Since I can't edit comments I guess I'll just put this here.
The fight's not that bad in terms of description or direction, it has a nice flow to it, it's just really wanky.

Reading through this chapter I can't help but cringe. The entire fight between Quelaag and Lady Maria just feels like one huge wankfest for Quelaag with Lady Maria just there to make Bloodborne look shitty in comparison to Dark Souls.
Maybe I didn't read the fight correctly but throughout the entire fight it felt as if Maria was being toyed with instead of actually being fought. You should probably have made Maria take less and hits and landing quite a few nore. Not only would that have made the fight have actual tension to it but it would also have made the fight actually good. As it is right now, it's pretty crappy with a lot of questionable decisions being made.

huh.

OC fics are always tricky to write, even when the OCs are likeable. You want the OC to save everyone, but the more people you save the more bloated the main cast is. Most will have to remain in the background to avoid complications. In addition, the longer said fic goes on, the more you have to do to keep it interesting. After all, doing the same thing over and over again only works for so long. That's why I liked this and the ds2 fics. You're doing something different while getting the story across in an efficient manner. Can't wait to read the ds3 fic!

... Is that Quelaag or another Chaos Witch?

Amazing, and horrifying

I'm going to be honest, I don't know what the hell is going. I think its supposed to be funny though.

Ok. I probably say what others said already, but I really loved your DS fic. I literally binge read losing sleep at nights. Lex did what many of us, players and readers wanted to do and saved characters we felt sorry for, even bosses. His actions changed history to a brighter and more hopeful one if a bit cheesy. There were tons of humor along the way, and enough serious moments to treat the story with respect. And that snippets with next generation duking it out with other gods? It was brilliant premise I would gladly read.

ANd then came the sequels and gigantic disappointment. It was like after giving Lex the Life Lord power, you throw all the respect for the franchiese through window.

All your DS2 fic is pretty much Lex steamrolling through the game, with new powers as plot demands it, ridiculing Aldia every two steps for being Mary Sue, while himself being a collosal one. The treatment you gave Shanalotte was also shitty. I mean, she is an artifical being made by mad scientist and the only role she can fulfill is helping a bunch of morons. Her life is not pretty. And you trat her like most fanbase treats Navi in Zelda - as an annoying, useless fly. And in the end, you have pretty much all nations in DS2 to bow down to Izalith and your few favourite characters.

And then came this fic... Even if I could swallow DS2 like a bitter pill, since it's all part of the same cycle, that grows weaker every time, you gave absolutely no justice to Bloodborne setting and made a mockery out of it.

Laag literally refered to Great Ones as seafood. And once again you steamrolled everyone.
That. Was. Shitty.

Gread Ones are NOT part of the cycle. They are pretty much a nation of their own, independant of the cycle. Their power is not from Life, Death, Fire Dark etc, but starborn. Lovecraft himself, in one of his stories, once refered to Earth gods as "feeble Earth gods". Great Ones shoulsd be on par with Old Lords, but you made mockery of them. You shat all over Lovecraftian setting of Bloodborne, having few of your favourite characters completly and disrespectfully destroy everyone. It's no longer fun. It's cringe worthy.

What SHOULD be done in my opinion, was to have Bloodborne be separate universe from DS and new protagonist, struggling his way through the setting, with NPCs having as much developement as they had in Take Ring, until eventually he reaches godhood (and Doll Waifu). Gehrman also is not an evil character. He is a shallow ass, unfair in his treatment of the doll, but she still worries about him. Him cutting down the Hunter is actually an act of kindness, since he frees him from the nightmare. WHen he dies, that means you free him from his everlasting vigil. Moon Presence is not a malformed dog. It's a puppet master, that manipulated every idiot since it was summoned, making Hunters kill every Great One that would contend with it. It did not expected to be outplayed by Hunter aquiring godhood and most likely taking control over many dream/reality layers of his world.

Anyway, THEN you could have Lex find a way to Yhranam and it would create a clash of two cultures and we would see two different superpowers, playing off each other, either as rivals or as allies against other gods and Great Ones. We would get a new dynamic to keep things fresh.

Instead you've made one, uncontested, god mode cluster and had every next story, be some ego stroking masturbation, with almost every character admiring how great Lex and his wife are.

I guess... You did made a Slaanesh proud. You've made a perfect DS fic... But like everything that is perfect, it would no longer evolve and improve, so we got stale repetetitions with diminishing returns.

I enjoyed your darksouls 1 fanfiction, and to a lesser extent you second one. but this one it seems your not even trying.
It lacks any of the dialogue between characters that you had before, and it seems like this was the base notes of what you planned on writing. I would've liked to see some explanation for why Lex and every one else is there, and how they adjust/kill everything. I think there's alot more that could be done here than 14k words. Your a really good writer.

Good work as usual

Well, at least you made your mocking of Bloodborne clear in the first chapter. I suppose now I don't have to slowly realize it throughout the course of the admittedly short and completely effortless DS wankfest that is this story.

Sad. Your first story was alright up to a point, after which you butchered it.

"He was on his hands and knees, everything throbbing."

Everything?

Well, if you're gonna put someone in power, it is usually a good choice to go with the experienced person who doesn't want it, so long as they don't run away from their responsibilities, literally or metaphorically. Maria getting shoved aside was funny though.

And so Hot dangeroues women made Couple.
Now is Time For Demon's Souls

Perspectives jump to and fro with a confusing narrative. I can't tell who Ludwig was looking at and called it "his guiding moonlight" and why does Maria speak like gwyndolin or is it just me? Also is Gehrman dead or alive, im confused. Also it is Ludwig at the beggining right? Lastly do you ship Gehrman and Maria?