Hopefully you will write more in this series!

Always thrilled to find original Battlestar Galactica fanfiction and I have really enjoyed the story! it was very well written.

Hi again, VST!

Opening

I love how you open it with a bang, continuing right from the cliffhanger in the previous chapter. It doesn't look like it's done by the mad bovinoid creature mentioned in the previous chapter because these are stab wounds, not blunt wounds which are expected to be caused by the bovinoid stampede. It's even more surprising that the victim is Rutilius!

Plot/Build-up

Rutilius being a victim itself makes everything all the more interesting because from the previous chapters, we know Starbuck and Cassie meet him, and they themselves have a reason to get rid of him. Rutilius attacked Cassie, and Starbuck didn't like it. Yet, Starbuck did say that he never punched Rutilius because of Cassie, but still he had threatened Rutilius, something that can give him trouble.

As for the blood in Cassie uniform, the very first scene seems to hold the most significance to this. Probably Cassie is careless when she changes. Or maybe one of her patients at that time is the culprit. Or maybe someone wants to frame her for the murder. It's so much fun to be in the mystery itself for sure, but I'm looking forward to seeing how it unfolds later on!

The scene with Chadler and his girlfriend further intrigues me. It makes me suspect that the something Chadler and his girlfriend meet is the real culprit. But now the question is, who and what it is? Very, very interesting!

I personally feel like the bar scene is reducing the tension of this chapter because the whole chapter has been quite focused on Rutilius' murder and the following investigation and the hints of the culprit (the scene with Chadler and later the Cylons). Murder mystery plot is more interesting if the investigation and interrogation go on IMHO, but even if there has to be a "break" scene, I'd suggest making a few shout-outs to the murder.

Ending

Things always get dark, creepy, and sinister when it comes about the Cylons. I love how you use the a more sinister way to view the bread crumbs in a fairy tale such as Hansel and Gretel. The bread crumbs are supposed to help people get home if they're lost, but seeing it in a more sinister way, it's also a trail for something more dangerous. And it just makes the last line, in which 61B is tasked with "following the bread crumbs," is just very chilling.

Well done.

Hi again, VST!

Opening

I like the beginning that calls back to the arson case. While readers already know who's the culprit, it's still fun to see that the characters, particularly Reese, are gathering clues and piecing them together.

What makes the opening quite funny is the report of someone beating up a civilian. We know who that is, while Reese is still wondering if it's Starbuck or not. Heh. XD

Plot

The whole chapter is centered around the bovinoid story, but what I especially like is that it's not certain if mad bovines truly exist. Wheran just tells a story about a stray bovinoid who may be sick and draw others and cause a stampede, and everybody goes to check. So far, there doesn't seem to be any signs of that yet, but the ending...

Humor

Not sure if the mispelling of "migraine" (it's "migrane" in the chapter) is intended, but anyway it's hilarious. It does sound close to migration, which has a very different meaning.

After that Starbuck has me laughing. It seems like he just can never have some intimate time with Cassie (making his "poor" sense of direction understandable; he probably just wants to get away for some time). First, he's interrupted by that spotlight. Then at the end, just as he thinks he finally has the time, someone screams and interrupts him. XD

Ending

The ending isn't just hilarious; it's also a cliffhanger. Who's screaming, and why? I have a hunch that perhaps someone has found the bovinoid, or perhaps the bovinoid stampede has begun, but I guess that'll be revealed on the next chapter.

Well done.

Greetings,

It's Theodore Hawkwood from Reverse Tag. I'll apologize for my lack of familiarity with the Battlestar Galactica Universe before I get started.

That aside I believe I owe a review.

I'll definitely say that the first thing that caught me about this fanfic was the title, Shore Leave. I was intrigued by what sort of adventures the crew was going to face during a restful time from the get go. This was further reinforced by the summary. I was expecting the whole 'big adventure encountered during supposed downtime' piece, however, despite this expectation, I still was curious as to what the crew's misadventures were going to entail.

The first segment where Commander Adam is making an audio-log gives me a frame of reference. As a Star Trek fan, I definitely can appreciate that narrative device. It also meant I didn't quite feel so lost as a fandom blind reader, so I have to appreciate that nice little touch there.

Regarding the log itself, the first two sentences of Commander Adam's log do a wonderful job in giving an overview of the overall situation for the human race. It paints a dire picture of the sort of circumstances the crew is under and definitely does make me hope the crew at least enjoys some rest and relaxation when they get their shore leave.

The log also does a very serviceable job in showing the burden of command responsibility that Adam feels but makes him relateable via that planned dinner with family and friends. Yet even that occasion is colored by the situation they face when he mentions the bit about supplies. These little context clues let me know the state of affairs without bonking me upside the head with them. Nice light touch there.

The second section does a wonderful job in showing me who some of the players are. The piece where Apollo worries about the tensions between Cassie and Athena and that Starbuck dates the former and had dated the latter does a wonderful job in showing how tight-knit the Battlestar Galactica universe really is.

With the third scene, I do appreciate the cliffhanger when Cassiopeia has the 'assignment' pitched to her. Right away I was wondering what the mission Dr. Salik is giving Cassie and how it's going to impact the rest of the story. The burning question also popped into my head, "Will it be the reason why Shore Leave is going to be impacted?"

Great Work,

Theodore Hawkwood

Hi again, VST! It's been a while.

Nice opening with the broadcast news report there. It further introduces me to BG world. I find it interesting to learn how the Fleet gets clean water supply. Apparently, it's from melted ice and then cleansed and filtered. Also, the weather report of Timorala Beta makes me wonder if the storms will really have a big impact... The last part of the news report is more lighthearted when compared to the first two, though. Silk flowers to fulfill the floral demand lol!

It's a relief to know that the trainees will get two cycles of break, but still, it makes me curious how they'll do on the cold weather course. The last part of this segment is pretty touching; it's like the mountain-climbing brings so much sweet memories for Jostine, and now the activity is done and she has to part.

And next, we're with Starbuck and Cassie. The "knight" and "princess" part is so sweet, yet hilarious because of the exaggeration. Starbuck really, really treats Cassie as though she's a real princess (that throne speech), and Cassie also treats him like a real knight. There are plenty of feels towards the end of this scene, though. Both Starbuck and Cassie are still haunted by their pasts, and now they resolve to grow and move on. I particularly like Starbuck's story about how much he's grown since he meets Cassie. Unlike before, he resolves to fall in love with one and only woman: Cassie. No more falling in love with other women (which was his flaw back then).

After all the feels (and a little bit of hilarity with the silk flowers), here comes a more sinister scene with Centurion. While Centurion doesn't seem to know anything, the image of him getting strapped to a table is creepy. As if he's on the worktable of a mad scientist... Also, the chief assistant's name being Lucifer just makes it creepier. I wonder if the renewal of life will bring chaos in the future.

Well done.

Hi again, VST. It's been a while since I read this.

I think I may have forgotten something from the past, but Cassie crying makes me wonder what's happening to her. However, it's nice to see that Starbuck is there, and she isn't too sad anymore after the meeting.

The mountain-climbing scene shows us more about what the squad trainees do in the universe. Mountaineering is apparently part of their training. Also, when Jostine attempts to comfort herself, I first wonder what's wrong with her. It's nice (and touching) to learn that the view and the mountain climbing experience are actually reminding her of her past. And Walrach's story... It's quite sad (especially because the story is brought up due to the nostalgic feeling of mountain-climbing), but they have a good reason of separating Jos and Walrach. Them being so close can, indeed, ruin a few missions.

The date between Cassie and Starbuck is very sweet. For starters, there's a brief reflection of Starbuck about how mature he has grown since he meets Cassie. The sweetest part? He's not going to get distracted by any other women. Ever.

Next up, there's the date. There's the scene of Starbuck getting charmed by Cassie's appearance, which is a sweet moment of its own (nice description there; definitely shows Cassie's beauty). Then [The two lovers sat close together, almost entwined as their hands and arms moved together, touching, rubbing, and connecting, after so long apart.] is beautiful because it highlights how wonderful this moment is; they can now be so close.

Things get really tense when a fire breaks out. But the style for this is very well done; we're quickly treated to a quick scene with Rutilius. I suspect that he's the culprit, especially after seeing how he uses this distraction to get close to Cassie and listening to what Reese says (the fire was set up).

Also, Rutilius teasing Cassie is pretty creepy, considering that he reeks of alcohol and tries to get, uh, intimate with Cassie. Glad that Starbuck is soon there to stop him from further interaction. However, with Rutilius getting threatened and shooed away by Starbuck, I do wonder if he'll be planning for a revenge...

Well done.

Hi again, VST!

Opening
While the first two paragraphs are mostly introductory, I find them pretty good for introducing Cadet Zhili. Zhili is studying under Starbuck, and as shown by her following lines (which do sound really gushy), she sure is very new to the task.

Plot
What I notice in most of your BG works is that the characters often have a story arc of their own. Here, we have Starbuck's and Rutilius' story.
Starbuck's story is more focus on patrol duty and fighting with spacecrafts. After Zhili's introduction, we get to see a very tense scene of their craft under attack. I first thought they came across enemies, but then it's actually Lazant. When Lazant mentions about his special class, I wonder if he's actually going to hold that for the cadets? Guess only time will tell.
Now, we're back to Rutilius. I kinda have a chuckle when it turns out that his trick to slack off backfires. Sure, he manages to get a nice break, but it actually gets him a greasy, backbreaking job. At least, he finally gets two cycles of leave, which he can use to see his "Pretty Blonde Med Tech."

Characters
I think my favorite in this chapter is Lazant. He's such a jerk; he actually fires at Zhili's spacecraft. Then he treats this as a training. Although he has a point when he says that it's a good training, I can't help but think that it's quite a harsh and dangerous kind of training.
Although Zhili has just made her first and brief appearance in this chapter, she actually gets a good amount of characterization. It's clear that she's new; aside from being gushy as she learns stuff from Starbuck, she easily gets panicked when she's shot. Also, she sure needs to know more about Lazant. ;)
And Starbuck. He clearly is a good mentor to Zhili in this chapter, but he still has his usual sense of humor. He makes me chuckle when he sums up Lazant in one sentence: [Yes, he's a very good pilot but pretty much always an ass!]

Ending
Starbuck's story really calms down at the second section of his story, but because it ends with him being officially on leave and setting off for vacation, it makes me wonder if his vacation will really go smoothly.
As for Rutilius, it ends at a point that makes me wonder how things will turn out when he meets his beloved "Blondie."

Well done.

Hi again, VST!

Opening
Lol, that's a pretty hilarious opening. Starbuck called Cassie for some nice talk...only to be cut short at the fear of being heard by everybody else. This line [Everyone around the comm station seemed to be listening!] makes it effective because the exclamation mark denotes that it's an awkward thing that Starbuck certainly doesn't want anybody to know about.

Plot/Pacing/Worldbuilding
This chapter moves more slowly with the casual activities (another day at the farm for Rutilius and a card game for Starbuck and co), but we get more characterization in return.
However, I really like Rutilius section because it introduces a lot about how agriculture works at BG universe. It does not seem so different from the usual agriculture (pesticide, tillers, etc) except that it feels more modern and practical, but nonetheless, we get to learn how people grow crops/food and survive in the universe.

Characters
The characters shine the most this chapter, which is a good trade-off considering the slower pace/more casual atmosphere of this chapter. Rutilius, from the previous chapter, doesn't get much characterization. But now, we get to see that he's such a cunning man. He knows what's wrong with the agri-trac and offers to fix it, but he actually uses this as his opportunity to slack off. Never thought of that!
Starbuck also has his moments. Most of the time, he appears goofy. But towards the end of this chapter, he actually is pretty good at strategic thinking. He can analyze what cards may be in Bojay's hands just by looking at Bojay's movements. And lastly, he gives Bojay the biggest surprise by behaving as though he's already losing...

Ending
Well, Starbuck got what he wanted at the end (although Bojay asked for some cubits beforehand), but I do wonder if things will go smoothly afterwards!

Well done.

Hi, VST! Back again and still fandom blind. :)

Throughout this chapter, I especially like how you set up the setting. In the first scene, I can clearly see the situation during the announcement. Pleasant news like getting a few cycles of leave yields clapping and cheers, while bad news like having to be ready for duty all the time yields a round of boos. However, Apollo just remains serious, just as expected for a leader figure like him.

During the first scene, I really enjoy the setup for Starbuck's plotline. He's got a problem with his schedule, and he may not be able to see Cassie that way. I'm looking forward to seeing how things will turn out.

Next up, there's another interesting plotline: Rutilius. He seems to know Cassie, or maybe Cassie is just a reminiscence of someone close to him. But either way, he seems to be in love with Cassie. I'm fairly certain that this may be another conflict for Starbuck.

Also, during the scene with Rutilius and Cassie, as always, you do well with the setting. Cassie is treating a patient, and we get to hear the patient's complaints about the skin clips. Cassie, being a doctor (or just a Med Tech, as stated by herself), of course explains to him why skin clips have to be used, calming him down. It's a realistic setting of doctor and patient, and I like that. :)

Next up, the training scene is a very enjoyable read. I enjoy Walrach's character; as tough as he is (which is something expected in the current situation of the story), he cares a lot for his underling, Mooks. He understands that Mooks isn't physically strong, but he just keeps encouraging him. It makes his character realistic and likeable.

Lol at the introduction to the blaster training. This line [These weapons in front of you are NOT loaded, but based on the rules we just discussed, you are not to just take my word for it.] is priceless. Though I have a stylistic quibble here: usually, it's kind of jarring to see ALL CAPS used to emphasized a word in the narrative. So...maybe use italics for that instead?

And we are back to Baltar. It looks like he's building up to be a villain because he's so cunning and manipulative...all while maintaining a polite exterior. He's been manipulating Officer Finlay for his own gain, and I like this line [the new guard seemed like fertile ground] because it further emphasizes on Baltar's manipulative character.

I wonder what will happen if he succeeds in getting out of the prison vessel. Interesting.

Well done.

Hi again, VST!

The opening scene is both mysterious and intriguing. What's with the electromagnetic anomaly? It's a complex thing, and we later see that the commanding officer figures this needs more investigation. Also, I do wonder which planet contains this anomaly... I hope it's not the paradise Starbuck has been dreaming to go!

Starbuck is such a fun character. Him thinking of Athena as a school teacher is hilarious. Also, although there seems to be a lot of things and work going on, he's still capable of thinking about a vacation. Love the paragraph of that thought; with the pauses, I can really see Starbuck eager to visit that planet soon with Cassie (too bad he can't do that, since Cassie has had another task). Another thing that makes Starbuck a fun character is how he comments on Lazant's character. Admittedly, with Lazant around, things are much more serious and tense.

Throughout this chapter, I like how you alternate between Starbuck's and co's plotline with the mysterious anomaly's plotline. Starbuck's scene tends to be more lighthearted (lol at him "ready for action" when Cassie calls him), while the anomaly's is always adventurous and tense. What makes the anomaly's scene so adventurous is the description. The Centurion falling and getting his knee seal ripped by a root and how water enters his armor are really excellent descriptions.

Another thing I like during the anomaly scenes is the Centurion's character. He's not pleased with his leader (who is not a pleasant man to begin with), and his mind is constantly filled with the thoughts of plotting against his leader. Unfortunately, he's soon cut off by the exploding box. I like how that scene ends; it's stylish and the interruption is really felt with [appoint-]. :)

The only thing that has me wondering is, is the Centurion a Cylon? I thought of that question because the difference between Cylons and the box is brought up. Also, it's mentioned that he has a "robotic brain."

Athena's thoughts about Lazant are so sweet. It tells us that Lazant is a strong gentleman. However, while the last scene is sweet and comforting, I can't help but feel a bit uneasy. Lazant may look like a good boyfriend to Athena, but he's still a pragmatic man as shown in the previous chapter. I hope he won't use Athena for anything.

Well done.

Hi again, VST! Fandom blind.

I think the first scene sets up the setting very well. Food ration is so tight, especially for the prisoners. The food is missing this and that, but not only that. The bread is unusually hard. It shows that the humanity is in some sort of crisis atm.

Also, I like how you depict the prisoners. Prisoners are never nice guys; when they complain about the food, they tend to do so just to cause an uproar. Also, the way they threaten Baltar [I'll come back and push your smug face in it!] also further adds to the prison atmosphere.

At the first section, we can clearly see that Baltar is a clever man. One of the moments that shows his cleverness is when he prepares a bowl of soup to blind his opponent when needed. Later on, he's also capable of using Reese's information to get something good for him.

Next up, there's a bit of a humor when Athena's and Starbuck's issues are mentioned. They mustn't sit too close to each other else they'll cause some troubles (lol at [tempted to kick each other under the table.]).

The way you describe Lazant makes me feel the unease Starbuck is experiencing. Lazant is clever, but he's so driven that he can be an ass or even a backstabber. Also, it's later said that his mere presence removes the usual familiar atmosphere among the crew, which just adds to Lazant's "creepiness."

The ending makes me curious about which decision they'll make. They can separate the fleet into several groups so that they can gather resource faster, but this'll leave them open to Cylons' attack. However, if they don't, the resource gathering will go so slow that humanity is threatened. Which one is better? Of course, only time will tell!

In addition, the last line adds to Lazant's character. He's cold but logical, so he has a point. Either sacrifice part of humanity to save them, or not sacrifice anything and wait for the end of humanity.

Well done.

Hi, VST. Fandom blind. :)

Opening
Although the exposition paragraph is big, I like how you write it (not to mention that this is a very welcoming piece of information for a fandom blind reader). It never feels like a textbook that just dumps information in the most boring way possible; instead, it's much like someone telling a story. Here, we have human colonies struggling to survive from the Cylons in the outer space. But Cylons aren't just the threat. Supplies are also a problem, as shown by how people ending up voting [based on their bellies.]

Plot
Now, I know where the prologue comes into play here! I like how Starbuck thinks of having some kind of vacation on Beta. Having seen the imagery from the prologue, Beta sure makes a great place for vacation, with all the wildlife and the scenery.
Meanwhile, as Starbuck's plotline is more casual (vacation, dates), Cassie is more serious. The first scene has mentioned about the Thirteenth Colony, then during Cassie's scene, it's hinted that the Thirteenth Colony may be a very clever colony of humans who have a very extensive knowledge in medicine. It seems like gaining their trust needs some work, and the IMS doesn't have enough time to study that much. Still depends on when they can find the Thirteenth Colony, though.

Enjoyment
I think this mostly comes from the way you write Starbuck's scene, such as Muffit's appearance. I can see Muffit being a cute robo dog, with the fetch and the mechanical barks. :) Also, there's the brief exposition about the problem between Cassie and Athena, which is a nice call back to "Very Dark Times." I remember Athena causing problems to Starbuck because of him dating Cassie and is caught by Athena.

Ending
I really like the ending. It's a bit of a cliffhanger, since Cassie is getting an assignment, and nothing is told about the assignment as the first chapter ends... :)

Well done.

Please, PLEASE, continue this series I've really enjoyed it. Thank you.

This last chapter here isn't really a chapter as much as it's non-story content, which isn't allowed according to FF's rules.

Entries not allowed:
1. Non-stories: lists, bloopers, polls, previews, challenges, author notes, and etc.

The best thing to do here is to move non-story chapters such as this to your profile. I can assure you that people do read your profile, so you have nothing to worry about. Good luck.

Metal Navy
Critics United