A great one-shot! The tentative friendship is brilliant, and Lily's thoughts are really well chosen. Both characters are all presented. :) good job.

Ahhhhhhh this is so amazing!

There are honestly no words that i can use to describe what this is. It was just touching and heartfelt and beautiful and one of those things that can't be captured in a description. Just something that you feel while reading it that you will never be able to explain, no matter how many words you learn, no matter how good at stitching together language you are. I just wanted to say thank you for writing this. Yeah. Bye.

I love it ️

Amazingly written, very poignant. I've always wanted to read a Sirius and Lily friendship fic like this and you got me!

Here is my Team Player review for the House Cup. Thanks for being an awesome housemate! (Go Ravenclaw!)

I really enjoyed this story. I love the parallels between Sirius and Lily, and how they were able to come to an understanding and support each other. It’s unexpected, but it allows for deeper insight into the characters and their personalities.

My absolute favorite part in this story was the first conversation between Lily and Sirius about smoking (“You smoke?” / “No, why?”). That whole back-and-forth had me laughing. Both of their reactions — Sirius feigning innocent and Lily being a bit exasperated — were in-character and the conversation was perfectly paced.

I only noticed one small spelling error, which was, “…but stopped in his tracked as he got a good look…” I think you probably meant “stopped in his tracks.”

I thought you handled Sirius’ emotions and depression really well. It was subtle and also realistic. I’m glad he was able to honestly talk with someone … because I really hope he wasn’t planning anything, leaning out the window like that. I also thought it was very sweet and mature of Sirius to be able to help Lily work through her emotions, even though he had his own problems and struggles. I’d like to think that Lily would keep an eye on him and check-in after their conversation.

I liked the ending of the story with James walking in on the two of them. It was a great way to end everything, as well as add a tiny bit of levity to the story.

Overall, this was a really well-written story and I enjoyed it! Since this oneshot was an expansion of a flashback, I’ll have to go check out “The Righteous Side of Hell” next and see the origin of this story.

That was lovely! You created the mood really well. And the situation seems so believable. Loved it!

I remember this moment being mentioned in The Righteous Side of Hell so I’m really glad you expanded it into its own oneshot. As always, I love your characterizations of Sirius and Lily. There’s just so much depth and more to them. Especially them both hiding their issues with their families and realizing that the other is hiding too. Sirius with his bad boy couldn’t care less attitude, joking about the howlers, and Lily just pretending everything is perfect in her life. I'm sure not many people even know she has a sister.

I also liked that Lily didn’t immediately want to rat him out for smoking and even joined in. A lot of people compare her to Hermione or turn her into this goody two shoes and while she probably was to some extent, I can easily see her bending the rules a little and not being so prefect all the time. She married James after all, she can’t be no fun at all.

This was exactly what I needed. Thank you. You've written this cleverly and everyone's in character despite the unusual circumstances. You have talent, and I'm glad I found this.

The "Miss Evans" part and "Mr Black" bit looks like they could do with a little revising since they should be consistent in if they're going to be abbreviated or not. So, either, "Miss Evans" and "Mister Black" or "Ms Evans" and "Mr Black".

Overall, this was quite enjoyable. I like how Lily doesn't get on Sirius about his smoking when she finds him as she's more interested in asking him about how he deals with the poor excuse for a family he's been given.

The way Sirius decides neither of them would have been happy if they went with their 'what-if' was cool and I like how he admitted to trying to convince Regulus to be Gryffindor like him, but when it didn't work realized his brother was more like his parents than him.

James entrance at the end was nice, because I think it does well to show that James is a good friend to Sirius since it shows he's attune to Sirius and his moods and knows who he is quite well.

I really like how this opens. The way you describe Lily's struggle to sleep is spot-on, and I can definitely relate. xD Plus, it makes me curious to see what's on her mind or why sleep is evading her, so it sucks me right into the story in that sense.

[far too soon] - Whaaat? How early does she get up? D: Because here, we don't get up until like seven for school. That's five hours. That's almost a whole night's sleep. Don't give up on sleep yet, Lily! The sandman is coming for you. No, wait, that sounded creepy.

Uh-oh, Sirius is caught smoking. Muggle cigarettes of all things.

Aha, the banter between them is great. Your characterization is awesome! I love that Lily asks the stupid question, so of course Sirius would give her the stupid response. xD So perfect.

Wow, I really love your description of the change in Sirius and the way it gives Lily pause. That whole paragraph is just so well-done. She's seeing the real Sirius for the first time, the one who has so much weighing on his mind, and the way you describe that realization is lovely, even though she's not quite sure what to make of it yet.

[Howler your mother sent this morning] [That morning Sirius had received a Howler] - This seems redundant, especially since it's so close together.

Aww Sirius is just adorable in all his nonchalance. I love that he refers to his mother as "the old hag." And the fact that he knows that something's wrong with Lily is cute.

Oh my gosh, this whole scene. They're having a moment, and it tears me up, and I just love it! You've done a great job of highlighting the things they have in common, and I really like the theme of being let down by someone who's supposed to love you unconditionally. They sure have that in common.

I really like the mention of Sirius attempting to convince Regulus to become a Gryffindor and how he chose a different path. It really highlights the differences between the brothers, where one had the courage to go against the family and the other just fell in line with the expectations.

Lily giving into a vice, even though she knows better than that. It's cute, and what I especially love is how human (and teenager) it makes her. :) It's a side of Lily that I don't read too often in fanfiction, so I really like that.

Oh my gosh, James catching them made me giggle so much. Sirius' retort is, as always, absolutely perfect.

I just loved this whole piece so much! The way you write Lily and Sirius (especially Sirius, being the fangirl that I am) is just brilliant, and you capture the characters in such a unique way. They're very real and well-rounded. I love the sentiment in this piece, and it had the most delightful mix of funny and sweet so that my emotions just didn't know whether I should laugh or feel sad, which I love!

SPaG:
[fifteen year old's] - fifteen-year-old's
[No, reason] - No reason
[more time that past the more he] - more time that passed, the more he

Well, I haven’t read The Righteous Side of Hell (yet; love the title – is it from Wrong Side of Heaven by Five Finger Death Punch? The video for that song just kills me), but you say this can stand alone (and it was nominated for Best One-shot), so here goes.

Hm, what IS Lily tossing and turning about? And what time is she getting up! Even if it’s five AM, that’s three hours and two sleep cycles you could be catching, Lily! Better than nothing, trust me.

Blech! Cigarettes. I keep forgetting to look it up – is Sirius being a smoker canon or fanon? It’s reasonable fanon if it is fanon, given the nature of the character, but I always have and always will think it’s gross and kind of disappointing. Even if it happens to be canon – cigarettes and smokers are nasty. Bad Sirius! *swats his nose with a rolled up newspaper*

*smiles in spite of herself* Darn that charmer – even if Lily’s not amused by him, I am. Wait, I was supposed to be disappointed in Sirius because he’s smoking. Harrumph! (Nice characterization, by the way.)

Erm… is Sirius contemplating something I hope he’s not contemplating? *eyes position in window worriedly* Do as Lily says, Sirius! Heights and going splat on the ground is not worth teasing her!

Argh, still don’t know what’s keeping Lily from sleep. Hinting, hinting. *grumpy face* Reference to Petunia saying nasty things to Lily? Or is she thinking of Snape? “…supposed to love you unconditionally” applies more to family than to friends, so I’m going with Petunia.

“She had never been [one to be one] of those emotional teenaged girls…” reads oddly, like you switched up thoughts in the middle of the sentence. Reading a couple more times, it makes more sense, but on first read through it really doesn’t read smoothly.

Huh. I thought this was going to be a scene of Lily comforting Sirius, but now I’m thinking it’s going to be the other way around… I never thought of Lily as particularly troubled, though there’s a decent amount of things that would be able to bother her going on in her life. Kudos for making me look at Lily a bit differently.

“…not quite sure what to make of this witnessing this unfamiliar side of her classmate.” I think you can cut that first this. You could also cut witnessing, but that one could stay as easily as it could be dropped.

*makes face at smoking Sirius and gets out spray bottle to squirt him* Bad Sirius. Those things kill you (even if you do die at thirty-five of completely different causes… *cries*).

This is an interesting way to look at Sirius. Usually, I see him as getting… increasingly wild and bitter about his family the older he gets. Not covering it up like this, pretending so well it doesn’t bother him. Then again, most of the time I’ve read a younger Sirius, it’s been through the eyes of his closest friends, not the girl his best mate has a crush on, so that could account for the difference. Nicely done, I think.

Ah, so it WAS Petunia. The relationship between Lily and Petunia never fails to make me sad. I’m very close with my sister, and a lot of the time, I feel like Lily and Petunia must have been close at one point as well – because it’s the deepest loves that turn to the bitterest hates, and Petunia really seems to hate her sister. Of course, it could just be that Petunia has always been jealous of Lily, because Petunia is written as horse-faced and Lily is supposed to be uncommonly pretty, in addition to being kind and magical. Jealousy is good fuel for negativity in relationships as well.

Well, at least Sirius is a polite smoker. *still grumbles about him smoking*

It’s funny, how you can wind up having a very deep, very personal conversation with someone you don’t know well. Nicely portrayed here.

Oh my god, the siblings feels! Oh god, you’re going to kill me, and it’s just a couple of lines! *cries* Sirius tried to convince Regulus to ask the Hat to put him in Gryffindor! *cries some more* HEADCANON ACCEPTED! *is extremely torn up over their whole relationship and dynamic now*

HEY! NO OFFERING LILY CIGARETTES! NO! BAD SIRIUS! *goes to find those Puppy Spray things that you train dogs out of bad habits with to use on Sirius*

-_- Dammit, Lily, why’d you have to go and accept it.

*makes inhuman distressed noise* And it’s even worse, cause Sirius is using the cigarettes to deliberately hurt himself! Gah, I need James and Remus and Peter to get into this scene and knock some sense into their friend! Alright, I freaking love and hate this characterization of Sirius Black. I can totally see it as being him, but at the same time, I absolutely do not want this to be Sirius Black. He’s so freaking broken. WHERE ARE HIS FRIENDS TO MAKE HIM BETTER? Effing hell. *walks off muttering for a minute*

EEP! No playful shoving while you’re sitting on the windowsill of an open window! That’s how people accidentally fall and die! No! Bad Lily!

Aw, but they’re having a moment and connecting and it’s sweet and thank god, maybe Sirius will quit with the self-harm *crosses fingers and mutters “Please, please, no more burning yourself with cigarettes”*. And James makes an appearance! Good.

“…but stopped in his [tracked] as he got a good look…” tracked should be tracks I believe.

James is adorably confused – I agree with Lily’s reaction. *giggle*

“…and she had also [had] new insight…” gained might be better than the second had here.

This was a beautifully well-done piece. A very different take on two characters I enjoy that, while completely believable, is also utterly heart-breaking. I love it as much as I hate what it does to my feels.

Really great fic, I loved reading this and the exchange between Sirius and Lily was just perfect. I really liked everything about this, going on my favourites list immediately!

Really well-written, nicely done. Especially loved the sarcasm at the end

Fabulous