Onegai, Florence!

Huh, this was actually pre-Doppels being a thing. Now, what will it be...

(Also, the potential of a HomuMadoHomu "Homura sandwich" - or would this be a "Madoka sandwich" - is as cute as expected.)

I feel like an absolute nerd returning to this story once again. The other day the reveal arc just decided to plop itself into my memory.

I've oodled this story in way too many words already, but I will give it some more still.

I feel like the goal of most stories is to have a "wow" moment, the big climax usually, one that sticks in your head so even if you don't remember the plot you remember that. And this section is definitely one of those for me.

Reading it again the tension is much less than the first time, but its still wonderful.

Well the emptiness has arrived.

I think it probably peaked in the 2nd timeline with mami being brought along. The amount of dialogue and things happening was at an incredible level. Sayaka was interesting, mami was interesting and kyouko was interesting. They all had their own thing going on to an extent. Albeit less so with kyouko

And then things kind of fell apart. I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but I'm led to believe it was not. Sayaka becoming a witch was very interesting and abrupt stop to it made sense and felt natural until coupled with everything else.

Mami's growing care for lily felt like it was going to blossom into a relationship at least after everything calmed down, but it kind of just fell off. Maybe I was looking too hard there, but it really felt like lily *wanted* to be with mami even if she knew she shouldn't. Its something I wish had been touched on in what was effectively the epilogue (you might have even labeled it as such I don't recall) and if not there perhaps in the unlikely sequel.

Kyouko falling out of existence felt like another such plot point. I thought it would have significance and have her memories come back later or even for some kyouko duplicate shenanigans, but it just didn't. So little came of it that I feel like it had no point when kyouko could have just as easily said no or even just had lily realize right away it wouldn't work with kyouko giving up her spot for nagisa as that would fit her character just as well. This one really makes me wonder if you do have plans for a sequel or at least had thoughts on the general plot.

Another issue I had kind of just encompasses the other two. How little dialogue was in the final two timelines from other characters. Everyone kind of just went on coast and it felt empty. I know the plan was pretty straightforward and little could happen, but I wish there was more just happy times with the gang in the end. It was finally coming to a close and homura was so close to succeeding. Seeing her truly happy near the end would have been wonderful. Its hard to say from a character perspective if that would even be possible for homura given how much she would avoid getting her hopes up. Nonetheless its nice to think about.

I must admit upon reaching the end I saw no point in a sequel. It would be something I would read almost undoubtedly, but seeing the necessity would be something I would be hard pressed to do. While writing this out and thinking about it I could see it now. Admitaddly the idea of kriem and lilys campaign to take over the world is a bit harder to envision than this stories premise, but with the plot points not wrapped up I'm sure it would be plenty enjoyable.

Seems as good a time as any for me to pause my binge and leave a review so far. Damn its been lest than a day and I'm halfway through how cruel story length can be.

I've been in quite a reading slump for a while just searching for my next big "wow" and I've got it. I largely gave up on madoka and even anime fanfics after I read *to the stars* it seemed to just suck up all possible joy for its own use. But I'm glad I came back. Admittadly as much as I have enjoyed this story thus far I have to rather brutally say its not *as* good. Its very good, but it does have its faults

Mostly just the down time as I would describe it. You have lots of *wow* moments. I really enjoyed lily sitting with mami, the reveal reveal to mami as lily just sat under blankets pitifully felt like it would be the biggest climax and yet sayaka had my heart racing and my body sweating. Might have just my body telling me "hmm its way too late, you've been reading a fanfiction for half a day, the temperatures not great and you need water", but I'll be damned if I was not interested. Obviously lily couldn't just *die* but that did not stop me from screaming internally for her to be less of a dolt. Anyway I digress you get the point I enjoyed lot of ups in the story, but as this paragraph started with the in between was not the greatest. The start was in my opinion paced *way* too quickly. With just not enough dialogue early on to establish lily as well as the akemis relationship, or even for them doing stuff. It felt like *way* more should have been going on before they started interacting with the rest of the cast just in terms of days passed to things done. Primarily I think working on fleshing out lily's character and internal thoughts would have fit best, as for a long while I did not have a good sense of *who* she was. It was unclear if she was evil, or even conflicted about being evil. A large portion of her character was not knowing *who* she was and I understood that, but there is a certain level of showing and explaining that still needs to be done even if it is just internal confusion and pondering rather than concrete "ok cool I'm a good person" you did it a bit, but I definitely believe there was room for more.

Another issue I had was how sayaka was handled. I'm very excited going into what is effectively part 2, but for the moment I can only judge what I have read thus far. Sayaka is too put it bluntly *a dumb bitch* this is very harsh and hardly fair too her as a character and I mean that not just for your story I mean as a whole in the series. The issue I have however is just how the akemis opinion of her was communicated. Which is too say not enough. One of homuras first solutions for dealing with her is murder and by extension so is lilys. This is fine and dandy until homura does not communicate this to other characters its relevant to. While not much came of sayaka dying there was definitely some conflict caused by the thought that lily killed sayaka because shes a witch. While partially true its more of a homura thing than a lily thing at least in my eyes and the conflict being focused on lily was due to homura just not saying anything. I feel a bit silly now looking bqck at this long paragraph and realizing that my ending statement was just boiled down to the nitpick of "homura should have said something". I think with some internalization I had such issue with this just because the death of sayaka was quite the potent plot point with kind of just a weird outcome.

Dang I've rambled quite a bit here in quite the angry sounding manner. It feels idiotic, but I'll say its out of passion. I have very greatly enjoyed the story so far and am both excited, but also distraught over the prospect of finishing it. Never before have I seen the complete label and felt sad. I just greatly enjoy the writing and premise. The characters feel believable and you write them to feel genuinely intelligent. I remember reading a similar fic with the premise of madoka as a witch and while it had an interesting premise just didn't feel right writing a witch is just inherently hard. A being based on all the negative emotions just inherently should not work as a force of good, but the mental state of homura lends to an exception and boy is that interesting.

One last hopefully not long note. I went into the walpurgis fight expecting lily to use all of her power to transform for a thrilling and very confusing reveal and never once considered what else she could be using it for. I imagine this was intentional just due to the early on laments about the form she was trapped on. I was super confused as to how I was only halfway through lol.

Why do my most favorite stories feel so under appreciated? This was an extremely lovely story, thank you.

**potential spoilers**
Urg... didn't expect another time skip haha. Really feeling the loss of Familiar!Sayaka. Feels like the plot is dragging now, you might've been better off sticking with last timeline. Could've thrown in increasing flashbacks for madoka as a sign that she was nearing karmic potential explosion to ward off yet another rewind.

I've been greatly enjoying my time reading this, but I gotta say - with every chapter I find myself disliking Lily more and more. She has been incredibly careless, selfish, and secretive and nobody has been calling her out on it. It does seem like Homura is going to talk with her though in due time, and hopefully that will put my current concerns to rest, but the whole Witch's Kiss conversation killed me. The way she got very little opposition by the people there, with even Madoka agreeing it was necessary doesn't feel right. Whether or not the Kiss was for her own good, that is a massive breach of trust and I don't understand how Madoka is siding with Lily versus her best friend of quite a long time, whether or not she knows of her impulsive nature. I personally dislike Sayaka for her impulsiveness and the way she always fucks up things for Homura, but I feel like she is 100% in the right here.

I had the same kind of feelings back when Lily accidentally killed Candel and even Mami was only momentarily angry at her carelessness. Candel was able to come back, but nobody knew if she was going to come back as is, and Lily's reaction to the accidental kill felt like 'oh well, what a shame'. Sorry if I'm rambling, this is just really frustrating me.

Madoka: I wish not to turn into a witch, duh

Great Story! It felt a little rushed at the end, but it's definitely one of the best PMMM stories I've read. I love that you managed to get that balance of Happy and Tragic ending right!

I read your story all the way through it was good until the end just like those assholes that made Madoka Magica you fucked it up
you could have made it where Homer I made it through and had a happy ending but no you had to kill the heroin just like those assholes turned her into a freaking demon fix this ending it is unacceptable.

I have noticed that you've got a lot of spelling errors in the story I use a text-to-speech engine to read stories on this site I suggest you get some text to speech software and start listening to your post before you post them this will help you catch spelling errors and make a better story.

ha you still have miss-spelled wolds in this story and some steff that don't make sence.
i use a text to voice readding app called at voice alode reader and it is the best if you listen to your story you will catch spelling errors as well as missing words and catch it when you write something that doesn't make sense in the contents of the sentence. I hope this helps because I'm loving your story so far God bless and keep up the good work.

This story was really good. I wasn't expecting a plot line like this at all and, for what was provided, I think you did a great job. I especially liked the changes with Mami and Lilly's deductive abilities to make things right.
HOWEVER, because I like this story I also feel obligated to say that the ending was no where near the quality of the beginning. The fact that two whole acts were wrapped up in 10 chapters is, in my opinion, not a proper way of doing it. Certainly, there's the idea that with the successive loops the process gets more streamlined and less things go wrong, but the events were almost unnecessary; you could've easily have written that Homura and Lilly immediately time traveled back with Madoka in the same chapter where they find out about Candel and it wouldn't seem that out of place (considering that Madoka wouldn't have that much reason to despair and based on her interactions with people, her Witch wouldn't be too hard to get to their side).
For that matter, I feel like Kriem could've been fleshed out more, and I'm not even referring to the wish-born one. We were given an idea of Witches that were normally formed, but were not violent with Elsa Maria. Certainly, it may have been more of an exercise of Lilly realizing her humanity, but it could've been used in respect to other Witches like say...Kriem

I don't dislike Lilly but her powers and personality do not match what Rebellion showed Homulilly to be like and it seems a bit odd that you are calling her the Mortal World Witch when Rebellion retconned her title to Nutcracker Witch. Making Homura look after the suicidal and self-loathing Nutcracker Witch could have introduced more possibilities for story and character development than your Mortal World Witch did but your Lilly wasn't bad either my real complaint about the story is the ending:

Did you really have to have everything go wrong right when it seems like they finally won and then randomly kill of Homura. After everything Homura went though and after everything that happened you decided that you needed that to happen. Really? Then Gretchen just one shots Walpurgisnacht and decided to take over the world for some reason and you don't even plan on showing it? You really should have just ended chapter 71 happily and stopped there. Your story was really good until then. If you had given it a better ending I would just be a bit disappointed by the lack of Claras and the absence of mentioning Homulilly's "Nutcracker Witch" title and I guess the lack of Oktavia and Ophelia was also a bit of a waste. As it is now I absolutely hate the ending you chose to go with.

As my name suggests, I never really review but felt that the end of this story warranted one. I did like the story. The character development was great, I liked all the unusual ideas that were introduced (the witches separating from the magical girls, Sayaka's witchification, Hitomi's research and contacting other magical girls. There aren't, sadly, lots of long PMMM fics that I enjoy but I can say I did enjoy this one.
That said, walking away I do feel... unsatisfied. Partly because of ideas that were brought up then quickly erased by another time loop such as Hitomi contacting those other magical girls. Sayaka in general I feel never had a time to shine (besides trying to kill Lilly), even with the whole witch's kiss thing (once again cut short by looping). Kyoko just disappeared from the end of the story in favor of Nagisa, who didn't do much herself except add a new witch into the mix. And the ending did feel rushed to me, with Kriem just going along with anything and insta-killing the main antagonist of the whole story. Homura just kinda died with little reaction expect from Lilly and now the witches are taking over the world... So yeah? That's it?
But like I said before I still really liked your story and I'll probably re-read it time-to-time. I just feel like there were many unexplored things that were interesting concepts and that the end was too sudden and left me wanting more, even though there will probably not be a sequel.