I can imagine this story as a TV show, with the ticking sound to announce the next part of the episode.

Enjoying the story so far, but you did make a card mistake in this duel chp 14 Hinotoma does 500 points of damage, while Sparks is the spell that deals 200. Just wanted to point that out.

Sorry about below i accidently clicked post review before finished.

Anyway the conclusion is after seeing what average yugioh player can do, she play very weakly which if she is actually a fan doesn't make any sense since she at least should know what cards and decks that is commonly playand how it's played. I at least reccomend to watching ygopro play in youtube to get a glimpse of what kind of shenanigans yugioh can pull with the right deck build.

That's all i hope you can pull a better version of this next time.

I like the concept of this story. Real world duelist vs anime duelist has been something that has been in my mind ever since i play yugioh yet only so few would write this scenario and if they do more often than not they use an oc deck rather than an actually used deck so thank you for using constellar for a deck.

I do however have two problems that unfortunately make me unable to enjoy this story.

First is the oc duelling skills, which i felt like she is really really holding back. Her deck choice of all thing is constellar which is somewhat meh especially compare to burning abyss or evilswarm. She also use many questionable tech choice such as pararell twister instead of cyclone or cosmic cyclone, united we stand and mage power in an era where effect is more important than atk point and not running any powerful trap such as solemn or mirror force.

And second is deck variety. IRL deck changes pretty often which can be used to make for interesting gimmick than the rest of anime character which more often empowering their own archetype or ace card than changing their deck.

The above problem create a great dissonance

Romance...

Happy 3 year anniversary! I want to say thank you for your hard work on this story for all three years it’s been out. You never gave up on it, and that’s what makes me happy the most! (Also happy Thanksgiving for all the Americans out there!)

Hi, it's the person who reviewed before the other guest below me. I just want to say that after looking over the review I posted (twice by accident, I thought it hadn't taken the first time), I agree with the other person that I was a bit too harsh. Mainly about two things:

The first is the grammar, since it's actually fine, and I was being too critical in my other review; I also should have provided a couple of examples to better illustrate my points, but I don't really want to go back and re-read it all again too find them, mainly because I'm busy with other projects and I'm a bit lazy.

The second is the romance part. I admit, I'd only read the first 30 or so chapters when I posted my first review, and the story has improved quite a lot since them, I think. While I still think the romantic angle was forced and rushed in the earlier chapters, in the later chapters I think it has become a lot better and much less overbearing. I think it's because I now see the characters acting more like I'd expect them to than in the earlier chapters.

That being said, I do still stand by my opinion on Alesia being a Mary-Sue, although I do think that's also becoming less of a problem as the story goes on to focus on other characters and not put the spotlight entirely on her.

Overall, I think you've improved quite a bit, and once again I'm sorry if my other review was overly blunt and harsh. The last thing I wanted to do was be mean and discourage you in any way. You're clearly very passionate about writing, and the story really has gotten interesting now, so I'm excited to see where it goes!

Hello! I’m here to give critics as well! About the comment below; I felt it was a little harsh but I do agree with it on some parts. I feel like the other review talked a lot about how the story began (which it was pretty rocky I agree) but I feel that over time many of the issues the comment talked about was some what solved or put on hold.

Things such as the romance issue where the main love interests fell in love too quickly was true in the beginning at least. But overtime this sorted itself out a little by both sides of the love triangle becoming much more of a slow burn (which I definitely enjoy more for these ubber long stories).

About the story being too romance focused; to be honest I really don’t mind it. Getting into one of these stories where romance is a main plot subject, I kinda was prepared for a lot of the romantic plot elements that came with it. It all is really subjective as you can see by the other person disliking it while I somewhat liked it. You can change this if you want but I feel doing it over one person’s sour distaste of a preference is a bit unnecessary. As this could upset the other people who crave the romance sub plot.

About your main oc and how the other person thinks she is a ‘Mary-Sue’ can be justifiable. I did read through the character profiles and saw all the traits for the different characters. One thing I can say when connecting the two was that you did a much better job at characterizing Jenny through out the story then you did for Alessia (sorry if I miss spelled her name). I find Jenny much more interesting as she definitely has a much more flavorful personality then Alessia and her actions and relationships with the other characters make her seem like a better fit for a exciting main character as she seems much more human.

Examples I can give for this is that her actions actually have consequences with other characters. Her sassy attitude mixed with her crude language puts her into trouble along with actually making other characters uncomfortable (as it should so in real life!). Things such as her bitching at Kite in one of the earlier chapters almost got her hurt, and the same goes with how she acted with the Arclight family and how it pissed them off. It’s a good character flaw how she talks shit to someone who is obviously stronger then her only to not realize the rebound she is going to get when the other person won’t take her B.S.

This contrasts Alessia on the other hand because so far from what I’ve seen, Alessia can practically can shoot someone and the main cast would just forgive her in the blink of an eye. I can technically prove this as in the beginning of the story, when she snapped back at Shark, he just took it. He didn’t do a thing to defend himself or say something back, but instead was later in the chapter revealed to actually think it was attractive or something and basically call Alessia feisty. This seems quite out of character for someone like Shark who at the beginning of the series completely bashed on Yuma even when he was trying to be a good friend let alone trying to roast his ass like Alessia did.

Also I felt that Jenny’s romantic feelings sub plot (that’s technically still going) is much more relatable then the entire crazy love triangle that is going on with Alessia. I feel for Jenny and how her she had this childhood anime crush and how that crush came to life and because of that she could actually act on the feelings she had for so long... Only for the guy she loves to become obsessively infatuated with her best friend, completely ignoring her and telling her to give up her feelings for him cause he only loves her best friend and never will for her. Jeez I know I’m dragging on and on about this sub plot but hell! This is literally the ‘your waifu/husbando will never love you’ joke in a nut shell which is the definition of just plain sad.

Alessia on the other hand gets all hotties she wants and will ever need. We’ve seen like what now? At least three boys admitting very prominent feelings for Alesia, two or more having an obsessive moment over her, some (not even human) trying to inappropriately touch her. Like Jesus Christ, these Zexal boys are thirsty! I would be more okay with this is Jenny got a little bit more attention from the boys, but all she got was rejected and technically molested(?) But just anything Alessia levels of attracting guys is just a little too much.

I would just be so much more forgiving of Alessia (even with both issues above) if I felt she had some more prominent characterization. I know you wanted to make more of her traits subtle, but from my perspective, she just seems plain. If you could put her traits more forward or spice up her character it would help a bunch!

Overall, even with these flaws, I’m still hella addicted to your story. It’s definitely the best written Zexal saga fan fiction I’ve read in the community to date. I don’t give two craps about your grammar as your story is still readable and I don’t think anyone comes to any fan fiction site expecting edited book quality stories from five minutes of searching. And you do really well putting together many small details and head cannons to tie into the overall big picture. All I can say is that try not to go to far off course of your main plot and I’m stoked to get some prominent Vector interaction time between the girls and him and just seeing him in the plot again in general. I have just been waiting for him to make an appearance again because he hasn’t been in the story for so god damn long lol! Sorry for any grammar mistakes cause I wrote this up in one sitting, and just keep on writing girl! (sorry I am assuming your gender)

I'm sorry to say this but... this isn't very good. The biggest problem is that the main character is a Mary Sue. She distorts the characters and the setting so that everything centers on her. Even when she isn't in a scene, nearly everyone's conversations revolve around her, her powers, and what she is or could be doing at that moment.
The second problem is the forced romance, namely between Alesia, Shark, Kite, and later Jenny. Given the grand scale of the story, romance is fine as long as it evolves in the background, is relegated to a subplot, or is at least given more time to develop. But here the romantic arcs eat up a sizable portion of the narrative, which leads to it becoming a bit grating in a few places.
Which leads me to the third issue. Both Shark and Kite are incredibly out of character. I personally find it hard to believe that either of them could form romantic attachments to someone as quickly as they did to Alesia (which lends more credence to her Sue-status). I definitely think they both could fall in love with someone, but they're both very stoic and reserved individuals, so it would take time.
Finally, the grammar. It's not that bad, I've seen far worse (especially on this site), but there are a few things I noticed while reading through it. The first one that comes to mind is how it will occasionally randomly switch from first person to second person. I don't know if this was a stylistic choice, but it can get distracting. There are also some spelling errors that I think could've been avoided.
Please don't take this as an attack on you as an author or the story. I'm just giving my honest thoughts on what I've read so far.

I'm sorry to say this but... this is not very good at all. The biggest problem is that the main character is a Mary Sue. She completely distorts the characters, reality, and story to center almost entirely on her. Even when she isn't in a scene, nearly everyone's conversations revolve around her, her powers, and what she is doing.
The second problem is the forced romances, mainly between Alesia, Shark, Kite, and later Jenny. Given the grand scale of the story, it's okay if this aspect evolves in the background, is relegated to a subplot, or at least given more time to develop, but it eats up a good portion of the narrative, which leads to it becoming a bit grating in places.
Which leads me to the third issue. Both Shark and Kite are incredibly out of character. I personally have a hard time seeing either of them develop a romantic connection to someone as quickly as they did with Alesia (which leads more credence to her Sue-status). I definitely think they both could fall in love with someone, but they're both very stoic and reserved individuals, so it would take time.
Finally, the grammar. It's not that bad, I've definitely seen worse, but there are recurring mistakes I keep noticing. The one that first comes to mind is how it will occasionally randomly switch from first person to second person. I'm not sure whether this is a stylistic choice, but it can be distracting. There are also some misspellings that I think could've easily been avoided.
Please don't see this as an attack on you as an author or on the story, and don't let it discourage you from writing. I'm just offering a bit of criticism.

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When is Chapter 51 coming out?

I'm not sure about future chapters but Alysia feels Mary-su in terms of romance. I'm not gonna tell you how to fight your story but I would suggest focusing more on the story and the adventure than the romance as I. kinda complicates every thing. believe me I've seen it happen more than I care to admit.

Just got done with chapter two and while it's not the best start for a story, what I've read has intrigued me. I also noticed you were wrong with the ruling in the duel in chapter 2. I skimed though the other reviews and nothing was said about it so I thought I would say something just in case you no one has informed you. When you summon a XYZ monster or any other extra deck monsters it is considered a special summon and not a process like you said in the chapter. Other then the error in the rules everything else is fine and I look forward to reading the rest.