I've always loved Edmund, and I still do, so am always happy when an author focuses on him. This was so beautiful and yet so sad too. How he was happy and open with the little girl and then "angry at the world and why anyone would make a game of hiding in the dark." That really showed how he changed and it brought everything together. Thank you for your brilliant writing.

Oooooh, I really love this! It's something most people tend to forget: that TLTWATW was set during WW2, therefore of COURSE refugee Jews should be a thing, if only in the background. Sorry I never reviewed before; this really is an interesting take on what else may have added to Edmund's brooding when they arrived in the countryside...

Interesting. I probably know about an average amount about World War II and the Holocaust, but a bunch of German (and Jewish?) kids on a train in England being taken to safety is something I'm confused about. Why is it being kept secret from everyone else on the train? Especially if they're victims of the war and are just being taken somewhere they'll be safe like Edmund and his siblings? Perhaps a note at the end explaining that would be a good idea for those who might be a little less educated about the Holocaust and World War II or at least about England's part in it.
As for the story itself, I really enjoyed Edmund's reaction to the little girl. The way he notices how different she is from Lucy, despite being potentially younger than his sister was interesting. I also liked how he tried to be nice and have a little conversation with her.
The note about how when he gets back to the compartment and him realizing he's been gone too long and knowing he can't say anything really souring his mood was well done. I also really liked the little bit about how he notices Peter and Susan trying to share a look like his parents do. It was a nice detail that showed how much his siblings are maturing as they really settle into their responsibility of being their younger siblings' protectors and carers in the face of being away from their parents.

Hi rebecca-in-blue,

I thought this was an interesting take on the Chronicles of Narnia. I like how you inserted history into a series that sometimes mixes historical fact about the real world with the magical setting of Narnia. There are a lot of stories set in WWII era that don't really deal with the Holocaust, just with a dramatic representation of the fighting of the Allies vs. the Nazis. There is a really sad and interesting contrast between the fantasy of escape by hiding in a wardrobe and the reality of hiding to survive that Edmund observes. I enjoy how you insert Jewish OCs, where appropriate, into fandoms that don't usually have Jewish characters. I also really like that you focused on Edmund, as, to me, him and Lucy are the most intriguing of children and Edmund already has a kind of heaviness about him that seems appropriate for this scene.

I'm reading the narnia books to my kids right now so I just had to read this one. Such a creative take on the early chapters of the book. I like how you challenged Edmund's presuppositions which, for a kid that young, would most likely make him confused and sad and peevish. The characters were spot on too, which isn't easy when writing children.

The mood of this snapshot is beautiful. The two younger Pevensies were my favorite characters, and I loved Edmund's character development in the series. While C.S. Lewis mostly chose to focus on the happenings of Narnia with brief interjections from reality, this different perspective where Edmund kind of grows up a little is a touching expansion and backstory.

While the original story doesn't overtly dwell on the war, it's a fitting subject for a Narnia fanfic. Lewis himself alluded to WMDs in “The Magician's Nephew,” when Polly and Digory first meet Jadis on Charn. This story expands that theme, by pointing out clearly why England is at war in the first place.

The powerful image of the nurse in white contrasts with another woman in white whom Edmund will meet later on, in canon. This one's on a mission of mercy, while the White Witch is far closer to her our-world opponents.

The children crowded into the hidden compartment gave me chills. Another parallelism jumped out at me, similar to the white-clad nurse/White Witch, of a train of rescue vs. trains of extermination.

Both women burden Edmund with a secret, too.

The finale weaves itself well into canon, as well as explaining why Edmund is so out of sorts, and eventually so susceptible to Jadis's temptation.

The only thing I have to disagree with is that the story has little plot. In fact, the plot is appropriate for the length of the story, as well as clear and to the point. An excellent, emotionally-moving read.

I looked up your profile as a very belated thank you for your review. I thought that this story was excellent! It's completely unlike any other Narnia fics I've read, even though the premise makes a lot of sense.

I like that you portray Edmund sympathetically, even though it's just before LWW. His reaction to the little girl on the train and the way that she reminds him of Lucy was powerful. And scary! If, for whatever reason, these children still have to hide in Britain, then I don't want to think what could happen if someone else had seen them . . . I also thought your characterizations were consistent with the book, but still felt fresh and original.

Finally, I wondered about the woman's apparently changed reaction after reading Edmund's nametag. But I liked the ambiguity. It heightens the unease that a 9-year-old would feel in that situation.

Can't wait to read some of your other stories!

Hello, Rebecca :). Coming from RT and excited to review this piece. Narnia is part of my childhood, and when I saw this on RT I couldn't help myself.

First off, this is beautifully written; the style blends with the plot perfectly. The main character are children, and tenderness oozes out from the grammar you use to describe everything. There are no issues, really, which shows that you've really worked on this piece.

I find the plot original and interesting, as there are not many stories that goes deep into Edmund's character or personality. You've done a great job at keeping the characters, well, in character. Edmund is a rebel boy, and just how you explain, he seems to be tired of being bossed around by his older brother. But he's also curious and is intrigued by this group of German children, the same way he is when he follows Lucy to the wardrobe.

I loved the ending, how what he's seen in the train haunts him enough to make him develop hatred towards "a game out of hiding in the dark." That last sentence was perfect to finish the chapter, with the original plot of Narnia going on as we remember but giving your story a plausible spot into it at the same time.

Really enjoyed it, and I hope to see more of your works in the future.

Cheers!
Curry

I wanted to take a look at this, because I always found Edmund interesting, too, because he's perhaps the most "normal" of all the children in terms of what real children are like and yet he ends up vilified for it. :3

From the start, I really like the insight into how Edmund views his siblings. Peter's too bossy, and Lucy's too young still and, more importantly, gets away with things that he can't get away with. It sets up the character nicely.

[as if there's a tiny train inside him] - I LOVE this line. It immediately stood out to me as an absolutely brilliant and beautiful line. You've got some really well-done descriptions in this, and this one just jumped out at me.

I love the comparisons between the girl he finds and his sister. They're the same age, sure, but there's a stark difference between their experiences, and you do a great job of bringing that out in the descriptions while also hinting at something larger happening here.

This woman is hiding the children on the train? Makes me wonder if the conductor knows and they have an agreement to transport them for free or if they're stowaways and that's why they're hiding? Risky being stowaways with that many, though, especially with how careless the little girl was.

That ending! My gosh, it's beautiful and tragic all wrapped into one. I love it so! This does a magnificent job of explaining what was going through his head and why he was so crabby. I really love that last line. It's delivered perfectly and wraps everything together really well, and in a way that I hadn't considered even while reading it, which delighted me to no end. His reluctance to play hide-and-seek, even, makes perfect sense in light of what he saw, and the mention of the beginning of the doubt was great foreshadowing.

This was an awesome piece!

SPaG:
[very end of the car, are] - no comma here

I confess I've never read and fanfic from Narnia...I don't think I could recover if I saw any smut from one of my favourite stories as a child. So, yours is the first story I've read.

There is some lovely description here. I particularly liked the way you described Edmund feeling the rhythm of the train: [as if there is a tiny train inside him]. It's totally accurate.

As you said, there isn't a whole lot of plot, but it does put an interesting spin on some of the events that follow. The double parallel of hiding and hide and seek, and the refugee children and Narnia was very poignant.

I think Edmund was always a very interesting character. He certainly underwent the most changes, and that is what makes a character interesting to the reader, isn't it? It's nice to see an offered explanation for some of his behaviour, and adds a bit more depth to his character.

Brilliant last line. Very chilling.

Cheers.

I really liked this story. I always wondered about why Edmund was so moody. You captured his personality very well I must say. I'm intrigued with you writing. Well done.

If there were German Jewish refugees on the train, why would they stay hidden? Why is the nurse menacing Edmund to keep silent? In England the children would not be required to wear the yellow star denoting them as Jews, and if they're trying to avoid attention, a yellow symbol sewn onto their coats is not the way to go. For safety reasons alone, the train service would not allow them to travel in a closet, let alone huddled on the floor in what apparently is a train with a basement. I could see them having a private compartment to themselves, one without glass in the door, but multi-level trains are a fairly modern innovation. An encounter of this sort would sour Edmund's mood even more than it was when he first got on the train, but the logistics of your story detract from the whole.

This was really really good! Easily one of my favorite fanfictions out there. So potent, even though it's short. Very well done! I teared up!

Okay, let's be sure I get what's going on here. The little girl he sees has been part of the kindertransport, yes? I'm a bit confused as to why she and the other children need to stay hidden, now that they're in the UK.

I rather liked this. It's probably been a decade since I read the books, but the personalities seem spot-on. Peter especially is well done - he really is pretty bossy, isn't he? And Lucy is adorable as always.

I've never seen the gospels quoted using 'the gospel of' in front - I think it's generally just John 12:2-3. In either case, not a big deal :-)

Lovely story, Rebecca!