing. I mean, it makes sense, and I can definitely see Alexius doing it, but still. It's harsh, man.

One of my favorite scenes is the one where Alexius walks all the way to the Conclave at the Temple of Sacred Ashes while time is frozen. It's this depressing, resigned trek through what he already knows he cannot change. Just seeing it all again, inescapable. The descriptions of Felix's room when it happens, the specificity of "His left foot is forward. He is twenty-five paces from the throne. He is eighteen paces form the double doors of the hall." I just love it! He has seen this all before. Many times over. He has memorized it. It is ingrained in him, like the sense of failure he feels when he makes his way to the origin point. This passage is so great at showing us the inevitability of his actions, and the weight of his regret. It also has one of my favorite parts of the whole piece: "This moment, the exact second that the Breach has come into being, it is the beginning. It is the end." Oh my god, I hate you for that right now, because I want to steal it so bad! Just fucking brilliant, man. I can't get over the impact those lines have.

And then ugh. THE scene! The scene where Alexius calls Felix to him and cradles his ghoulish form in his lap. Ugh, I just...god this makes me feel so much right now. This whole scene is so haunting, and so harrowing. Really brutal stuff, but I mean, I love it. I love how deeply this scene makes me feel. Your descriptions are unbelievable. "He lifts his bloody jowls from the human hand he is gnawing." Boom. Instant queasiness. The good kind though. Like a twisting of the gut. The stark image of Felix actually eating human flesh. That he has gotten this far and fallen this deep. And that Alexius still calls to him like he is the son he knows, the son he loves. He is closer to animal at this point. So when he does curl into his father's lap, it's that much more powerful and meaningful. Like the connection is still there. It's dirty and corrupted and so far from what it used to be, but still, the thread that ties them together is ever-present, even when it is smothered in blood and regret. This is my favorite part. I seriously got misty-eyed. I lost my power of speech, just as Felix had. And I love the image of Alexius "...sitting upon the throne of a land that is decaying into nothing." "He feels a pain in his hip where Felix's gnarled foot is stabbing him like a blade" is another favorite. And then "Alexius holds him tightly to keep him from bounding behind the furniture." Like he was just a dog. The animalistic descriptions and references are great, and reinforce the hopelessness of the situation, the point of no return. But agh, that last line of the scene. I very nearly bawled. "Alexius can swear he hears 'I love you' masked in the guttural croak that escapes his son's mouth." What are you doing to me? Seriously. Stop it. I don't want to feel this! Just get out of here with that last fucking line. This story has just done me in.

I love how you have Alexius still saying things like "For my country" at the beginning. A feeble attempt at playing this part Corypheus has had him play for his men. But inside, he knows he is defeated. Because he cannot save his son. And nothing else matters at that point. "My final failure" indeed. "He knows the answer, better now than he ever had before." It's the climax of this sense of loss and defeat you've been building throughout the whole story. There is no going back now. Alexius has proven that time and again. He has seen it. He has known it and felt it. "Felix could never be saved, because Alexius could never go back." The crux of it right there. The unavoidable truth. Alexius' world had been lost many years ago, before even the Elder One had come to him. "It lay before him, oozing putrid sickness onto the carpet." There is no saving it. There never was. Ugh, that whole sentiment, the way you build to that harsh truth is just amazing.

This story is exactly the kind of thing I love to read. You made so many great choices in this fic, and crafted such a lingering sense of loss with it. I hate you and love you for it. But above anything else, I am so incredibly grateful that you made this gift fic for me at all. I respect you so much, in and out of the writing world, and it was absolutely heart-warming to get something so well-crafted and thought-out. I can see the effort you put into this story, especially with the way you reflected my style, and even down to my telltale disclaimer (which had me laughing hysterically let me tell you). I can't thank you enough for this. You've made me exceptionally happy.

You know my deep and abiding love of all things Tevinter, so even though you wrote this for Orange, it's amazing and lovely and makes me happy. Your descriptions of Alexius's travels and experiments add so much to his character. The things he does are horrifying, but his motivations make him so sympathetic. Your chronicle of Felix's descent into a ghoul is terrifying and beautiful at the same time. It's true: there are worse things than death, and this is truly one of those things. Only too late does Alexius realize that; everything he's ever done is just a little too late. It's tragic, and you convey it so, so well. LOVED it.