I advise you to inform yourself about the sins, because It is wrong to sin.
Moreover inform yourself about sins against the Holy Spirit, because they are not forgivable!
I'm sending you this message, because I think it's important to inform.
It's better write what it's true.
I will make a list to go straight to the point .

)Better don't put adjectives or words that don't represent you as nicknames.
)Don't write offensive words next to the word "God" and "Holy" because are blasphemous and offensive!
)Believing in the children of men is wrong.
)Do not joke about the devil, demons or esorcism.
)Don't write or say "what the hell","Who the heck", " go to hell", "freaking out", "crazy", "damn", "stupid", or words or phrases with similar meaning.
)Do not attribute to the devil actions that do not concern him!
)Attention on what or who you say you love.
)Attention to idolatry and perversion because are wrong !
)Do not wish "happy hallowen" to anyone and do not celebrate this "party".
Halloween its a satanic feast.
)Don't swear !
)Don't curse !
)Don't say in vain God The Father !
)Don't offend the Holy Trinity!
)Do not insult/spread hate or blame those who don't.
)Don't attribute yourself or to others sons of men adjectives or words that don't belong to you or to others sons of men (for example "Master of the masters", "Saint", " Holy" ,"God", "demons", "devil").
)Do not attribute to God Father actions that do not concern him!
)Attention to idolatry and perversion !
)Its wrong to kneel to the sons of men.
)Pay attention to how you use the word "man" and do not insult Man, because the First Man is God the Omnipotent Father!
)Don't spread false information.
)Its wrong the idolatry, so don't kneel on people or kiss the hand of a person.
)Don't give to people adjectives or words that don't represent them.
)Luck and misfortune do not exist.
)Don't bless in your name !
)Don't joke about the Bible !
)Attention on what you write or say.
)Attention for what you say thank and to who you say thank
)Don't pray the sons of men !
)Attention on what you wear !
)Tattoos hurt !
)Pagan holidays are wrong parties to celebrate.

I adivise you to search by Internet Boanerges blog, because a lot of informations in those blogs they helped me in a period down a little for me and because there is a lot of information that is not found in all blogs.
By committing sins you can do yourself much harm, and it is wrong !
Some of the information I wrote in this message I know, because I read it from some texts of the Boanerges's blogs

.

Best

Thank you for the comment TheBlueMoonRose!

You are right, I am formatting dialogs like I would do in Spanish for a theater play or types of novels with plenty of dialog, and that's not correct in English.

I'll try to improve the way I write, specially the dialogs. BTW, that was one of the first stories I published and I haven't read it in a long time. I hope I have improved a bit since then.

I've checked your profile, I like the combination of fandoms you write to! I'll check some of them!

Best,

G

Whats annoying that how you put in the characters speech
Natsu:
Gray:

very hard to keep track of whats going on. One when your writing someone that is talking in a story put in " " like sample i will write a line from what is said from gray in your story

Sample: "problem Lucy!" Gray said with a smile.

doing that will not confuse people who are reading this

Wow!

definitely should go on... maybe natsu and gray getting together to plan another night with Lucy, but "preparing" for more naughty fun. This time with a surprise for Lucy as both boys do a bit more to each other...?

Omg my mom almost walked in on me rideing my pillow