I'm not sure where this is going to go... I'm pretty sure it was established that multiple people know that Sirius was not the secret keeper, so it's impossible for everyone to think he betrayed the Potters, so he's going to get out of Azkaban?

I LOVED IT!

To this point the only big difference I get its that Bellatrix is a doble-agent. Apart from that I don't see where it will go from here. A kidnapped!Harry to be raised by Bella? (cradle robbing?)

Well this definitely peaked mine interest, looking forward on how you will continue this.

I'm loving the scene by scene play that's going on.

Loving the work so far, are you planning on revisiting the major plot points of the original series while you incorporate bellatrix/ harry relationship or willl you focus more on the blossoming romance?

OK, reread ch3 and read this one. Your plot here is far less clear than in your first story. Really not sure how you'll bring Bella and Harry together since it looks like he'll be with the Dursleys for quite a while and she'll be a 35-40 year old woman when he gets to Hogwarts. Your first story is a strong indicator that you do have a plan but its far from clear in this case.

Oh this is good im interested to see where you take this

Kinda disappointed how it ended for Sirius. Curious what will happen to Bellatrix. Hope the wait isn't long for the next chapter.

Thanks.

Interesting. I might actually be able to like Snape in this story. The idea that Sirius and Bellatrix get along is a little foreign to me, but I like it. I can't wait to see what else happens. Thank you for writing.

keep going

Reading Harry/Bellatrix is a guilty pleasure of mine and hope that I will enjoy this story!

When reviewing this chapter I'm going to sound (very) critical, and hope that you will be able to review and edit this chapter. Note that I didn't found many of the errors in this chapters in the later chapters, but I would still recommend you to review all the chapters.

The errors that noticed if of technical nature, and I felt like they broke my focus several times reading the first chapter. It now feels like you published it before you had taken your time to read though the chapter.

You use wrong words, and the sentence structure could be better. The scene with Bellatrix and the werewolves has several errors.

The last thing that I would prefer changed (but not strictly a error) is your use of "(Scene break)" when you have a scene break. I would prefer if you used something like "~~~" or something else that didn't break my focus.

God luck with your writing!

I really appreciated the skill of your writing, just didn't like your other story, so I checked your profile and tried this one.

For me, a super detailed description of the environment, can be good for setting a scene, on the other hand, other than going overboard with making it poetic, a picture is worth a thousands words and all that, and piling on lots of words, for constant background scenery descriptions, I tend to not like. It becomes a burden to carry or "see through" to access the progression of the story being told.

A reader reading a character's POV, that character "in the dark" about some things, so the reader is as well, is one way to write a fic. I don't like it when it's more a plain old non-character POV, description, and actions, and for no reason really, but to be "mysterious" , an author purposely keeping a reader UNinformed about what the hell is going on. I didn't like that here, the mysterious unnamed persons, having nebulous conversations, hints for the reader about what canon persons were present, WHY and what they spoke about and why they met and talked.
A sort of quick unwrapping of the plot "present", or peeling the onion layers quick enough, for a relatively fast reveal, is fine. Stories that go on and on like some do, of the reader struggling to figure out WHAT the HELL is going on, I quickly lose patience and might end up quitting the story when maybe the next chapter the silly author will FINALLY get the story out of the fog and readers begin to know what is happening.

If only you could force a wide sample of random readers to read alternate versions of your chapters, written differently, then perhaps know whether your taste agreed or not, what "style" might bring you more readers who stayed with a story, after sampling it.

I'm one person, my taste is deep description to set the stage scenery but not constant detailed descriptions, which for me bog down a story. For me, the interest is ACTION, not as in an action movie, but the action of characters interacting, physical action and verbal action, conversation. Paragraphs of what the environment looks like, what characters look like, too much description for me, distracts from the "action", the actual story telling.

In the Harry-Narcissa fic, I found jumping into them during their affair, had no emotional connection visible for me, felt by me, for their "romance". Then too delayed IMO, a flashback was given, to begin to explain HOW they become romantically involved. And besides delayed, it wasn't captivating, convincing, drawing me in, it was both late in where that flashback finally came, and IMO inadequate to set the stage, I still didn't feel "the romance".. So it was still TWO canon characters, feeling quite odd, linking them into the romance, that was "just there", but the stage for it not set. I maybe quit too early, but it just wasn't feeling it "real", a true romance between the two, other than it "happening" because the words said it was.

I'm one person, maybe I'm just incompatible with your writing style.
But I do see great talent in your writing, just how you lay out a story, and how you structure the way you tell a story, is unappealing to me.
For you, the question is, am I an exception, or do I represent a large percentage of a readership you are not attracting, which if you changed how you construct your stories, maybe you would attract a much larger readership. I do not know, but it's something you might wish to ponder and try to invent ways to test it.
With what attracts the largest consumers, in pop culture, and seeing how some of the WORST writing, even illiterate authors with thousands of favs and follows for c9omplete garbage. Perhaps ideal, would be an author able to write the story THEY like, which maybe a smaller more intelligent audience would like, then a second version, dumbed down, for the more mentally challenged masses. For copyrighted work, surely a better sort of business plan, great work, critically acclaimed, then the "other version'" for HUGE sales to the general public who don't have the mental capacity to "appreciate" the critically acclaimed version.

Trouble with this website, is random reader arrivals won't necessarily be a nice random sample of the reading public.
All I can think of, is if you wrote alternate chapters, or two alternate sets of chapters for a story, and could then have a group of persons read both, and comment about which they preferred and why.
You could try that here, with use of polls to have readers vote.
But COULD you get people to read two versions, and how non-random would the participants not represent a random sample of the reading public?
Maybe a group of authors, or a community of authors.
Maybe it I am wrong, and DLP didn't slide down to often laud pretty crappy writing as being superior, maybe that website might function for such "testing", if you were inclined to experiment with modifying how you construct and present your stories, to test what others find the more appealing presentation.

I usually read too many chapters of a story before deciding I will be disappointed if I invest more time, reading more chapters.
For your fics, I feel maybe I quit too soon, especially this one, with only one chapter. Maybe I might come back later, try reading more of both stories. I am not captivated or feeling any wish to continue reading more of them, though I do admire and think you are a talented wordsmith, my taste though just doesn't find your works so far, appealing enough to read fully.

This story really takes a long time to start, by start I mean where we have a focus on a mature Harry.

For most author, it takes 1 or at most 2 chapters to let the readers know what the story is about, what original idea you will develop that's different from other stories and then move on. Here we're already at the third release and I don't get the feeling of the plot moving on.

This takes us to the event in this chapter, we all know Bella won't be a blushing Virgin when she meets Harry but what exactly was the point of having her escape the clutch of her Lestrange husband if you let her have random XXX with strangers and even more so go into détails about it.

All this to say that as good as your previous work was, I don't think I'm the only one losing interest in the current one.

Felt like a filler...But don't really see how it's gonna tie all together...